How would you deal with this behaviour in 6 year old?

[Ole]

Every time ds goes on a play date we have tears at the end because he wants to stay longer. I have tried doing warnings (10 minutes and then we have to leave, 5 minutes, 2 minutes, etc) but it is not making a difference. It is exhausting. He also does it for after school club (cries or pulls a face when he sees me!). I get it that he is having fun, but it is exhausting, and at school it is embarrassing. Any ideas? I have also done 'no TV, tablet, no bedtime story' routine but it does not seem to be effective. I have tried ignoring and appearing blas? but it just delays things (as we do eventually need to go!). What would you do?

[Oxalis]

Something that helped my daughter was to ask her to choose something she'd like to do/treat (bribe!)when she got back home before she went on the play date. Then I'd remind her of this at 10 min etc warning. Made leaving a bit easier and more successful than removing activities.

[midivydale]

I bribe...

[sb]

.

[Ole]

Thanks for the suggestions. Yes I do follow with no TV etc but I don't think he minds that much! I'm hoping somebody will say it is a phase thing that most children go through and it happens and one day (before he is 18 preferably) it will just stop. Doesn't it?!

[EDmummy]

As a parent of a very strong willed 14 year old (and younger brother following suit) I'd like to reassure but I think it's more about finding less confronting strategies. My 14 year old was exactly the same at that age. Be firm, if sanctions don't work, don't try them. I just used to very calmly walk away and say I wS going and that I was expecting him to follow and then retreat. Never go back and wait until he followed. It never took too long. He was testing me, so I tested him. Right or wrong, it worked. With my oldest I've always had the view that he's difficult to parent but will probably be quite successful as an adult :-)

[ratty]

my son still doing it at 8

[Curmudgeon]

It's normal

It's a phase

He might not grow out of it but he will get a more mature understanding of outstaying his welcome

The warning system is good but I'd shorten

We are leaving in 5 minutes

Right we are leaving in 2 minutes, shoes on now and make sure he is there putting them on

Right we are going

No bribe, no threat just matter of fact

If he doesn't move just go like EDMummy says (whose 14 year old is fabulous and always was the most lovely of house guests as a child ...so it really is just parental perspective)

As a host I always used to say in a jovial voice "right time to go" and "mummy said shoes on" and "if you don't leave now you won't be able to come back, maybe you could come back next week,would you like that?"

[Smiler]

My eldest was like this, not had same challenge with the younger one.

With playdates I got fed up and didnt arrange any for a while (a few weeks!) and told her this was because of her behaviour at the end of them. Which worked. With childcare (childminder then after school club) found it tricky and embarrassing. went with sanctions like no TV, telling her afterwards at home (threats seemed to escalate things!) and praise when she came willingly! But never quite cracked it.

[Smiler]

Oh, and have seen lots of kids/parents going through similar! Always a relief when it's not your one (that time anyway)!

[canela]

Mine still has traces of this at 9. I try and make leaving as exciting as possible (?) by focusing on where we are going next, and explain that if he wants to be invited back again he needs to not stop the visit. Just say we are leaving in 5 minutes and then leave. It's really annoying but try not to pay too much attention as it is just a phase and it will stop - especially if you take no notice of it. He is allowed to not want to leave and to vocalise that - but he will learn as he gets older that shouting and screaming at the end of a playdate makes everyone annoyed - and will hopefully stop doing it.

[hazelnunhead]

HI Ole

I found at this age (my daughter was (IS) still like this (but thankfully lessened) that I did two things:

We did some fun role plays at home when I would be her and she would be me, and I would roll around on the floor, kicking my legs in the air, shouting ~ I'm not leaving, generally making myself look silly - and we would laugh over it. Then she would do the same - the sillier the better!

Then I would get her to role play without a fuss, and we would both have fun with this.

I asked her what would make it easier for her (did she want a 15 minute warning) and we came to an agreement on that.

Before the playdate, usually that morning, I remind her of expected behavior and on the whole this has worked really well. In this conversation I have told her that if she continues to not leave then it will impact on her going on another playdate.

I sometimes need to reinforce it, but by having some fun with her at this age, and coming up with silly and crazy scenarios of how NOT to leave a playdate, made her more aware of what I was really asking for.

Like Canela I also try and focus on what we are going to do, and shift the focus to something else ......

[mimosa]

I stopped taking my daughter to particular friends' places unless unavoidable and explaining why when she asked for a playdate ("remember what happened last time? We're not going because of what happened'"). I didn't do this to punish her but because I genuinely couldn't face the fallout when it was time to go home. Because this wasn't a particular strategy on my part I was surprised that she quickly 'got' it and would promise to behave if she could have the playdate - and when I eventually gave it another go a month or so later she was much better behaved (if not the perfect angel).