instead of health visitors..?

[snowboarder]

Who can you speak to? You lot are lovely and experienced and have loads of fab advice but I have SO many questions you will get tired of me pretty quickly!!

Weaning (when to how to)/sleeping (please)/playing/teething/weight loss/gain...argh...Everything seems so confusing and all my internet searching is just so contradictory...and as we have discussed the health visitors are less than enlightening and I just feel like I'm doing it all WRONG. GP's seem rubbish too.

Maybe just need to get a grip but why is it SO HARD??!

[Pickle]

I've always just relied on a combination of internet and my Mummy friends! I guess you'll be finding contradictory advice on most things simply because there's not really a right or wrong way to do these things - all you can do is read what's available to you, listen to what your friends do, then make a decision based on your little one.

Weight gain/loss is always a difficult one - this has been a point of irritation for me with both of my kids as neither of them followed the line in the dreaded red book charts. My son dropped off the bottom of the charts in the first few weeks and only recently (now 2.5) started to catch up. My daughter scrapes along the 2nd centile line. My feeling is that you will know if your little one is healthy, so try not to stress too much about weight!

I found coffee groups were great when my children were smaller - a good way to chat to other Mums and figure out what they were doing. Do you have a group of Mums you could meet with?

I'm sure there would be lots of Mums on here (me included) who would be more than happy to sit down and chat about all these things, I'm not an expert but could give my experiences based on my 2 monsters. Please feel free to PM me if you want to and I'll give you my details :)

[millie42]

I agree with Pickles above. Different HVs told me different things so I now rely on asking fellow mums. Also its useful to remember that children are hardy little things and there is never any wrong or right way to childcare. Feel free pm if you need any info and I am sure posting on here on the forum will give you loads of info.

BTW - Your username sounds familiar - Did we not meet up at one of the baby picnics at the summer? I am Felix's mum. Safe to say he is still refusing to crawl and concerving all his energy for eating and growing teeth. Do feel free to PM if you need anything.

[melbourne groover]

In conjunction with all of the above I found (find) What not to expect in the first year really helpful also. For those middle of the night questions etc. Always seems to have an answer...

[Mellors]

It is the hardest thing ever, and just when you think you have it sorted they do something new to confound you (a myestery medieval illness, or the next stage like potty training or some such).

HV's a rubbish, and just stress you out (I'm with Pickle on the weight chart thing).

Best advice I got/get was from my tea group friends (good old NCT was a lifesaver, and you dont have to have done their antenatal to join a tea group). Or my mum/husband's mum (in desperation - we have quite different views).

Everyone on here is more than happy to help I am sure - we are all in the same boat.

One thing I have discovered since No 2: babies are really quite indestructible despite their frail appearance. Despite my constant fretting No 1 son has made it to nearly 3 without dying/being seriously injured/starving/never walking etc etc etc (apart from falling out of the window once, but we will gloss over that). On that basis I have been much more laid back with No 2 (barely gets a look in), and she still seems to be in one piece.

We are doomed to spend the rest of our lives worrying that we are doing it all wrong though - thats motherhood!

[snowboarder]

Thank you all...will ration myself to a topic per week maybe to avoid snowboarder fatigue...

x

[largeginandtonic]

Have you tried mumsnet? (www.mumsnet.com). The discussion boards are really good and I expect you'll find loads of advice from searching old threads for the issues that interest you.

I had no end of sleep nightmares with my first child and found that the HV's were useless, the baby books drove me demented as I tried to implement their various strategies (none of which worked) and my NCT group were not that much help either since all the other mums had babies who slept. Mumsnet was a great source of advice and support.

I agree with Mellors - once you have a second baby you just stress out less!

[buggie]

Am sure you might be aware of this already, but the centile charts were based on bottle fed babies (as was the trend 50 odd yrs back when they were developed) and so br/fed babies don't follow the centiles as well, however, they are being redeveloped including assessment of br/fed /different ethnicity infants so that a more realistic chart is produced.

That said, a sudden increase/drop of 2 or more centiles should be taken seriously and check that nothing else is amiss.

Is really sad to read the comments on here regarding HV's, but am aware from work how confused parents can be by contradictory advice. My advice is always to be open to all advice offered as different things work for different people.

[Fuschia]

snowboarder Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Thank you all...will ration myself to a topic per

> week maybe to avoid snowboarder fatigue...

> x

No, go ahead! We like to chat, now we have space free of lots of "selling stuff"

[FatherJack]

Honestly HV's are my last resort..when baby number 1 was born we (HV & I) got off to a rocky start, mini FJ1 was low birthweight/slightly prem but permanently breast-fed or so it felt. After our second/third visit the HV said we would have to discuss alternatives to breastfeeding if weight did not increase at next visit. I was mortified and certainly was not aware that these weight graphs were based on bottle fed babies in the 50's. Our brood has increased somewhat and miniFJ5 has seen the HV ONCE in ten months and she came to my home.

Seek advice from friends/relations who are parents and this forum.

Relax and enjoy!!

[nicolemodesti]

It's sad that most of our opinions are very low on HV. I have to say that I do not put much faith in the service and rely on other mums and forums. I always feel very rushed by them at a visit and confused by advice given. Needless to say that once going back to work when my boy was 6 months I have only taken him twice since, for weight checks. When I did ask for advice on switching to cow's milk it was inadequate and I turned to ED forum where I was given sound tried and tested advice. Seems to be that HV are not thought of very highly in many boroughs and while I appreciate they are 'very busy and overworked' (stated to me when I tried to book my sons 8 month check)I feel that they coud take the time to guide first time mothers a little better!! Therefore people like Snowboarder would feel less that they are doing it all wrong, which I am sure you are not.

[Mellors]

I completely agree with FJ - I am afraid the HV would be my place of last resort. After No 2 was born I eventually rang them after a few weeks because nobody had been to see us, turns out they had no idea she existed. It was only because I wanted my red book for the immunisations that I bothered. When I did discuss a health issue with them (she was tongue tied it turned out) they fobbed me off, and it was sombody else who spotted it (by then too late to do much about it).

I think they add to the stress. Weigh the baby on your bathroom scales, and ask your friends for advice!

[Jessie]

I had a brilliant Albanian HV but that was 4 years ago - she was the only good one I have ever come across, and the advice my sister-in-law has received (not to feed her newborn too much as she said it had colic. It was in fact just v hungry!) shocked me to the core, not to mention it was potentially very dangerous. Luckily her GP stepped in (though this was Kingston, not ED). I second the What to Expect books, other parents, the Internet. Also practise nurses at GP surgeries as well as GPs themselves.