Any recommendations about books on having an only child?

[CocoC]

Hello

Through a combination of choice and being challenged reproductively (we are choosing not to have more treatment and at present actively preventing pregnancy because a lot of friends have just had their second babies and it looks and sounds bloody hard) it's highly likely that we will raise our daughter as an only child. She's only 2 so to be honest I thought I had ages to worry about the questions I might get in future about why she doesn't have any brothers and sisters, but apparently she spent yesterday trotting around nursery demanding a baby sister!! Anyway, I'm sure tomorrow she'll be trotting around asking for a biscuit - but I thought I might get ahead and read something - that deals with how we deal with the constant questions from well meaning friends and family, as well as debunking the 'only child myths' and any do's/ don'ts we may need to be aware of. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to make this into a big deal as one child families are much more common now and on the rise, and I really don't think we need to take any special measures as parents of an only child, but something I can dip into from time to time to make me feel a bit better about our circumstances/ choices would be helpful. Have checked out Amazon and there's a US book that takes forever to ship (for some reason) or something that looks quite hippy dippy from 15 years ago. Anyone read anything else? Thanks!

[Saffron]

I think many of the myths surrounding singleton children are passing with the turn of a generation, and it's no longer a stigma to have an only child... at least not in many Western cultures.

Still, people say dumb stuff -- usually well meaning / without thinking -- but people say dumb stuff about all sorts of things regarding parenting of multiples as well!

It's very supportive to read about how other people deal with varying parenting challenges, but ultimately you have to figure out what works for you. There was a Forum group for only-child playdates for while. It was interesting and useful to meet other parents, and see how different everyone was. But we all had one thing in common:- the myths about onlys were absolutely unfounded. Our children were not lonely, or spoilt, or arrogant, or sheltered, or self-centred!

This is an interesting article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/12/only-child-myths-lauren-sandler_n_3424272.html. Maybe the books it mentions would interesting too? xx

[Saffron]

And another. xx

http://www.richereducation.co.uk/

[CocoC]

Thank you Saffron for sharing your playdate anecdote, that's really lovely to hear. Thanks too for the links, I'm going to look at them now!

[scareyt]

We have an only child who is now 5, and I found it hard when he was 2 and 3. People were forever asking questions about when the next one will be coming and it felt like everyone we knew had a baby as well as a toddler. We had some play dates through that playgroup with other only children which helped, for me more than him to be honest, and once he started school it became much less of an issue. There were several other only kids in his class, and people also stopped with the daft questions around the same age which was nice! Now I love the freedom we have and how portable our little family is - we've been canoeing together and do loads of trips and outings that would be a struggle with a smaller one in tow. I do feel a bit sorry for him sometimes as he's missing out on the noise, fun & chaos of being part of a big family that I loved growing up. But then I also would have loved some more time and attention from my Mum, which he has loads of, and he has a great relationship with his grandparents which he is lucky to have, so there is good and bad in every family set-up. I never read any books about it but just wanted to reassure you that for us at least it became fine quite quickly, and what helped was friendships with other only kids.

[midivydale]

Yes i found the endless questions from people really hard (and rude!). We have landed abit with idea of having one child but I find the endless questions really overwhelming at times.

[CocoC]

Thank you Saffron and midivydale. Yep - I think we're on the cusp of starting to get all the 'when's the next one coming' kind of questions. Your little one turning two seems to be the trigger. But then, I should be well-versed having gone through the whole 'when are you going to 'hurry up' and have children' questions I got when we were married and childless :)

[BeccaL]

Yup, I've had a lot of those questions. "We're quite happy with the one we've got" tends to be my standard reply - if I only had ?1 for each time I've said that over the years...

[alice]

which may upset those who did not have a second child because they were unhappy with the one they've got