Romancing the single mum

[northlondoner]

Hopefully this is the right forum - and I'm sure this isnt a unique situation.

Does anyone have any tips on handling a romance with a single mum of a three year old - especially when it comes to valuable adult time alone.

Babysitting agencies tend to be horrifically expensive. Relatives are all a fair distance away and so the only real date-night option tends to be other parents from school. Obviously there's a bit of quid pro quo involved - and anyway, there's a limit to how often one rely on that option. Help! A lifetime of watching Holby on a Saturday night beckons menacingly.

Also: When is it ok for the little one to find the "boyfriend" sitting perkily at the breakfast table ( having woken up absurdly early to avoid being caught in bed) ? I fear it could prove nerve wracking for everyone involved. Any suggestions from either side of the gender divide gratefully received.

[emc]

As the single mum of a three year old I am qualified to answer as I have similar issues when it comes to dating - you could offer to pay half of babysitting fee (am sure you do anyway) so you can go out and don't use those agencies, they are horrifically expensive (am assuming she doesn't do overnights with her Dad if he still in the picture)...I use local au pairs (when friends and family not available) who are much cheaper and really lovely - PM if you want details.

And once the little girl is in bed you can make a romantic evening even if not going out - take over some yummy food, good wine, candles and cook for her...as a single mum having someone prepare a meal is a real luxury

As for the last query - God, I don't know...introductions to children only come when you are pretty far into the relationship and only when both of you think it may be serious - that's just my view others may disagree.

Good luck!

[Ann]

My 16 year old daughter has done a lot of babysitting locally and can supply references. PM if ever your stuck.

[Smiler]

It'd be good to find a babysitter, not from an agency.

Agree with emc that cooking for her is a v.good plan, my friend is being romanced in this way at the moment!

[northlondoner]

Thanks guys - will follow all this up....

[missd]

We use an agency called Sitters. It's really good and not unreasonable (well I don't think so). You pay ?12 a quarter to teh agency. Then ?5-75 or so an hour direct to the sitter whenever you use her. It's worth checking out. We've used them a few times now and have been really happy with them.

They are nationwide too so if you're staying somewhere else in the country you can book a sitter local to wherever you are.

[The Nappy Lady]

northlondoner,

re being found sitting at the kitchen table for breakfast, I would be inclined to think that a 3 year old would pretty much take it in their stride, as long as you and Mum just acted 'normal'.

Of course this will need to be when Mum feels she is ready, and in the longer term questions may be asked, but you can always say you had a 'sleepover' and leave it at that until more questions are asked (does the settee look comfy??!!)!

Hope the cooking is going well, there are also people who will come in and cook a meal for you in your own home - so you could get the restaurant feel without having to go out - might be fun. Also I think anything that would fall under the 'pampering' remit would probably go down well, whether it be offering to take the 3 year old to the park one morning so Mum can have time to herself (or while she gets a surprise massage/pedicure/manicure or whatever that you have arranged), or surprising her with a big soaky bath to enjoy!

Oh, this is all making me feel the need to be romanced again, better have a word with my hubby LOL!!! ;-)

Molly