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Which pubs, bars, restaurants and take-aways do you avoid?
messageBest way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by Peckhamgatecrasher June 24, 08:56AM

Recommendations please.

Some plonker practising a clarinet in the garden from 8.10 am this morning is making me desperate.

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by KidKruger June 24, 09:35AM

Sledgehammer should do it.
Under those conditions, everybody will understand.
Otherwise, shout at him saying how crappy his tunes are and laugh, loud.

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by Lordship_local June 24, 09:55AM

We got someone nearby who *started* playing music outside at 2am! I wouldn't want to hurt them, but I didn't really know what else to do other than stare forlornly at my ceiling and hope that my bad vibes would mean they would be overcome with guilt (they weren't).

Having to open the window in the heat really does make a noise difference though. In my last place, I used to hear a dawn chorus of different phone alarms going off on summer mornings....

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by seenbeen June 24, 10:09AM

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Recommendations please.
>
> Some plonker practising a clarinet in the garden
> from 8.10 am this morning is making me desperate.

I've had continuous loud building noise from the attached house next door being completely refurbished since last September- every weekday from 8am and they tried it on on a couple of weekends too. They did not contain dust until I got the council involved. The owners who are not living there accused me of lying when I texted them about the weekend work. And skip lorries and building supplies delivery lorries turned up even earlier until we complained to them.

8.10 am is NOT early

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by JohnL June 24, 10:49AM


messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by Spartacus June 24, 11:18AM

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Recommendations please.
>
> Some plonker practising a clarinet in the garden
> from 8.10 am this morning is making me desperate.

"Kindness" or "softly with his song" are two good recommendations !

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by fishbiscuits June 24, 11:47AM

8am is not unreasonable, but playing clarinet in the garden is!

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by Peckhamgatecrasher June 24, 11:49AM

JohnL - rather it were improvements on a clarinet.

KK - do you mean retaliate with Peter Gabriel?

Thank you, Spartacus (said tartly).

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by teddyboy23 June 24, 05:42PM

Landmine used one on a neighbour years ago .no one knew it was me .ah fcuk forget that



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit was june 24, 05:48pm by teddyboy23.

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by Sue June 24, 10:57PM

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Recommendations please.
>
> Some plonker practising a clarinet in the garden
> from 8.10 am this morning is making me desperate.


Do you want to borrow my melodeon? 🤣🤣🤣

I'm sure you could drown him out 🤣🤣🤣

ETA: Or her ....


If that fails, you could "accidentally" throw it at him/her. It's quite heavy 🤣



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit was june 24, 10:59pm by Sue.

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by snoopy17 June 24, 11:24PM

don't let him know it's annoying you, they'll do it all the more if they know.

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by diable rouge June 24, 11:37PM

Full frontal nudity while singing an aria from a bedroom window, works every time...

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by KidKruger June 25, 12:23AM

no, I mean a real one, to the back of the skull. kinda thing.

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> JohnL - rather it were improvements on a
> clarinet.
>
> KK - do you mean retaliate with Peter Gabriel?
>
> Thank you, Spartacus (said tartly).

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by Lynne June 25, 08:33AM

If this was Midsummer Murders you could break into his house while he's out, put a drugged cobra into his clarinet which would then wake up the first time he played it. Or a movement sensitive explosive.

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by DulwichFox June 25, 11:30AM

To prevent being caught best not to post on a Local Forum with your intentions.. smiling smiley

Foxy

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by Lordship_local June 25, 11:31AM

This is the Lounge though Foxy, police would never scroll down this far.

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by Spartacus June 25, 12:37PM

Try asking foxy to talk to them

His posts are enough to bore anyone to death 😱

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by seenbeen June 25, 04:58PM

You could employ the builders that have extended the house next door to me.
I had just cleared up some foxes' scat from outside my back door. I had just gone inside when a large black tile fell into my sideway at exactly the place where I had been cleaning just before! It was not from my roof- they had balanced the tile on the ridge between the two houses and it fell off.
Or failing that, drop a house brick and half a housebrick from the window but make sure it is from your actual window surround into their garden...

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by KidKruger June 25, 09:09PM

wasn't there a guy who used to post on here who preached the benefits and purity of hunting by bow and arrow (or was it crossbow) ?
He may be able to help.

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by malumbu June 25, 11:19PM

Used to have neighbours working in Saudi. When they came back for hols lots of late partying. At the time I thought chlorine gas via their loft. But actually carbon monoxide better.

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by JohnL June 26, 09:40AM

KidKruger Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> wasn't there a guy who used to post on here who
> preached the benefits and purity of hunting by bow
> and arrow (or was it crossbow) ?
> He may be able to help.


Ahh. Robin Hood I remember him well.

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by diable rouge June 26, 02:30PM

KidKruger Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> wasn't there a guy who used to post on here who
> preached the benefits and purity of hunting by bow
> and arrow (or was it crossbow) ?
> He may be able to help.

Sounds like BBW, saw himself as the Rambo of Sydenham Woods...

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by Peckhamgatecrasher June 26, 02:44PM

It was so bad, I left town for two days!

I think I favour the melodeon or asp method at the moment.

We could write Mid-Summer Murders as a collective, and make a fortune out of my misery.

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by ianr June 26, 03:59PM

> Or a movement sensitive explosive.

Nitrogen tri-iodide crystals on the keys. Or a computer program which re-broadcasts what's played with a delay of a couple of seconds and/or frequencies shifted by a semitone or so. Neither likely to be fatal but could have marked behavioural effects.

What would we be extinguishing, btw? Mozart, Debussy, Joplin, Gershwin, Bilk, ...?

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by Sue June 26, 05:46PM

diable rouge Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> KidKruger Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > wasn't there a guy who used to post on here who
> > preached the benefits and purity of hunting by
> bow
> > and arrow (or was it crossbow) ?
> > He may be able to help.
>
> Sounds like BBW, saw himself as the Rambo of
> Sydenham Woods...


Crikey, (unwelcome) blast from the past big grin

messageRe: Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?
Posted by Peckhamgatecrasher June 26, 07:18PM

What would we be extinguishing, btw? Mozart, Debussy, Joplin, Gershwin, Bilk, ...?

I'd say 20thC but not sure what.

Memory's now playing tricks: was it in fact an oboe? Does that make it socially more acceptable?


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