mockney piers

isn't worst Turner Prize sort of tautologous?

This made me chuckle, protesters in wall st. I love the fact that they're polite enough to have second thoughts about that k being offensive when they're requesting people to jump to their deaths!!

the key to all those balance game is crouch looooowwwwww. Missus loves the step workout thingy, and the boxercise game brilliantly reveals just how badly coordinated and what a total lack of rhythm most people possess!! Have to get back on to that wii fit, getting a pot-belly!!

Oh god, bad christmas do's!! The black tie one where I ended up snogging 4 women including the girl I brought with me and the girlfriend of a colleague that he brought, as well as 2 other colleagues, and have vague memories of the Chief Exec saying 'See you bright and early tomorrow' as I stumbled out, missing all the buttons from my wide open, red-wine-stained shirt, into the night. Not my proudest moment and worst case of Type 1 Fear next day I can recall, but very funny looking back on it.

One timeI'd been on a particularly heavy leo sayer that may have involved the odd naughty substance and toward the end of the night i noticed I was completely alone in the pub. I wandered behind the bar helped myself to a couple of shots and topped up my pint before wandering outside to realise that half the area had turned up for a good old rumble in the pub carpark. The bar owner was taking a baseball bat to a someone in front of me, but I was far too battered (figuratively speaking) for any of this to seem real. I wandered through the middle of this huge set-to like a floating apparition nodding my hellos to bemused looking people mid punch, ending up sitting on the back end of a black maria doing what I thought was a great job of chatting up a cute young lady police officer with my pint still in hand. She politely rebuffed my advances and suggested I go home, despite my doubtless dazzling repartee. My flat mates found me fast asleep in the communal stairwell 2 floors down from our apartment and had to carry me to bed. I didn't venture outside for about 2 days after that one and considered myself fortunate not to have woken up in the cells.

I put forward a friend of mine for a job at a previous company. After the interview the boss asked if he wanted to hang around as we were all going out for a drink. We got pretty trashed and he started chatting a random girl up in a naff city bar. Their conversation got on to what people would and wouldn't dare do, resulting in his standing on a table with his trousers & pants round his ankles screaming "WAHEYYYY". He won his ?20 off the girl, ended up back at hers (after being thrown out of the bar) and still got the job, so you never know, things might actually work out for the better!! ps he'd be utterly mortified if he knew I'd told this story, he's a very sensible father of 3 these days.

This will actually be my first christmas in London as it goes, so I'm looking for something similar, I seem to recall people were saying there were a couple open last year.

Who hasn't had a cab refuse to take them, again part of the human condition (after 10 sambuccas). As I said you made it home; better than my missus who used to phone up regularly, tearfully, having been thrown out of the cab halfway home.

The power of the homing monkey should never be underestimated, you made it home and that's the most important thing. You'll have a bad day of the Type 1 Fear today, that awful not knowing, what on earth happened fear. Don't worry people don't do things they wouldn't when they're drunk, they just do the usual stuff badly and loudly. Tomorrow you'll have Type 2 Fear, that insidious and unsettling awareness of your own mortality, but that too will pass. Keep your head down but your chin up!!!

she doesn't, as the crusty lady pointed out at the pathetic attempts at organised justice "this is buullshit", but frankly it's typical of a politicians ego to put take on imagined burdens and imagine themselves more important than they are, she's actaully just the chief executive of a small eco farm. I can't understand why noone's made for the nearest army base and stocked up, that's the number one rule of any apocalypse, the people with guns survive. Haven't the writers read the Zombie Survival Guide?!?!

Yeah, looking after 30 people who've just had some chickens stolen, THAT sort of pressure, can make you buckle ;-)

amusing image searches were almost the entire staple of El Reg's output about 4 years ago!!

I think Survivor has been getting a bit better, but have you seen the latest 'news' from the beeb who'll be remaking The Day of the Triffids next. What's with all this apocalyptic stuff? Is it symptomatic of a wider social malaise brought on by the recession, global warming, bird flu or are tv producers having a case of the blues?

We?re just receiving a report of an incident at a farm in Sussex Where a number of people have been arrested in connection with annoying the nation It is believed the owner of the farm, a Mr Hibbert, has been co-operating with police and government officials in a plot code named operation ?Less Pricks? and kindly granted permission for the use of his 17th century tithe-barn as a temporary holding place for those arrested Although not confirmed we are led to understand that those already charged include * Bus drivers who don?t wait for people to sit down before pulling away from the bus stop * Taxi drivers who use their horns instead of knocking on the door * People who moan at the council about the streets being full of litter not stopping to think that it is people who drop litter not the council * A room full of drama teachers listening to Bjork * Grown men with replica shirts worn over their jumpers who stand up and stretch out their arms when the opposing team fail to hit the target * An assortment of scriptwriters, novelists and playwrights who own agas but don?t know how to use them * A musical equipment reviewer responsible for an article titled ?microphone of the month? * A woman who described herself as, ?a little bit Bridget, a little bit Ally, a little bit Sex in the City?, and chose to call her baby boy Fred as a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction to those that might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert. Bit of advice, call him Rupert. It fits and besides it?s a good name. Don?t be calling him Fred or Archie with all its cheeky but loveable scamp working class connotations unless you do really have plans for him to spend his life in William Hill?s waiting for them to weigh in at Newton-Abbott * Also being held is a whole wall full of teenagers spitting needlessly * An amateur thug in camouflage trousers whose Japanese fighting dog had run amok on a Swindon council estate * A man from the record company who said that George Michael continues to challenge social taboos through his music * Lisa Riley * Continuity announcers introducing comedy shows * A pub band that get uppity when everyone goes to the bar during a song they?ve written themselves * A group of football fans referred to as ?commodores? as in once, twice, three times a season, who feed sugar-lumps to police horses at cup finals * An artist who said his next album will be more song based * A man who informs people that he gets up at 6am every morning and seemed to want a medal * People who say they speak as they find and are somehow proud of it * Journalists who try and spell an interviewees laugh * An organisation that declared and awareness week for awareness weeks * And a council worker who dropped litter

"But when you're in Matlock Bath You don't need Sylvia Plath Not when you've got Mrs Gibson's jam"

You can't make this stuff up can you. Anyhoo, tour, carry on or not? How happy would you be being reassured by security services who take 3 days to sort out a couple of blokes with AKs?

Here you go The Grotto

"As it's karaoke I'm dressing as one of Slipknot" Whoooo the ?$(%&$(^& hell are sliiiipknot Whoooo the ?$(%&$(^& hell are sliiiipknot I don't suppose there'll be any Half Man Half Biscuit songs on the karaoke will there?

Floating Onion and I had a good old bash at the Nazi Zombies game in CoD 5 last night, and frankly it's worth the entrance price alone. I thoroughly recommend this to anyone who's been tempted by CoD5, it's so absurd it's hard to describe. 4 of you in a fogged in concrete bunker with boarded up windows. Nazi clad zombies approach in waves, take them out with guns bought from chalk marks on the wall earned by killing zombies (more for headshots) and repairing the barricades the zombies tear down. more points you earn means opening up more parts of the bunker with better weapons available but also more entry points to watch over. By the 9th wave they are no longer night of the living dead and more 28 days later. Scary but fun!!

Bring back hanging I say. Ooh, talking of which, did anyone see Survivors last night, that was a bit brutal, typical OTT populist knee jerk reaction from the government though, I bet you she's labour!!

very true quids. You can survive a bit better in the north and south coasts, especially if you stretch to fish, but in central Spain, might as well give up ;-/

3 clean sheets in a row!! wow. Collins has been huge and Upson class, and nice to see Green getting a bit of consistency back again. Ok, we're not showing much ambition going forward at the moment, but good to get the basics right again and hopefully we can build from here. Mid-table obscurity here we come!!!

As it goes, the South of France, where almost everything is drizzled in goose fat, has the lowest incidence of heart disease in Europe, and apparently it might just be very good for you!!

In fairness your point boils down to you thinking about what you eat and making the time and effort to prepare good food, an the others being lazy, and hat's off to you!! But it's not really a veggie vs meat issue is it.