Dudley

We have Ikea bunk beds arriving this Wednesday. I need a handy man to put them up and also take a double bed down. Please PM if interested.

We need a handyman/garden man to clean and treat the decking (not very big, and a few other small jobs. Please PM.

Hi again and thank you for the discussion and in particular explaining the technicalities of an opt-out. Just a few points in general. 1) The Opt-out. The campaign is in part (although this is not by any means the main aim) about making an opt-out for under 18?s only. It would not apply to adults. So I don?t think it is fair to label it as censorship or Mary Whitehouse. First, Mary Whitehouse wanted offensive material including language banned generally for adults and not just children. Secondly, we do regulate different products and things when it comes to children and young people. Sometimes the dividing line is 18, sometimes 16. For example we already restrict alcohol and cigarettes to young people on the basis that they can be harmful products. In terms of material that is viewed this is restricted also. Obviously there is the ?watershed? and films are still restricted to certain age categories. So it is very much apart of our legal and cultural tradition to restrict some products or images from being viewed by young people, usually on the basis that it can cause some harm. Not every restriction is ?Mary Whitehouse?, ?China?, or Victorian Puritanism. I agree, of course, that it is the parents who are the first and primary people who have responsibility for restricting what their children buy or view. However films like Saw or Hostel etc are still restricted to over 18?s. Young people are not allowed view these by law even if their parents were willing to accompany them to the cinema. Do young people still view them online or by DVD at home? Yes of course but the question is should the law facilitate this. So the Internet is (relatively) new to our legal and cultural tradition. Should some of its content be restricted to under 18?s on the basis of harmful effects like we do with films? I think so. Does this mean it will still be viewed by some people, under the age limit? Yes, but it is restriction at least. Is pornography harmful to the young mind? It can be. The mind of a 10, 11, 12 year old has not matured yet, and I do think some of the material reportedly online is influencing in a negative way how some (not all) young people view women, in particular. Will this cure all of society?s ills? Of course not, and I do not pretend that it will. But I do think more young people are committing more unwanted sexual acts against other young people because they are influenced by online pornography. These are not the ?stranger in the dark? but their friends. I rely on the following link as evidence of this. http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/10232886.Judge_s_warning_as_boy_commits_rape_after_accessing_pornography_through_Playstation/ I ask you to look at the judge?s comments and those of Natalie Brook, a manager at Oxford Sexual Abuse and Rape Crisis Centre, in particular. I would like to add that this is not about ?moral panic?. As rule I try not to panic, as what it the point? It is not very constructive. The internet is great (look at us discussing this on a public forum), but ?and this might sound naff but I really do believe it ? we must control it, and not let it control us. 2) Who calls the shots? Well I certainly don?t agree that no one calls the shots. We as a society call the shots. And it is up to us discuss these issues, and determine how we want to deal with them. But I do, at least think, there is a real issue here. 3) Police culture Saffron, thank you for your comments and telling us about your friend?s story. I certainly don?t think every person who is abused will go on to abuse. I agree the policing culture needs to change. This is relevant I think to the ?blaming the victim? culture that needs to change, as I discuss on the website. As I set out in the blog update on the website and from the recent news we know there are still problems with how the police handle complaints of sexual offences. The IPCC, only just reported how the Sapphire team in Southwark police were asking victims to withdraw their complaints of rape to improve their ?clean-up? rates for crimes. And of course Seville is on-going. In particular there is a problem with information sharing between forces, which seems to have been very relevant in your friend?s case. However the CPS have made a very important announcement in terms of how future cases of child sexual exploitation will be handled, which will impact on the police too. This is also in the blog. 5) Would time and money not be better spent identifying and supporting victims(and abusers, esp'y children... as you note it may be that children with inappropriate or abusive behaviour were themselves abused)? Saffron. Yes I agree. There are Safeguarding Children Boards, who I believe, should always be identifying possible victims. What I have found shocking however from reading in this area, that after the Rochdale sexual exploitation trial, there was a Safeguarding report, and it is clear form this that social services knew these girls were being abused, but they did not label it as such. They believed what was going on was consensual even though they were well below the age of consent. I have linked this report as a resource on the website. 4) And finally.. Although the focus so far has been on an internet opt-out I would appreciate any other views on other parts of the campaign? A genuine thanks for taking the time to discuss this.

Hello there, After much consideration, contemplation and debate I have founded a grass-roots group to raise public awareness of child sexual exploitation and to campaign against a culture that facilitates it. The website is here: http://www.allourdaughters.co.uk I have posted this in the Drawing Room but I am told here is more appropriate. This issue has been in and out of the headlines but I personally feel there is a need for a campaign to help ordinary people challenge a culture that facilitates this exploitation. There are, of course, some amazing charities that work in this area, but they are all directly helping the actual victims of this abuse. This group could not attempt to do this. This campaign hopes to raise public awareness of child sexual exploitation, and to enable ordinary people to challenge some of the ideas, which I believe help facilitate this abuse. It would be great if you check out the website, and if you feel strongly about this issue to get in touch via the website and become a supporter. Many thanks, Laura McGowan

Hello, Thank you for taking the time to look at the website and post here. Some brief replies; Loz: There are some suggestions to lower the age of consent and reference to this is on the website; No. 10 policy unit. Yes it has been dismissed. We hope this will remain the case. Opt-in internet: We are aware some people will be against it. But we think it is necessary and fair. Sentencing: this is a complex area, no I don't think we should lock them all up. I have made replies to the current sentencing consultation on sexual offences (as said in the latest blog on the website). If you would like a copy of the replies I can e-mail them to you. Saffron: Thank you for this BBC link. Alot of children who show inappropriate sexual behaviour at such a young age will have been abused themselves. One form of abuse is showing them pornography. This is one of the reasons why I believe there should be an opt-in system Some children do have abusive and not responsible parents. Of course it would not prevent this abuse completely, but it would help. WorkingMummy: I have heard about the Dutch culture before. I do think however Dutch society is vastly different from Britain. It is more accepting of teenage sexuality, but it less hyper-sexualised over all, such as in TV and the media etc. But I have no particular experience on this point. If you have a chance please to check out the blog where I have out up some updates: http://www.allourdaughters.co.uk/172074346 Many thanks,

Hello there, After much consideration, contemplation and debate I have founded a grass-roots group to raise public awareness of child sexual exploitation and to campaign against a culture that facilitates it. The website is here: http://www.allourdaughters.co.uk This issue has been in and out of the headlines but I personally feel there is a need for a campaign to help ordinary people challenge a culture that facilitates this exploitation. There are, of course, some amazing charities that work in this area, but they are all directly helping the actual victims of this abuse. This group could not attempt to do this. This campaign hopes to raise public awareness of child sexual exploitation, and to enable ordinary people to challenge some of the ideas, which I believe help facilitate this abuse. It would be great if you check out the website, and if you feel strongly about this issue to get in touch via the website and become a supporter. Many thanks, Laura McGowan

We have a very small north facing garden (Heber Road), they are all very small. Sorry to say that it is virtually unusable in the Winter. Especially as we have grass. Very muddy and damp. Fine in Summer, as the sun is full on (Just like South facing garden in fact). I fantasise about a south facing garden- but comfort myself with thought that Victorians always tried to build North facing as they wanted the kitchens cool. If is was a big garden, and had suitable material (perhaps paving - I think decking is a bad idea), you could still go for it. But is does mean our sitting room is flooded with light .....

Thank you both for this. I appreciate you taking the time to reply. They just called to say not to come in until 10am (and not 7am as before). New system! Was quite looking forward to brining in piles of magazines to read in peace (without my 2 small children)! Just as long as I get 'done' I will be happy. Thanks again,

Dear Forum people, I am going to Kings next week to have my gall bladder removed. It is a Day Surgery thing. I would really appreciate any experiences from people who have had day surgery. I delivered my second baby in Kings and all was fine but this is a bit different. Many thanks in advance,

Hi I used a buggy board on an icandy for my toddler and baby. My daughter was 2.5 when baby born. I used buggy and sling or buddy board and buggy (if you get my just). It can be a bit bumpy, but I was absolutely adamant that I would not get a Phil and Teds. They are an expensive bit of kit (even second hand) and come with their own problems. I also wanted to get toddler walking as much as possible. I would advise to push on, because I do think by 3 you will not even need the bb. I accept however it can be stressful at times (the running away bit), and not great for long journeys. The bb is really only an option for local journeys. The other thing you could do is get your toddler starting on a scooter. Of course it will take a while but as I said by 3, we now just use buggy and scooter or walking. Good luck.

Hi Suspy, She is probably not trying to control you, she probably needs some help and encouragement at first. I know this might sound controversial but I really do think you need to encourage the smallies to do things themselves or else you are going to be running after them with gym gear and lunch boxes etc when they are older. And then you have your 10 year old asking you to tie his laces. Anyway, in terms of practical help I think it is great you are using this time to help her. In the beginning I would get ready together. Does she like to choose her clothes herself, and underwear is pretty easy to put on herself. You can always say, oh Mummy is putting her top on now, now its Juniors turn. Mummy is putting her trousers on now it is juniors turn. If she does it, lots of praise. It is important to make clear that this happens before anything else like Fushia said. TV or breakfast. After a while you I bet she will start to enjoy it. I think if you invest the time now you will not be running after her when she is older. I also love the idea of that child turning up in his pj's. Clearly a family that knew they had to stick by a threat once made. I once brought my then 2.5 year old to playschool with no shoes as she refused to put them on. This is not meant to sound competitive but I do take every opportunity to encourage my daughter to be independent. She pretty much dresses herself and chooses her own clothes. She also puts her teddies on her bed ('make her bed.') before we go down stairs. I always get her to order in restaurants etc if possible. Sometimes I get her to pay. I get her to help me set the fire at home (but not light it! We are not quite tribe like yet!) If she forgets something like, water or a snack I never say 'Mummy forgot.' She forgot. If she forgets her own lunch when she is older that his her problem, not mine. Again, and I am just using this as an example, I once heard a Mom say to her 3/4 year old after a class Girl: Can I have some juice. Mom: Oh no Mummy forgot it, that means you get an extra nice juice today: Girl: Thanks. I really think this was a learning opportunity missed. If a child wants juice after sports class, the child should remember to bring it. So before you leave the house, for a very young child you can always get her to 'pack her bag for snacks or whatever.' And of course you can make suggestions at the beginning. But it is always small little steps. I do think that young children especially love, love, love to help out and become independent. And I do think we molly-coddle too much. Good luck!

I just reply to this thread as a general 'thought for the day.' I think we have all been in these situations with our young children. but I read this article and got tough with my 3 year old. It has made a big splash in the US. Very thought provoking, I think. http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2012/07/02/120702crbo_books_kolbert

Just a quick reply. You said in your update that he is quite responsive. Does this mean he is now pointing? Pointing is really, really important because it means that even if he cannot speak, he understands everything i.e he can hear. Do you think he can understand things? You know how people say, oh he does not say much but he understands everything. I just want to say that now is a crucial time for a child. Also, if he does have a speech delay, there will be a delay to see a SLT on the NHS. This is a service which has been affected by the cuts. It is not helpful that SIL is competitive so I would definitely go through brother, or mother. But I would do something. Good luck.

Although I am not a public-law lawyer and hold no expertise in the area I will say a few general words on this. It is not a question of HSE v a public inquiry. The HSE are going to have an inquiry. This is standard procedure in these cases. The current problem is that Mr Halappanavar states he will not co-operate with it or consent to having his wife?s medical records released. This obviously compromises it. The 3 Galway based consultants have now been removed. It seemed a bit bonkers to have them there in the first place. I am not surprised he objected. Whether this will change his mind is not yet known. On public, that is statutory inquiries; Ireland does have a bad track-record on these (in my opinion). They are not like those which take place in England. They tend to be very lengthy (we are talking years, not months); very expensive and you are no closer to the truth at the end of process than you were at the beginning. It may be the case that with the right legislation one could over-come these problems but it is by no means a certainty. The main issue with inquiries, either HSE, or public is perception. If they are not seen to be fair then there is really no point in doing them, as sense of fairness is crucial. http://www.rte.ie/news/2012/1120/savita-halappanavar-inquiry.html

Thank you for sharing your story Reading. I am very sorry for your loss.