Dudley

We have Ikea bunk beds arriving this Wednesday. I need a handy man to put them up and also take a double bed down. Please PM if interested.

We need a handyman/garden man to clean and treat the decking (not very big, and a few other small jobs. Please PM.

Hi again and thank you for the discussion and in particular explaining the technicalities of an opt-out. Just a few points in general. 1) The Opt-out. The campaign is in part (although this is not by any means the main aim) about making an opt-out for under 18?s only. It would not apply to adults. So I don?t think it is fair to label it as censorship or Mary Whitehouse. First, Mary Whitehouse wanted offensive material including language banned generally for adults and not just children. Secondly, we do regulate different products and things when it comes to children and young people. Sometimes the dividing line is 18, sometimes 16. For example we already restrict alcohol and cigarettes to young people on the basis that they can be harmful products. In terms of material that is viewed this is restricted also. Obviously there is the ?watershed? and films are still restricted to certain age categories. So it is very much apart of our legal and cultural tradition to restrict some products or images from being viewed by young people, usually on the basis that it can cause some harm. Not every restriction is ?Mary Whitehouse?, ?China?, or Victorian Puritanism. I agree, of course, that it is the parents who are the first and primary people who have responsibility for restricting what their children buy or view. However films like Saw or Hostel etc are still restricted to over 18?s. Young people are not allowed view these by law even if their parents were willing to accompany them to the cinema. Do young people still view them online or by DVD at home? Yes of course but the question is should the law facilitate this. So the Internet is (relatively) new to our legal and cultural tradition. Should some of its content be restricted to under 18?s on the basis of harmful effects like we do with films? I think so. Does this mean it will still be viewed by some people, under the age limit? Yes, but it is restriction at least. Is pornography harmful to the young mind? It can be. The mind of a 10, 11, 12 year old has not matured yet, and I do think some of the material reportedly online is influencing in a negative way how some (not all) young people view women, in particular. Will this cure all of society?s ills? Of course not, and I do not pretend that it will. But I do think more young people are committing more unwanted sexual acts against other young people because they are influenced by online pornography. These are not the ?stranger in the dark? but their friends. I rely on the following link as evidence of this. http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/10232886.Judge_s_warning_as_boy_commits_rape_after_accessing_pornography_through_Playstation/ I ask you to look at the judge?s comments and those of Natalie Brook, a manager at Oxford Sexual Abuse and Rape Crisis Centre, in particular. I would like to add that this is not about ?moral panic?. As rule I try not to panic, as what it the point? It is not very constructive. The internet is great (look at us discussing this on a public forum), but ?and this might sound naff but I really do believe it ? we must control it, and not let it control us. 2) Who calls the shots? Well I certainly don?t agree that no one calls the shots. We as a society call the shots. And it is up to us discuss these issues, and determine how we want to deal with them. But I do, at least think, there is a real issue here. 3) Police culture Saffron, thank you for your comments and telling us about your friend?s story. I certainly don?t think every person who is abused will go on to abuse. I agree the policing culture needs to change. This is relevant I think to the ?blaming the victim? culture that needs to change, as I discuss on the website. As I set out in the blog update on the website and from the recent news we know there are still problems with how the police handle complaints of sexual offences. The IPCC, only just reported how the Sapphire team in Southwark police were asking victims to withdraw their complaints of rape to improve their ?clean-up? rates for crimes. And of course Seville is on-going. In particular there is a problem with information sharing between forces, which seems to have been very relevant in your friend?s case. However the CPS have made a very important announcement in terms of how future cases of child sexual exploitation will be handled, which will impact on the police too. This is also in the blog. 5) Would time and money not be better spent identifying and supporting victims(and abusers, esp'y children... as you note it may be that children with inappropriate or abusive behaviour were themselves abused)? Saffron. Yes I agree. There are Safeguarding Children Boards, who I believe, should always be identifying possible victims. What I have found shocking however from reading in this area, that after the Rochdale sexual exploitation trial, there was a Safeguarding report, and it is clear form this that social services knew these girls were being abused, but they did not label it as such. They believed what was going on was consensual even though they were well below the age of consent. I have linked this report as a resource on the website. 4) And finally.. Although the focus so far has been on an internet opt-out I would appreciate any other views on other parts of the campaign? A genuine thanks for taking the time to discuss this.

Hello there, After much consideration, contemplation and debate I have founded a grass-roots group to raise public awareness of child sexual exploitation and to campaign against a culture that facilitates it. The website is here: http://www.allourdaughters.co.uk I have posted this in the Drawing Room but I am told here is more appropriate. This issue has been in and out of the headlines but I personally feel there is a need for a campaign to help ordinary people challenge a culture that facilitates this exploitation. There are, of course, some amazing charities that work in this area, but they are all directly helping the actual victims of this abuse. This group could not attempt to do this. This campaign hopes to raise public awareness of child sexual exploitation, and to enable ordinary people to challenge some of the ideas, which I believe help facilitate this abuse. It would be great if you check out the website, and if you feel strongly about this issue to get in touch via the website and become a supporter. Many thanks, Laura McGowan

Hello, Thank you for taking the time to look at the website and post here. Some brief replies; Loz: There are some suggestions to lower the age of consent and reference to this is on the website; No. 10 policy unit. Yes it has been dismissed. We hope this will remain the case. Opt-in internet: We are aware some people will be against it. But we think it is necessary and fair. Sentencing: this is a complex area, no I don't think we should lock them all up. I have made replies to the current sentencing consultation on sexual offences (as said in the latest blog on the website). If you would like a copy of the replies I can e-mail them to you. Saffron: Thank you for this BBC link. Alot of children who show inappropriate sexual behaviour at such a young age will have been abused themselves. One form of abuse is showing them pornography. This is one of the reasons why I believe there should be an opt-in system Some children do have abusive and not responsible parents. Of course it would not prevent this abuse completely, but it would help. WorkingMummy: I have heard about the Dutch culture before. I do think however Dutch society is vastly different from Britain. It is more accepting of teenage sexuality, but it less hyper-sexualised over all, such as in TV and the media etc. But I have no particular experience on this point. If you have a chance please to check out the blog where I have out up some updates: http://www.allourdaughters.co.uk/172074346 Many thanks,

Hello there, After much consideration, contemplation and debate I have founded a grass-roots group to raise public awareness of child sexual exploitation and to campaign against a culture that facilitates it. The website is here: http://www.allourdaughters.co.uk This issue has been in and out of the headlines but I personally feel there is a need for a campaign to help ordinary people challenge a culture that facilitates this exploitation. There are, of course, some amazing charities that work in this area, but they are all directly helping the actual victims of this abuse. This group could not attempt to do this. This campaign hopes to raise public awareness of child sexual exploitation, and to enable ordinary people to challenge some of the ideas, which I believe help facilitate this abuse. It would be great if you check out the website, and if you feel strongly about this issue to get in touch via the website and become a supporter. Many thanks, Laura McGowan

We have a very small north facing garden (Heber Road), they are all very small. Sorry to say that it is virtually unusable in the Winter. Especially as we have grass. Very muddy and damp. Fine in Summer, as the sun is full on (Just like South facing garden in fact). I fantasise about a south facing garden- but comfort myself with thought that Victorians always tried to build North facing as they wanted the kitchens cool. If is was a big garden, and had suitable material (perhaps paving - I think decking is a bad idea), you could still go for it. But is does mean our sitting room is flooded with light .....

Thank you both for this. I appreciate you taking the time to reply. They just called to say not to come in until 10am (and not 7am as before). New system! Was quite looking forward to brining in piles of magazines to read in peace (without my 2 small children)! Just as long as I get 'done' I will be happy. Thanks again,

Dear Forum people, I am going to Kings next week to have my gall bladder removed. It is a Day Surgery thing. I would really appreciate any experiences from people who have had day surgery. I delivered my second baby in Kings and all was fine but this is a bit different. Many thanks in advance,

Hi I used a buggy board on an icandy for my toddler and baby. My daughter was 2.5 when baby born. I used buggy and sling or buddy board and buggy (if you get my just). It can be a bit bumpy, but I was absolutely adamant that I would not get a Phil and Teds. They are an expensive bit of kit (even second hand) and come with their own problems. I also wanted to get toddler walking as much as possible. I would advise to push on, because I do think by 3 you will not even need the bb. I accept however it can be stressful at times (the running away bit), and not great for long journeys. The bb is really only an option for local journeys. The other thing you could do is get your toddler starting on a scooter. Of course it will take a while but as I said by 3, we now just use buggy and scooter or walking. Good luck.

Hi Suspy, She is probably not trying to control you, she probably needs some help and encouragement at first. I know this might sound controversial but I really do think you need to encourage the smallies to do things themselves or else you are going to be running after them with gym gear and lunch boxes etc when they are older. And then you have your 10 year old asking you to tie his laces. Anyway, in terms of practical help I think it is great you are using this time to help her. In the beginning I would get ready together. Does she like to choose her clothes herself, and underwear is pretty easy to put on herself. You can always say, oh Mummy is putting her top on now, now its Juniors turn. Mummy is putting her trousers on now it is juniors turn. If she does it, lots of praise. It is important to make clear that this happens before anything else like Fushia said. TV or breakfast. After a while you I bet she will start to enjoy it. I think if you invest the time now you will not be running after her when she is older. I also love the idea of that child turning up in his pj's. Clearly a family that knew they had to stick by a threat once made. I once brought my then 2.5 year old to playschool with no shoes as she refused to put them on. This is not meant to sound competitive but I do take every opportunity to encourage my daughter to be independent. She pretty much dresses herself and chooses her own clothes. She also puts her teddies on her bed ('make her bed.') before we go down stairs. I always get her to order in restaurants etc if possible. Sometimes I get her to pay. I get her to help me set the fire at home (but not light it! We are not quite tribe like yet!) If she forgets something like, water or a snack I never say 'Mummy forgot.' She forgot. If she forgets her own lunch when she is older that his her problem, not mine. Again, and I am just using this as an example, I once heard a Mom say to her 3/4 year old after a class Girl: Can I have some juice. Mom: Oh no Mummy forgot it, that means you get an extra nice juice today: Girl: Thanks. I really think this was a learning opportunity missed. If a child wants juice after sports class, the child should remember to bring it. So before you leave the house, for a very young child you can always get her to 'pack her bag for snacks or whatever.' And of course you can make suggestions at the beginning. But it is always small little steps. I do think that young children especially love, love, love to help out and become independent. And I do think we molly-coddle too much. Good luck!

I just reply to this thread as a general 'thought for the day.' I think we have all been in these situations with our young children. but I read this article and got tough with my 3 year old. It has made a big splash in the US. Very thought provoking, I think. http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2012/07/02/120702crbo_books_kolbert

Just a quick reply. You said in your update that he is quite responsive. Does this mean he is now pointing? Pointing is really, really important because it means that even if he cannot speak, he understands everything i.e he can hear. Do you think he can understand things? You know how people say, oh he does not say much but he understands everything. I just want to say that now is a crucial time for a child. Also, if he does have a speech delay, there will be a delay to see a SLT on the NHS. This is a service which has been affected by the cuts. It is not helpful that SIL is competitive so I would definitely go through brother, or mother. But I would do something. Good luck.

Although I am not a public-law lawyer and hold no expertise in the area I will say a few general words on this. It is not a question of HSE v a public inquiry. The HSE are going to have an inquiry. This is standard procedure in these cases. The current problem is that Mr Halappanavar states he will not co-operate with it or consent to having his wife?s medical records released. This obviously compromises it. The 3 Galway based consultants have now been removed. It seemed a bit bonkers to have them there in the first place. I am not surprised he objected. Whether this will change his mind is not yet known. On public, that is statutory inquiries; Ireland does have a bad track-record on these (in my opinion). They are not like those which take place in England. They tend to be very lengthy (we are talking years, not months); very expensive and you are no closer to the truth at the end of process than you were at the beginning. It may be the case that with the right legislation one could over-come these problems but it is by no means a certainty. The main issue with inquiries, either HSE, or public is perception. If they are not seen to be fair then there is really no point in doing them, as sense of fairness is crucial. http://www.rte.ie/news/2012/1120/savita-halappanavar-inquiry.html

Thank you for sharing your story Reading. I am very sorry for your loss.

When I was at University I remember learning about ?trial by ordeal?. This was how trials were conducted in medieval times to determine if someone was guilty of wrong doing. One of the methods was to throw the person into water. If they floated they were guilty because water was pure and it would expel anything impure. They were taken away and killed. If the person sank they were innocent, but probably drown. I remember thinking how barbaric, and not to mention stupid this was. The person died whether guilty or innocent. It must have been terrifying. After reading about another unfair court, the Court of Star Chamber and later Stalin?s show trials, I recall thinking how incredibly privileged I was to live in a time where methods of determining guilty or innocence were so sophisticated. Not only that, but everyone is now held equal before the law and entitled to a fair hearing. But, when things like this happen I ponder that, perhaps, despite all our wonderful technology and Human Rights Charters we are not so sophisticated after all. People are so quick to judge. If I, or indeed my husband, or later my children, were ever accused of wrongdoing or negligence in their professions, in the execution of their duty, I hope someone would stand up for me. I hope I wouldn?t just be thrown to the media and internet wolves. Somebody would say STOP. This person is entitled to a fair hearing; to put her version of events to a tribunal and be heard. And this tribunal should be unbiased and impartial. I think the nurses and doctors at University Hospital Galway ? people who have dedicated their lives to medicine and the care of others? are now damned whatever the outcome of the investigations and inquiries. So many people seem to have made up their minds. It matters not whether they sink or float.

9) DPP v Green, The Times, July 7 2004. 10) I don't think I know anyone who would deny necessary medical treatment to another on religious belief.

SO after listening to the coverage of this story on Irish radio here are my further thoughts: 1) Saffron, if you are under the impression that Britain?s wide availability to abortion makes it a safer place to have a child than Ireland then you are wrong. Ireland is the 6th safest place to have a child and the UK is 23rd. I have put in the link to the WHO reports in my first post. 2) Further, you seem to think I have missed the fact that Savita Halappanavar died (you type dead in capital letters). Believe me I have not. There is little else I have thought about since the story broke. I am wondering however, if your outrage was as strong when 5 women died in 18 months at Barking Havering and Redbridge Hospitals NHS Trust. http://maternitymatters.net/fifth-mother-dies-at-worst-maternity-unit-in-the-country-as-sister-blasts-doctors-for-delaying-treatment/ In fact this report from the Care Quality Commission makes for sobering reading: http://www.cqc.org.uk/sites/default/files/media/documents/20111026_bhrut_investigation_report_final_0.pdf In particular pages 19-20 make clear that staff are not just negligent but abusive. 3) The point I am trying to make is that the condemnation does suggest that Ireland is some backward nation where is it dangerous to be a pregnant women. This is the not the case. They have a good standard of care. 4) If I was to do as others do and pre-judge this case; if I was pushed I would say it seems in my (legal) opinion that the care offered was sub-standard and probably negligent. She should have been offered a D&C (or abortion if you want) once it was clear that the process was going on too long. Failure to do this may have caused the infection which proved fatal. Carbonara probably stated it accurately in that: ? was this bad medical negligence prompted by or compounded by over-zealous observance of the 'no termination' laws?? 5) Indeed, over-zealous and erroneous application of the law. Again, to be clear, legally, ethically and morally speaking the doctors were not prevented from performing a D&C whether there was a fetal heart beat or not. 6) D&Cs are carried out on miscarrying women all the time in Ireland. And they administer anti-biotics. In fact one midwife said she saw them 2 times a week. Again presence of a heart beat should not stop this, as long as the intention is to save the life of the women, or more specifically, to make sure the contents of the womb are emptied and cervix closed to prevent what can be a fatal infection. The doctors do not have to wait until infection is obvious. 7) Ireland is not perfect! Nor is the UK! I have delivered 2 babies in London, one in the Royal Free and second in King?s. The care I received was excellent. 8) I re-iterate that I think the staff of the hospital are entitled to due process. 9) Staferjack: ?Because I know too many Irish people who would support what the nurse said.? You know the wrong people. And you also seem to have unbound access into the minds of the Irish. Are you omnipotent? 10) As a matter of clarity, you can be guilty of a racially aggravated offence against a member of your own race. (However as an Irish person I do not think I am of a different race from ?white British? as we are part of the geographical British Isles). But others would disagree.

Carbonara, Thank you for clarify UK practice. The initial decision seemed to be 'cautious wait and see'. I believe that is also UK practice in some cases, but I am willing to be corrected on this? Perhaps it is only the case with first and not second trimester miscarriages? Second, if as I said, their were factors other than best medical care influencing the decision, such as Catholic ethos, then the hospital should be answerable. But at this stage they are not in a position to confirm or deny this. Finally, if the doctors were under the impression the presence of a foetal heartbeat prevented them from terminating to save the life of Savita Halappanavar, they are wrong legally, ethically, and morally.

Indeed, Ask yourself how that sounds if you replaces Catholic, with Jewish or Muslim.

Hi, I don't think you should be so judgmental in relation to Ireland. I am lawyer qualified in both Ireland and England and I think you should buy today's Irish Times for a full and accurate report on the tragic death Savita Halappanavar and legal landscape in the Republic of Ireland. 1) It is simply NOT known yet whether Savita Halappanavar's life could have been saved by a medical termination of her pregnancy, earlier in her miscarriage, and not relying on the miscarriage to come to its natural end. It MAY be the case that a termination of her pregnancy earlier could have saved her life but lets be clear - we do not know that yet. She died of septicaemia poisoning due to e-coli. She was administered antibiotics. It is not yet clear whether carrying out and earlier termination would have saved her life, or indeed at least increased the chances of her life being saved. If it is the case that a termination should have been given to save her life then, there is nothing in Ireland's constitution which prevents this treatment from being given, as medical abortions are permitted in Ireland to save the life of the mother. This is absolutely clear in article 40.3.3 of the Constitution and as per the X case. 2) The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists in the UK notes that between 2003 - 2005 there were 5 deaths from sepsis related pregnancy complications prior to 24 weeks gestation in Britain. 3) Ireland is 6th safest place in the world to have a baby. The UK is 23rd, behind Albania, Slovakia and the Czech Republic. http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2010/apr/12/maternal-mortality-rates-millennium-development-goals https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AonYZs4MzlZbdHp2SWFHbFJtcnpISk5ic3Z0S0l6clE#gid=0 4) IF it is shown that Savita Halappanavar's treatment was influenced by anything other than the best medical care and expertise then, and only then, should the hospital and staff be held responsible and answerable to the law, and their respective professional bodies. 5)The hospital staff are not permitted to comment on this story or indeed defend themselves from what is turning into a witch hunt and trial by media.

Hi, I have a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old boy and I offer the following advice! I really am no expert but I did read a parenting book which I found helpful a few months ago when I found that I was spending alot of time shouting at my daughter which as we all know is soul destroying and counter productive. And I mean shouting, alot :0( I definitely agree with: The key to disapline is consistency and clarity. It needs to be at the time of the insident, not later on if at all possible. Any 'you will not have' threats MUST be followed through- every single time. If you can't or won't follow it through, don't threaten it. From this comes: pick your battles. This really means if you do not have a threat that you cannot follow through on then don't make one. At least then you have not made a threat which you have not followed through on which is worse than just letting the bad behavior go. Within reason of course. Second, then is pick threats which you can follow through on. So if you are getting ready to leave the house to go to park (etc), and you know you have to go to the park or the house will be pulled apart, and your son is not putting his coat on, don't threaten, 'We are not going to the park if you don't put your coat on!' Because you know you want to go to the park as well as your son!! I sometimes now set up little 'threats' at the beginning of the day. So start really small. Maybe it is easier for a girl. For example, I give my daughter a bracelet to put on so that later I can use 'taking the bracelet' as a threat. (Something I can follow through on). So think if there are small things like this you can set up. The other thing is to reward good behaviour. If your son tidies up when you ask him to (you will have to help him at first), give loads and loads of praise. If he does get his coat some morning (maybe with a little help) loads and loads of praise for what a 'big helpful boy he is.' Finally, and this should come first is; try to spend some one and one time with him just playing. 20 mins. I know this is really, really hard with a baby. Maybe impossible, but it can improve behaviour. Also I agree that if you can give him some play time in a nursery do. If you are a SAHM I really think Magic Moments opposite the Horniman is good for this. 9:45 - 12:15 every day except Wednesday. There are no minimum days, no wait list, and it ?10 a day. It is not too long for the kids either. I saw this article and thought; yup we have all been here> http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/10/11/the-best-parenting-advice-i-ever-got/ Good luck!

Thanks for this. We went today and thought it was pretty good. Saved me from (another) dull day inside.

Well, I don't really do any ironing. And the little I do I do at night (agree dangerous when children around). This says alot about what I wear ... Although that has reminded me that I need to iron my rain mac, which I am told I will need for tomorrow. So better go!

I always find these threads interesting as I have 2 younger children - 2.5 and baby and I have to say a bit of a neat freak. I know this must be much easier than your situation, but for what it is worth... First I do think that Western children and people in the decadent West in general have too much stuff, If I think even about our small little family - why oh why do I have all these small stuffed toys. I am going to try to limit birthday and Christmas gifts but we will see... I think you will find it liberating to go through everyones things and sell/donate. Second, laundry. This is the bane of my life but yes I also do a little but often (although I do think it is more expensive). I don't iron my husbands shirts though. I know I may get critised for that as a SAHM but he does them himself while watching TV. In your case it may be worth farming them out to a laundry. I do think ironing takes up a ridiculous amount of time. 3) Children should be doing little things themselves. Ok I know yours are older and maybe it is wishful thinking, but I do think children should be encouraged to tidy away their own shit (sorry stuff). The rule in our house is nobody gets dinner until toys are put away. Generally this has worked. Anyway..here is hoping I won't sink below the 'stuff' when baby gets bigger.