Kes

Thanks simonethebeaver, would you recommend the GP practice generally? I've been considering seeing if I could swap anyway so I'll look into that! K

There are some very good arguments for medical professionals using placebos to treat all manner of things (studies have even shown it to work when they tell the patient it's a placebo) but current dogma is that it's unethical for doctors to do this. It would be very interesting therefore if midwives were doing exactly this in the full knowledge that the treatment was placebo. In some ways I'd have a lot of respect for that as it would show a great deal of skill in managing the very important psychological component of birth, it would however logically seem unethical and deceptive even when done with the best possible motivation. Sorry Fuscia I've wandered off on a theoretical point now (blaming the wine again) which was what I was trying to avoid all along in this post. Ultimately anything that is right for you and helps you feel calm, in control or less passive is a good thing, I'm just struggling to find people offering what is right for me. K

Would be interesting to know. Doctors used to deliberately prescribe placebos, and they could be very effective but they aren't allowed to do so any more (someone somewhere got sued).

blimey sorry that got really long no more wine for me

Thanks for all the suggestions, and for not flaming me! What a lovely lot you are! I've found the website for everyone suggested and I can't find any mention of Homeopathy on Sofie Jacobs site! So they do exist! Has anyone had any experience of her as a midwife though? The websites makes it sounds more like a support/Doula service, certainly something worth looking into though. The others all sound great and I'm sure they are excellent midwives but Verona Hall's site says she uses homeopathy to aid progression of labour and one of the Phoenix ladies was a homeopath for 15 years before becoming a midwife - although the others on that site don't mention it. That's not to say that I don't think these people can be good midwives as the experiences of people posting here shows, but last time I got a lot of conflicting opinions and "facts" that my background in human biology and evolution tell me just aren't true and I now find it pretty hard to trust any medical professional. I certainly don't think I'd have faith in someone who thought water diluted in water could aid the progression of labour when it took LOTS of drugs last time. Even if everything else they said and did was excellent there would be that doubt in my mind and in that case I'd be no better off paying a small fortune for a specific person than I would be taking my chances on the NHS. Fidgetsmum - that is really really good to hear! If I do get pregnant again I'll be right on the phone to them I'm just not sure how likely it is I'll get them as I'm over in Nunhead and not very likely to to be suitable for a home birth. Money certainly is an issue which is why I'd only do it if the person was perfect for me and as I said it's just a bit of research in advance at the moment anyway. I guess the conclusion I'm coming to is that there are very few independent midwives who'd fit the bill for me but that it may be worth talking to some of them if the time comes or at least to those who may work with homeopaths but don't trumpet it themselves. Another point that occurred to me is that perhaps some only offer it because it's something that many of their potential clients want and while it won't work for the reasons it's claimed to it won't do any harm and could well be very beneficial as a placebo to those who believe in it, helping them feel calm and in control. Would be interesting to find out! I hadn't intended this thread to be anything other than a look for recommendations but I think perhaps I feel a blog post coming on, will let you know if I ever get round to writing it! er I think the 2 glasses of wine and general lack of sleep are getting to me, I'm rambling, hope that all makes sense and thanks again for responding! K

St T's home from home is really good, I was there when I had my daughter but sadly complications meant I didn't stay there. If it's straight forward you get to stay in your own big room with your partner (there's a sofa bed) and go home within 24 hours. If it gets complicated at least only have to transfer along the corridor (longest walk of my life though!) It does seem utterly draconian to outlaw home births, I know a couple of people who've had such quick labours that the docs actually told them to go for home births in future (envy envy) as there was no point even trying to get to hospital. I do however feel that there is too much emphasis on achieving the mothers ideal "birth experience" , I don't have the stats to know if this is putting babies at risk but I'm sure it contributes to the number of women who (like me) get sucked into it all and end up utterly traumatised when it all goes wrong. K

Certainly worth asking, it may also depend on the reason for the c-section last time and how likely it is to be needed again. St T's home from home is strictly low/no risk sadly but there may be something to be said for being at a different hospital, I can't go in the hospital I had my little one without getting panicked, but managed a wee trip to Kings for the first time without any concerns. K That said about St T's HFH I've just remembered that one of my friends had her baby on the medical unit but managed to blag herself a room on the HFH to recover in, ended up on the ward as she needed longer than 24 hours but I think there are a lot of things you're told No to that can become a yes if you nag enough!

New Mother - thank you! Perhaps I was too concerned about getting flamed on here, seems like as soon as you mention the H word on the internet people start getting shouty! Snowboarder - thanks for that - I had looked at their website previously and thought they looked really good but I was put off as one of the ladies says she practices homeopathy. As you say I'm sure they wouldn't insist I used it but it's more that I'm not sure I'd feel totally confident that other things they said/did were based on solid evidence if they had chosen to also practice something that isn't - if that makes sense? I know I'm probably writing off a lot of very good midwives here, but I couldn't stump up that kind of cash for someone I wasn't confident in. Glad to hear they were so good for you though. K

right nappy stuffed with cotton wool, poor girl's walking like John Wayne! madmum - does that really work then? I'd always assumed it was an urban myth! Thanks, again for the tips K

Now I hadn't thought of her - she was my NCT teacher! Her team have delivered 2 of my friends babies, but she was a bit funny with me when she heard I'd had a c-section so not sure I'd be comfortable with her unfortunately. Thanks though.

ah thanks Ko I'll try that, had thought about squeezing the nappy but don't think I'd get enough out and I guess the stuff that would come off the nappy might interfere with the multistick. Thanks! K

Bit scared of posting this... not trying to start an argument but here goes... Following on from the various threads about getting a better birth second time round I've had a little google for independent midwives. I assume the point of going for this option would be to have more choice and to find someone with a similar outlook to you who you can feel comfortable with. So I was a bit surprised that all the people I found said they were also homeopaths. Now I know a lot of people believe in homeopathy and I really don't want to open a can of worms here but I'm a scientist and I would feel much happier with medical care from someone who, like me, believes in an evidence based approach and doesn't see homeopathy as fitting into that. So - does anyone know any independent midwives who aren't also homeopaths? Or am I looking for a combination that doesn't exist? I'm not even pregnant but after last time I'd like to know my options before I even get started! Thank you and please be gentle... K ....runs off and hides under a lab coat...

Help! My little girl is poorly and the GP wants a urine sample, she's 20 months, I've not even thought about potty training her and she's and very mobile. Any ideas how on earth I do this short of stripping her naked and chasing her with a paper cup? K

What a lovely quote and it really makes sense. I've recently come across the idea of mind-minded parenting (ie treat your small children as people with thoughts of their own not just silly little creatures) and this fits very well with that.

ooh yes the music was rather lovely buggie! When we went there there was one cubicle with a bench in it and otherwise we were on the floor. I was going to add tho that baby swimming isn't for every little one, my little girl hated it, tried at Guys for 2 terms then at Beckenham but the lessons were just a bit much for her, didn't like being on her back or water in her face. She's ok now though if we just take her swimming and let her get into in her own time and most of the others seemed ok with it. I was rather gutted though as I'm a proper water baby (used to be a lifeguard) and had been really looking forward to it, the teachers also thought the little one was unhappy because I was scared of water and she was picking up on it! K

Ah it was a while ago when we were at guys it must have improved

If you have a car Beckenham Spa sports centre has lots of baby swimming lessons and nice changing rooms etc too. I Did classes at Guys Hospital before we moved here and it was a nightmare trying to change her on the floor! Beckenham much easier.

uch much sympathy from me, I had this with my daughter, I can just reiterate what others have said hot showers, massaging the area towards the nipple (although I know that really hurts!) and just feed and express as much as you possibly can. If you can stay off work do, I hope it passes quickly. uptime - I had flu like symptoms for about 2 days but then got a really obvious hot lump and pain in the breast, no vomiting though. If there is no pain in the breast I'd guess it's not mastitis but probably worth checking with a GP anyway. Hope your feeling better soon too!

Not sure if it's what you're looking for but we just came back from a holiday here: http://www.coombemill.com/ it's a bunch of cottages on a little farm, we stayed in a small one but I think there are bigger ones too. Our 19 month old LOVED it K

I was bridesmaid for a good friend when my daughter was 6 weeks old, she was overdue and it had been a very difficult birth ending in a section but it was at a hotel out of town and luckily my frock was ok for feeding in, I was utterly shattered but the little one was very happy in her sling and with all the excitement she slept really well that night so it wasn't too bad - how I looked in the pictures was another matter! *shudder* We had a family with a 4 week old at our wedding and they managed ok, if anything it's easier when they are really little but as other have said it's really hard to tell until you get to it and if I wasn't bridesmaid I'd probably have chickened out! K

Helena Handbasket - ooh that is interesting! I thought I just had a mad NCT teacher - I may quiz some medical student friends about that then! Yak I really like that analogy - I'm now imagining my friends who had "great birth experiences" somersaulting round their bumps into the pool, while me and the other CS ladies do massive belly flops - loosing our maternity tankinis as we hit the water! Now THAT should be in the Olympics! K

There is a fine line between honest information and scare stories and I'm glad to hear that the ED NCT classes are so good at this. I also think the point about peers is very true. Our Nct teacher was I think very old school nct and although interventions were covered it was always with a distinct sense of disapproval. She seemed to genuinely believe that healthy western women only had CSs if they did something wrong or were talked into it by ill intentioned doctors. What was really odd was at the post baby meet up, after I'd confessed to my CS she asked to see my hands and implied that she could tell from them that it had been unnecessary. Anyone who knows what that's about I'd love to hear it! Anyway the point being I agree that antenatal class need to cover interventions and I hope most ofthem do. I also think the birth industry as a whole needs looking at. I admit I was sucked in to thinking all the yoga, hypnobirthing, nct etc etc almost garunteed a big healthy lass like me some awesome life enhancing experience. Ultimately it should at least be made clear that whatever you do or buy you cam never take plain old luck out of the situation. K

From what was said it seems sensible that the lanes come out to you, but I totally agree with the BellendenBear about the different levels of service. When I was pregnant I lived in a different, mostly very deprived area, and only heard about case load midwives at my NCT class. The teacher urged us all to claim we wanted home births to help us move to caseload practices and told us by doing so we'd get much better care and could just pretend to have changed our minds and want to go to hospital at that last minute. I was horrified, having never been told about the options before, that this seemed to be a way for the few people in the area wealthy enough to afford NCT classes to snap up much better care than those whose circumstances probably meant they needed it more. With hindsight I wish I'd done it as the extra care would have been great but I just couldn't bring myself to at the time. That's not to criticise anyone who uses these services though. If I'm ever pregnant again I will be on the phone to all these practices as soon as I see that little pink line! I just think it seems wrong that there are great services on the NHS but you have to be in the know to access them. K

Ruth - your midwife sounds wonderful, that did make me chuckle! Fuschia - you are of course right that the wellbeing of mother and baby are one and the same, and in my more rational moments I was able to think as you did that the birth plan must go out the window for the sake of the baby. I think I managed this at the point I was put on the sintosinol (sp?) (though I'm a bit hazy as I'd had been in labour for quite a while at that point). It was more that by the time we got to the CS I'd tried and failed at everything and I honestly felt that the staff thought I was pathetic would rather they could just cut the baby out and leave me to die. Ridiculous I know and I was completely off my head at the time (gotta love the gas and air)! I can see how positive the blog post would be to someone who had said " yes I'll set aside my own wishes and have horrible things done to me because I love my child so much" and I have enormous respect for those who have done just that I'm afraid I just lay there shaking and terrified, not really very brave that. BUT pity party aside, Mum and Baby both got home alive and in another place or time I'd have had a long and agonising death, quite possibly taking my baby with me. So as others have said on here there is great consolation in that. There seems to be enormous pressure these days to have a great "Birth Experience" and I think I, like many others, got caught in the trap of expecting that and feeling guilty and cheated when it didn't happen, rather than just celebrating the fact that we all made it out alive! But perhaps that is a whole other thread! K

Otta - how utterly ignorant of those people!!! Or perhaps it was lazy of me to reluctantly agree to major surgery after 34 hours of labour. I shall give myself a stern talking to at once! I have to admit though I was a bit disappointed with the piece, having read the other comments I wanted to like it but as my CS was all due to problems with me I find it hard to feel empowered that I was doing it selflessly for my baby - she was calm as a cucumber throughout the whole process! But then I think us Mums will always find something to feel guilty about! I'm glad it was helpful for everyone else. K