WorkingMummy

I was really disappointed with the list. Was hoping to discover a few more surprises of unheralded female power. So, the Queen is a woman? I KNEW it! Since the whole course of HM's life was determined by the accident of her birth, and she was powerless to chose her own A-level subjects, let alone her own career or way of life, I find her a slightly depressing headliner for a list of powerful women. She's the ultimate emblem for knowing your place.

The indoctrination of children with religious ideas. Now that would be a ruck....

Ooo, recent controversial statements I have overheard, wanted to debate, but really couldn't (without interrupting a conversation between various different strangers) include: What's the point in having kids if you (ie, the mother) are going to work full time/return to work within 6 months, etc etc. Harrow (school) is worth every penny of advantage it is buying my son. It's like X (the nanny) is the mum and she (the working mother) is the husband. I would never let my child do that (re child acting out in store). The rich don't deserve child benefit. My daughter (3) didn't get into JAPS and I'm devastated. (On woman's hour) Working mothers neglect their husbands: the new Gina Ford type guide that directs women how to tend their partners after children come along. Hmmm, there are about a million more but not necessarily family related. Men get less support at work to father, than women get to mother. Don't know if any of that takes your fancy, Otta?

birnehelene Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Talking of coping strategies for parents reminds > me of this lovely book which focusses on helping > parents develop strategies to cope when things get > tough. > > The Joy of Parenting: An Acceptance and Commitment > Therapy Guide to Effective Parenting in the Early > Years (by Coyne and Murrell) I took a look at this online and it seems to be coming from roughly the same starting point as me and my husband, so I've ordered it. X

Zany, I'm sure what you did was very sensible and your neighbour should MHOB. I have had to simply shut my daughter away from rest of family before now. You only have two hands, and your first job is to keep everyone safe and well. No child ever died of screaming in the garden!

We have a built in chalk board on the inside of our kitchen door. It is genius. We use the panel above the door handle for shopping lists; kids draw on the panel below door handle height. We bought a very crazy house with a lot of strange features fitted by the previous occupant. This is perhaps the only feature I'll keep.

I think "coping strategies" as Zephy says are what you need, for yourself. As much if not more than strategies for what works for the child. Often nothing does. In one of my threads Saffron posted a really useful link which I'll try to find and repost here. It was about peaks of anger/sadness in a typical toddler temper tantrum, and how once the tantrum takes hold, you just have to get them past the peaks of rage as soon as possible. And the way to do that, the researchers found, was to do nothing. Not walk away and leave them, not reason with them, not hold them. All of those things are likely to aggravate it, once its out of control. But even doing nothing and staying calm is incredibly hard, especially if in a public place. Hence this congratulatory thread I guess. One of my strategies is to try never tell my children off in front of anyone else if I can possibly help it, especially not in a public place. Save it for when you are alone and talk it through then. The sense of criticism from other adults around, that others have written about above, is so strong, I don't trust myself to be fair and helpful to my child when a lot of what is going on is that I feel ashamed and embarrassed. So in public especially I try to just stop and wait until its over. Not easy though. I was in pizza express this weekend alone with my three and they were so good. Then towards the end the 4 and 2 year olds got a bit fidgety, that's all. No meltdowns. No naughtiness. But it is so stressful keeping them and the baby safe and well (on the bus there, crossing the road, with the hot food) I landed up being pretty cranky with them, just over that. HAD I had a tantrum to deal with too, goodness knows....

Depending how pricey you want to get, Konditor & Cook? I have always loved the look of their personalised birthday cakes but never priced one up.

If weather bad consider Brixton soft play at Brixton Recreation Centre. Difficult to describe how ace it is unless you've been there and actually been into the padded-framed, layered, little township, giant, 3-d-maze-meets-its-a-knock-out thingy that they have there. My three (4, 2, 6 months) love it. It is genius. And if kids are out-of-towners it's possible they won't have seen anything like it. PS: If your guests fancy the idea, phone in advance as they sometimes book it out for parties at weekends.

So "no one knows for sure" and "that's fantasy" don't sit very well, I'd say. And I think you need to be a bit more specific with your "fantasy" critique at least. Which bit is fantasy? The humanitarian history? The refugee position? The fact of a very strong and well trained standing army and compulsory national service for all men (which as I say, remains position today). And if we are talking about fantasists, Hitler was just about the biggest and most narcissistic one in history. Since when has anyone taken HIS failure openly to recognise the real reason he could NOT accomplish something as indicative of the "truth"? The Swiss are a people who prize peace over conquest but who are absolutely committed to being armed to protect themselves against the slightly more imperialist ambitions which have plagued Europe for centuries. And they take this stance a long way (to the point where, even today, every home by law has a nuclear bunker in case the rest of the continent totally loses its marbles and starts pressing buttons). All cause and effect theories in history are open to intepretation. But swiss history is very easily misinterpreted by other europeans and by Anglo-Saxons in particular. WW2 was not the beginning of successful armed nuetrality, nor the cause. But armed neutrality is so alien to the rest of (war mongering) Europe (and America) that its very easy to be suspicious of it, in a way that is grossly unfair and ultimately less than honest about our OWN reasons for going to war. And WW2 is where that misunderstandng really gets heated. Ww2 was the FIRST of countless age-long European conflicts that had a clear "good v evil" form. In every single conflict up until then, the Swiss' "armed pacifism" was THE only sane position in a hatefully, crazily war torn area. But just as, even against that moral context of good and evil, it would be "fantasy" (in your terms) to suggest that the reason the British declared war on Hitler was to try to prevent the holocaust, (we went with appeasement for quite a while and only abandoned that when our own national interests were sufficiently threatened) it is unjust to the point of slanderous to suggest that Swiss neutrality was caused by Nazi sympathies, or that Hitler's decision not to invade was the consequence of some kind of national bribe. It's a very Anglo-Saxon view point and it offends most Swiss. Which, if you want to do business with them, is probably a bad idea. WM Ps I could go into the highly evolved state of Swiss democracy, the absolute absence of a specific ruling or political class, the tiny size of its federal state, the way everything is decided by referendum and the way the vast majority of taxation is raised and spent at a very local level. Which helps explain both the history of neutrality (it had always been down to the populace to decide if they wanted to send their own sons off to die for the Holy Roman Emporer, or Napolean, or whoever the feck) and its organic "banking secrecy". But, maybe that'd be overkill.

Canela I'm going to go with that advice! WMx

Marmora Man Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > MrBen Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > woodrot Wrote: > > > -------------------------------------------------- > > > ----- > > > I have always found they react warmly to a > gift > > of > > > Nazi gold > > > > I might skip that one today Woody. But joking > > aside, what's the truth/history on that? > > I don't know the true history on that but > recently, travelling thru' Switzerland on the way > to the ski slopes I wondered why, of all middle > European nations, Switzerland was the only one not > to be invaded by Nazi Germany during WWII. It's > not a area that the many WWII histories that I've > read ever touch on. Because Switzerland had, before during and after both world wars, a position of "armed neutrality". But think very, very efficient, well organised, and ferocious ARMED neutrality. They had tanks lined up along all their boarders, they had (and still have) compulsory national service. They had reserves of basic supplies so they could outlast a seige. The mountains helped quite a lot! And they comprehensively rejected the faint suggestion from the tiny nazi party inside their boarders to merge with Germany. Do you not know about the reputation of the Swiss Guards? They used to be the personal body-guards of all the royal families of continental Europe (as privateers, Switzerland being neutral). They still protect the pope to this day. Switzerland has a very strong humanitarian history (The Red Cross, Jacob Kunzler, etc etc) and took a lot of refugees in during the war. The nazi gold issue is NOT a myth, and has been a painful controversy both inside and outside the country. But it is certainly not the case that hitler left the swiss alone because "they" took his loot. He didn't take them on because he probably would have failed, the population were not sympathetic and the country was of no strategic significance.

My husband is Swiss-German. Don't make the "cuckoo clocks are Swiss" mistake. It really bugs them. The Swiss are into making hand-crafted precision watches. They don't go in for (Austrian/Bavarian) novelty pop-out birdy clocks. Don't call them nazi gold lovers as suggested by someone above. That would be like calling an English person an imperialist oppressor and war-monger. Partly true on one level, but not fair to an individual and mostly just impolite. They are quite formal socially. They shake hands to greet and say goodbye. But they would also shake hands to congratulate or thank during a meeting. Wine ritual is a big thing. Over a meal, do not start your wine, even if your host has poured it for you, until your host (or someone else) has initiated the raising of glasses and the clinking all round. Clink with everyone, look them in the eye, and say, "zum voll" Other than that, they are as varied a bunch as any nation. PS. And of course, never, ever be late. Punctuality is second nature to a Swiss; if you are late they don't think you rude, they think you wierd, or maybe ill. And if you get invited to anyone's home, it's shoes off at the door.

Love my kenwood chef.

Moderate to severe migraines run in my family. Twice in last few days, my 2yo girl has complained that "the house is moving" or "the table is swimming". A bit later, she complains of a headache (quite unusual in toddler, no?) Then she kind of collapses asleep, but wakes up to vomit. Not huge amounts and not offensive, I've got a tummy bug puke. But small amounts of clear goo. She's been through this cycle twice now. She doesn't have a temperature. She hasn't fallen/banged her head. And no rash or anything else that's scary. I have to say this is just what happens to me with a mild migraine. The only thing that is stopping me thinking that is what it is, is that she's two. Do kids this young get them?

Well, I really know that sense of dread and I don't have a magic solution. Leaving my baby when I first went back, I suddenly understood how sheep must feel when separated from their lambs. But you do adjust. And what makes it easier is seeing for yourself as time goes by how nothing, and I mean nothing, not work for sure, is going to break your bond with your child. Nothing will ever threaten your special position as your child 's mummy. It will not feel like that at first, but it's true. One thing I have found really helpful is to discipline myself to take, not just a day at a time, but like, an hour or even less at a time. If I thought of everything I had to do in a day when I woke up, I'd be overwhelmed. So easier said than done, but I've got in the habit of getting up and thinking, "ok, get dressed. Don't think about anything else." Then, "now the kids, get them up and fed, that is all I am doing now until 7.45! Forget the rest." Then when I leave the house, i think, "now all i have to do is kiss them goidbye and walk out the door" Then, I just concentrate on my journey. At work, I decide the order in which I'm going to tackle my assignments, and I do it one st a time. And I don't worry about whether I am going to get them all done until the end of the day, and then I inform whomever needs to know if I'm behind with stuff. Then I leave work and stop thinking about it and I don't think about it until I next log back on. And if that means my work is less than perfect, fine. That's how it is. Also, you may be surprised how many unreconstructed alpha males will run a mile/bend over backwards to avoid being non-pc, provided you are clear about your limits and about any reasonable accommodation you need. If they are not, pm me and I'll send you the details of a great employment lawyer. But really, I doubt you'll need it. Just remember you are a hero, you are doing something they will never be called on to do. Do not be afraid to tell your employer what you need and why. Good luck! WM x

And that is totally sane. Your children will turn out every bit as healthy as the children of we food label scanners and probably with a slightly more relaxed mum. :-)

Midivydale going back is really, really scary and emotional. That is so normal. I work in the law. When I went back after no 1 this giant of a woman in my field (the kind of successful woman who men say is really a man), who had two kids about 20 years ago, came to see me in my office. She said, in her booming voice, "Yes, and do you feel like you are about to burst into tears the WHOLE time?" I nodded mutely. "Yes," she said, "Completely normal." Just about the most reassuring thing anyone has ever said to me. Yes bouncer I do just try to go with it. Not wallow in it. Just accept it, not fight it, not judge myself, just trust it will pass and take good care of myself until it does.

V helpful thank you all. Now you mention it, I have lost a bit of weight. Not noticed it before, but yes my jeans are slipping. And am knackered. And yes supply has always varied. Hubby has taken our 4 and 2 year old and I am tucked up on sofa with baby and left overs of breakfast pancakes.

Yes, I hear you. That is exactly what I used to think. Never allow it. It's just my children, particularly my first, have made me radically re-assess my power to allow and disallow. In another thread I began in search of a children's book to read with my four year old about her rage, (which thread ended very happily for me), more than one person recommended a book for adults called " how to talk so children listen and listen so children talk". I really, really do not dig this book, and find it irritating for lots of different reasons. But I can see from amazon's review list that I am in a small minority. But among the few people around the world who do not find the book very helpful is a lady called Ann. English is obviously not her first language, but I think her reviewing is nevertheless prize-winning quality. She writes: My son is 4year old and my daughter is 2yo. Since he was little baby, my son never say no, always listen and obey. Our sexond child is very diffrent, in fact i was expecting a girl to be easier to manage. People who knows me said i am very lucky mom to have a son like him, but then my girl is just completely oposite. That is why i bought this book, to understand more about how to speak and listen and understand the feeling of each kid. The result after i read this book, seems i am correct and perfect mother at all (i never thought ive done a right thing so far before i read this book), what i have done to my first and second child are exactly similar as the book suggested, but when i see my relationship with my girl, its hard... We are best friend, she loves me, she knows she must obey, but the point is SHE IS HARD TO HANDLE. So, i assume, DONT EXPECT YOUR CHILD TO CHANGE JUST BECAUSE YOU READ THIS BOOK AND PRACTICE IT AT HOME, EVERY ONE HAS CHARACTER, CHARACTER DONT CHANGE. my husband and i, now just accept it that we have challenging girl, and we will manage to continue doing the right thing and best, and hoping that she will turn a little nicer in the future. This book absolutely not for me, or you who has "character problem" either your character or the kids character. If your intention buying a book is because you have problem, than buying "character building" book is better than this book. But, book is always nice to read, good lesson though. :-)

I can't help smiling at your post Sbot. I am exactly the same. I also like to read ingredients lists and will not buy anything with dodgy sounding fats or sugars. I have a slight fixation about rapeseed oil (v high omega 3) which I now bake and fry with. Ocado sell breaded fish fillets which have rapeseed in the coating. We all have these every Monday night with home made oven chips and peas. I make my own chicken nuggets. :-)

Any other pumpers ever had sudden disappearance of milk? Baby is 7 months. EBF until 6 months. Me at work, expressing from very early on. We are weening him: and he's on two solid feeds a day - but has been stable like that for a couple of weeks. My supply had not changed at all until suddenly, two days ago, it dropped off a cliff. Baby co-sleeps at night, so has a lot of access to me then. I have been working exceptionally hard and am exhausted so..... Any ideas/tips?? WMx

I had no instruments but tore v badly and had a LOT of stitches after my first. And physically and emotionally it complicated everything in a way I could not appreciate then (cos no comparison). When I gave birth second time,with no injury, I could not believe how much easier it was. But back then, after no 1, I remember health visitor screening me for PND and me making up the right answers because I did not want people interfering. Why, I don't know, but I didn't. I remember the HV saying (whilst screening me) "motherhood should be a joy". And I felt so crappy and bad because right then it was no joy. I was overwhelmed: I was overwhelmed with with love - but definitely overwhelmed. Plus I could still hardly walk and was doubly incontinent. In the past four years I have gone through periods of what might be called depression. I've also had two more babies. But I have come to see these down/low energy times not as something medical or something wrong, just a natural, necessary tuning down of myself for a little while, being quiet, taking a break, having a rest. Plus, sorry if TMI, but after no 1 I could not do a number 2 for about a year without screaming. That s-u-c-k-ed!!!

Ditto we had this. No 1 started nursery at 2. She is very precocious and loved it for two weeks. Then as you say, novelty wore off and she realised this was a permanent arrangement. And we had the whole nine yards. She would ask me first thing "is it school today?" And if the answer was yes she would start crying and not stop. The nursery (v loving) told us that kids who start without a backward glance typically do crash a little further down the line. It took about a month to RE-settle her. Awful in the meantime. But she did come through it. Just a warning, my LO was was 4 before she could handle being dropped off by me without tears. After the initial difficult phase, Nanny and Daddy could drop off no problems. But there would always be tears when I did the nursery run. Now our second is there and it's the same. Everyone else, no tears. I drop off, she finds it hard. Hang in there, it will work out and lots of indulgence and understanding towards LOs clingy-ness in short term. WM Ps. I really doubt your nursery would fib about how your child is during day, but if worried about this, i would speak to them gently and say how important it is to you to know how she is for real in this tricky phase.

I'd say, if feeding one side three feeds in a row, unlikely to be getting too much fore. But agree, who knows?