mrsS

I'm so sorry, the last message was from me - I've got 2 usernames on this forum and mrsS is my sort of anonymous one!

Maybe it's best to stay with the weeknights as it seems to suit everyone best :) I assume that we will have more time for meetups during the day when the little ones are here! :)

Thank you all, I followed my midwife's advice yesterday and went to A&E in the evening. Met a psychiatrist who could not do much for me, she agreed that I probably need medication but would not prescribe any as I'd not be able to see her again (I guess she was a locum) and that would be bad practice. She also seemed quite unsure how to deal with medication in pregnancy so she did not fill me with confidence. She urged me to wait until I see someone from the perinatal team and they will be able to give better advice so I will have to wait for that. She also mentioned CBT but that would also take a long time, and I've had CBT before at the Maudsley and actually thought it made things worse... Anyway, thank you so much again for all your support, it has made these days a bit more bearable.

Mollie - yes, or I called them back and they have now referred me to perinatal psychiatry at King's. She said that it will be seen earliest late next week but suggested strongly that I go to A&E tonight or tomorrow and then I will be able to meet them sooner. The midwife also said that I can go back to medication and that the psychiatrists at King's will help me with that. Regarding medication, has anyone of you taken antidepressants in pregnancy? PM me if you want to stay anonymous of course! I am SO grateful for this forum and the support I get.

Thank you Mollie, I might try the helpline today and I will also look on the NCT website. Canela, I was very emotional in the first three months of pregnancy and then managed to calm down. I'm in the middle of the second trimester now, when things are supposed to be better? Of course I feel better physically but mentally it's absolutely awful. Everything feels black and meaningless. I've got my husband who is absolutely amazing and lots of friends so I am not alone, although I feel very alone with it all.

Thank you... I am willing to try most things - I just hope this depression is not going to get to that stage where I feel that I need medication to do all the other things that might help if you know what I mean? It's very hard to think positive thoughts sometimes as the depressive and negative ones take over with full force. But I am doing my best to fight this.

Thank you all for your support. I've been to my GP this morning who is referring me to the perinatal psychiatrist at Kings. She seemed quite reluctant to prescribe any medication which I guess is understandable but it still left me feeling a bit hopeless. I've called Brierley's, my midwife is on annual leave but someone else will call me back later today.

Yes thank you I do know that they specialise in mental health. I'm gonna call them tomorrow and see if there is anything that can be done, I feel that this is definitely more than 'mood swings' or feeling a bit 'blue'. Worried that it's going to get worse and that I'll need medication to get out of it.

Thank you Mollie, if I wasn't pregnant I'd start taking medication again but not sure what the best thing to do now.

Hi, I'm pregnant with my first child after a long time of trying. I'm very grateful and have been feeling quite alright throughout the pregnancy, and am now in week 23 and everything seems fine. But for some reason I am very depressed. I had quite a few dark thoughts in the first weeks of pregnancy but then managed to calm down. However, in the last week I've seen to have been dragged down in to depression. I've been through it before and have had periods of being on anti-depressive medication. I know that I'm quite sensitive to hormones and always struggle with quite severe PMT. I'm with the Brierley's midwifes which is great, and I should probably contact them and see if I can get some support. I'm doing as much as I can to fight this, I try to think positivt thoughts, which is bloody hard as the depression is taking over 99% of the time, I try to focus on the here and now and keep myself vaguely occupied. But I can't help feeling that everything is meaningless. Life is extremely painful and I don't know why, and I feel quite ashamed to say so - because I don't have a real reason. I know it will pass, it always does - but I guess I'd like someone to tell me that it will.

I completely agree with you amydown. There is not much job security in nannying, two of my employers moved abroad and all of a sudden I was without a job. Luckily I managed to find another one quickly but as a nanny you always have to be prepared for these things to happen. Also, regarding play dates. I have never heard of nannies leaving any children on their own so please don't generalise and assume that this is what nannies 'do'. I also agree that play dates is a very positive thing for children. I looked after a girl who wouldn't eat at all when I started, only nibble on things infront of the television. I introduced lunches and dinners with her friends during play dates so that she could learn that eating food could be a fun and a positive experience. And it worked!

I am not from Britain but have lived in this lovely country over 10 years. I'd say that Britain still has a class system, very much so! I am from Sweden and have been told that I'll never be able to understand the whole 'class' thing, but do find it interesting. Where I am from, I've never even thought much of people and what 'class' they belong to. Coming from a small town in Sweden, where no private schools exist, mixing with people from all backgrounds is what happens. I knew that some people had more money than others, and that some of my friends never went on holiday...but that was about it. We all just got along. I have friends from all backgrounds, some of them would be classed as coming from a working class background and some middle class, but I can't say I'd no the difference in how they behaved, spoke - or what prospects they had etc. Here in the UK things are a bit different. It's amazing how people judge one another from how they speak, what school they went to as kids, what they do in their free time etc. Intriguing, really.

As someone that used to work as a nanny but have not done so for several years I'd like to point out the following. Yes - it can seem very unfair that nannies earn more than for example midwifes, I agree - I earned more as a nanny then I do now doing the job I am qualified for with a masters degree (counselling). However, when I worked as a nanny I did work very long days without any breaks. Now I do 9-5 with a one hour (unpaid) lunch break. During my nannying-days I'd work from 8am -6.30 with no breaks. Most of these salaries in the article are based on a 40 hour week, so it's a bit unfair to compare them to a working week of a nanny as that would most of the time in my experience be more than 50 hours. Few more things. Looking after someone else's children is very different from looking after your own kids. I am not saying that it's easier or more difficult, but very, very different. I agree that quoting your salary in net is a bit weird, I don't know why this is the done thing and must be very confusing for everyone involved. Paying for Ofsted and First Aid courses - it's obviously up to everyone as an individual to decide what to do about this, but in my experience my employers needed me to be Ofsted registered so that they could use their Childcare Vouchers. In order to be registered with Ofsted I needed to do a First Aid Course. The benefits were very much on my employer's side, and I did all the relevant courses on weekends which they paid for which in my opinion was fair! Nannies might be seen to have an easy job. Doing the things that parents feel that they may be missing out on, taking kids to the park, attending classes, hanging out with 'friends' - or in my opinion, work colleagues! But remember it is a job for them, like any other job.

I picked quite a lot of blackberries on the cemetery (Nunhead) a couple of weeks ago and made jam of it! People are also picking around One Tree Hill.

That is very sad, I happened to walk past when the ambulance had arrived and have wondered since if he survived...

Well this is where, in my opinion, the UK is a bit old fashioned. As midivydale pointed out, it would be more beneficial for the country if more people could work rather then being forced to stay at home as they can't afford the child care. I am as well from Scandinavia where a fulltime place at nursery costs a maximum ?120 per month, that is if high-income bracket btw, so if you earn less you pay less in nursery fees. No mums, or dads, in Sweden have to miss out on career opportunities as a result of deciding to have kids. Seems a bit more fair. BUT, they do pay high taxes of course, but at least they get quite a lot back for it. Also, they get 18 months maternity/paternity leave at about 80% of your wages, and if the leave is split equally you get a ?1000 'equality bonus'. Crazy! No nannies or au pairs needed. :)

When I first came to England, 10 years ago, I worked as an Au Pair so I can share my thoughts on that.. Regarding employing an au pair, I think it is very important to remember that most Au pairs are very young and might be completely new to how things works in the UK and in such big city as London. It can sometimes be a huge culture shock, to arrive in a new country, trying to learn a new language, and at the same time be given the massive responsibility of looking after someones children, plus all the housework that so often is expected. For very little pay. I, generally speaking, believe that the whole 'Au pair concept' is being misused. If you need childcare, hire a nanny. Au Pairs should not really work more then 20-25 hours per week. I worked as an Au Pair in Croydon, was responsible for three kids, one dog, and all the house work in a huge four bedroom house. It was way too much, I was only 19 and should not have been given all that responsibility. I have also worked as a nanny which is very different to the whole au pair thing. First of all, nannies should always be properly employed with a contract. They are entitled to holiday pay and all the other things that any other employee would get. I think that is important to remember. Nannying is a job, and for many, a career path. So just treat them as you would like to be treated by any employer. Don't bend the rules, don't expect them to do lots of over-time, don't expect them to babysit several times a week, as that should really be their evening off. Seriously, nannies work long days as it is. And don't expect them to look after your friend's kids too.

Also there is an organisation called 'Irish pensioners' based in Bermondsey, could be worth contacting them as they do a lot of outreach work.

I have to agree with canadianlisa, not ALL cafes need to be child-friendly and I totally understand places like Le Chandelier and this cafe in Forest Hill for maybe not wanting it to be a child-friendly place, despite being in the middle of nappy valley. I sometimes go to Le Chandelier because it is the only place in ED where I know I will be able to drink my tea and eat my cake without the feeling of being in a creche.

What a great idea. I frequently run and walk in the area and would be happy to join in. Might not be able to do Saturday though but will follow this thread so if you do decide on anything in between you and if I am free I will be happy to come along. Maybe we could see if any cyclists would like to do it too, as they tend to get a bit further?

Marmora Man - a MBA, like a Master in Business Administration? Sorry, I am counfused. Pickle - I love drinking coffee. Can I make a career out of that? :) Oh, and exercising of course, and writing. Husband always tell me to become a writer. Which was my dream when I grew up. Swedish is my first language so if I would try to do something with my writing it would be in Swedish.

Thanks for your suggestions. I have thought of doing teaching training but someone said that I would burnout within a month.. And I wanted to apologise to you steveo for sounding so grumpy. Felt so miserable that I took everything the wrong way earlier on today!

Otta - probably not the right time, but if I don't do anything now I might just burnout so badly that I will have to take a very long time off. I am trying to prevent it from getting worse. Thanks for your help guys. And steveo, I am not sure if you were trying to be funny but I would not be posting here if I was not serious. Constantly listening to peoples problems and getting very little back is extremely exhausting.

Don't know if this is appropriate to post here but giving it a go.. I am thinking, or kind of knowing, that I need a career change and am looking for some help and advice, and inspiration. I have worked in a caring profession since I first started working at the age of 18. I currently work as counsellor, something that I thought I always wanted to do but finding it completely draining and think I am about to burnout. This is not the first time it happens, I resigned from my previous job because of that reason. It has now become quite clear to me and my husband that I seem to burnout extremely easily when I work with people who suffer mental health issues. It is a very tough job to do, to constantly be focused on other peoples problems. Not at all as rewarding as I thought it might be. So I am thinking about changing my career. But I have no idea to what, I don't know what I want to do, I don't know what I can do. I have worked closely with people all my working life and am so tired of it! I know it does sound a bit harsh but that is my honest truth. I feel like I have nothing more to give. So....I guess I am asking for some help. And inspiration! Has anyone of you got any idea of what I could do instead? What my counselling skills and psychology degrees could be good for?

Sounds fantastic. We have been talking about finding somewhere where my mother in law could live with us, or at least near us, so I would be very interested so hear more about your house...