Dopamine1979

Mustard Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > > Why not try knocking on immediate neighbours doors > and ask if they can hear your dogs when you aren't > there and study their faces very carefully to see > if they look ill at ease. > http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/239473/stare-down-o.gif GIFSoup

Alan Medic Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > We used to have marble and conker seasons when I > was growing up. Played touch rugby on the lawn > with the girls next door. I bet you did.

When you strolled to work in a short sleeved shirt in the sunshine and then it starts pissing it down with a thunderstorm in the afternoon.

Stronger - Kanye West

Help-Ma-Boab Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > If you roll a 12x12 carpet up, into a tube shape > say. Stand it on one end, would it not be taller > than 10ft though? That's a very good point.

Where is this Uphill Stream everyone is on about?

maxxi Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > david_carnell Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Will you be paying your staff the London Living > > Wage? > > No but they will be screening a grainy documentary > about their plight. :)

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2014/5/15/1400148656094/Stephen-Collins-wasp-002.jpg

Hard Knock Life - Jay-Z

That sounds very unpleasant RPC. Did she at least apologise?

Bitties in the B.K lounge - De La Soul

*Bob* Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > What if you photograph them but only show the > picture from the neck down? > > Like they do with obese people on the news? I always feel sorry for those people. Imagine seeing your own fat ass on the telly whilst you're trying to eat your dinner.

Beat up on yo pads - Snoop Dogg

Not in poor taste at all. Well timed parody of an amusing but silly thread.

Haus of woof?

I've now re-read that in Alan Partridge's voice and I think you're spot on El Pibe. 'I wouldn't want to mess around' :)

City of industry - Jehst

One of the tracks on Michael Jackson's new album is called 'Do you know where your children are'

KidKruger Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I once worked in an office sitting opposite a > Bangladeshi bloke who threatened to report me to > HR for persistently eating bacon sandwiches from > a greasy cafe around the corner for lunch, in his > view I was disrespecting his faith. Forget HR. He should have been reporting you to your GP. :)

Robert Poste's Child Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Once upon a time I worked with someone from > Singapore who when she was feeling poorly would > heat up fishy porridge im the microwave and eat it > at her desk. For breakfast. That was quite > challenging. http://www.thecoli.com/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/gag.gif

I am I be - De La Soul

That sounds like a bargain. I'll PM you my credit card details and PIN.

' Slap a fan's hand down and tell em 'No yelling' ' - MF DOOM

Rich_T_Bisquit Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I shouldn't be telling you this, but the world > needs to know the truth. If only so there is some > lasting testament to all those young, idealistic > men that have been lost to the cause. > > I'm all that remains of the fifty and I haven't > got much time left. The... change has started. If > that doesn't get me then it's just a matter of > time before my cover slips or the government > 'retire' me. So sit comfortably and listen well. > This post will probably be removed fairly quickly > but hopefully some will learn the truth before it > casually wiped out - like the rest of my unit. > > In late 2009 a clandestine group of government > officials met under the pretext of 'The Census > Corrective Thinktank'. > This group were formed by a group of like-minded > individuals within the government who had stronger > concerns than most about social ghetto-isation > within London. > > Early projects were innocent enough - such as > trying to curb the spread of single-speed bicycle > ownership in Hoxton; > One hundred practical bikes, some with up to 21 > gears, were introduced to the area over the course > of April and May 2010. By July 2010 the synopsis > made dark reading. Yeah, a few of them got ridden > on the odd occasion, but at the end > of that three month period 63 bikes had been > converted, 17 bikes had been removed from the > area,7 destroyed and the > remaining thirteen unaccounted for. > > The CCT just didn't learn. Operation Blerks would > suffer a similar fate in East Dulwich. > > I was one of the fifty single males selected for > operation Blerks. We were all top of the > single-man game. An entire > month of takeaway food wouldn't phase us, we > laughed at the idea of a seven hour playstation > session clothed only in > underpants and scatter-cushions were something > that would never find its way into our bedsits. I > myself was recruited because of my specialist food > skills: Being able to create a sandwich from > literally any foodstuff. I'm talking pie > sandwiches, last-nights-chinese sandwiches, the > works. > > We took our mission in good faith. Proud to be > working for the government we left the training > camp and were slowly > filtered into ED. Our cause, to re-balance the > dearth of unattached menfolk in the area. > > The first few weeks we lost over 20% of our > number. Mostly due to sloppy mistakes such as > forgetting to wear the standard issue white-gold > wedding band when buying meals-for-one in local > shops. Schoolboy error. > > Others were things we couldn't have been prepared > for. One of my cell members got lucky after work > one night. It had been six months of enforced > celibacy before that and he did what all single > men find it impossible not to do in that situation > - he spent the next day walking around like a man > carrying two invisible pots of paint and grinning > like a chimp. > No one who is married ever experiences that level > of smugness combined with relief and he was soon > spotted in Lordship Lane. Taken to the forced > marriage and breeding camps like so many others. > > Now it's August 2011. Again the synopsis makes > dark reading. Yeah, a few of them got ridden on > the odd occasion, but at the end of that period 33 > singletons had been converted, 7 removed from the > area, 4 destroyed and five unaccounted for. > > There's only me left. > > Last month my final contact went dark. I recently > saw someone who I thought was him walking on Goose > Green, wearing clothes designed for someone ten > years younger than him, sporting a goatee, trendy > specs and pushing a buggy. I never > thought the change would get him, but it always > does. It always does. > > I've also started noticing odd things happening > within myself recently. Sometimes I'll wake up > sweating, mumbling in a patronising voice, > "Oedipus,don't do that to mummy...". Other days > I'll wake up with a hangover and remember that at > some time in the night I bought a bottle of wine. > Twice its even been prosecco. Prosecco. I've found > myself jogging on occasion, chopping herbs from > time to time and even doing my laundry on a > regular basis. > > The final straw is posting on the East Dulwich > Forum. The place has got me; in two weeks I'll be > married to a hip-mum and have two children with > very individual names. > > Don't weep for me, I'm already lost... This is very old but one of the best posts ever.

Louisa for her dedication to winding up the East Dulwich Middle Class.