*Bob*

Conversation in clothes shop, South Carolina, USA. Assistant (on hearing our accents): "Hey.. where you from?" *Bob*: "We're from London" Assistant: "How far's that?" *Bob*: "Ooh.. took us about 14 hours" Assistant: "Drivin'?"

More thought-provoking imagery..

I'm sure that whoever is producing the current glut of these facile 'Imagine..' images (also available as a poster, if you're keen) considered the many thousands of crimes perpetrated in the name of religion throughout history before settling on those 'American' buildings which were brought down as a result of 'Islam'.

The very nub of this complex theme is dealt with in a certain song, a hard-hitting 1992 contemporary classic, currently reaching for glory - and the top of the hit parade.

mockney piers Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Quite simply the best news story ever I hear the SLP are flying a man out there immediately to cover the story.

Marv. Thanks.. and thanks to all. Let 'the ballet' commence!

*ballet update* I've decided to opt for Ms Muck's 'highlights' suggestion after all and see the Cuban mob at the Coliseum.. if we go 'Ballet Doolally' as a result we can keep it real and see a full-lengther another time. Acosta's dates have all sold-out for this though (the good seats, anyway) but seats on other days are in plentiful supply. So a question regarding seating, if I may: Are the stalls unquestionably the best seats for ballet, on account of being able to see legs flying about and that, or does going one tier up in the dress circle also have its advantages?

The idea of a 'highlights' production is appealing (for obvious reasons) but my concern would be that we wouldn't be getting a full ballet experience (in terms of production, staging, set, etc etc).. Is the ballet so incomprehensible that we ought best to 'start small' so as not to be put-off? I occasionally watch BBC4, if this helps.

Keef Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Went to ballet at Sydney Opera House, and can > confirm it's shite. Give me opera any day! Did TheWifeThewife like it though? I suppose in theory I could send her on her own, but I'm not sure that would be in the spirit of things.

Ah.. no, I'm looking at ROH, not Coliseum. Is one a better bet than the other?

Acosta is sold out. The Romeos and associated Juliets on offer are: Mara Galeazzi / Federico Bonelli Leanne Benjamin / Edward Watson Marianela Nu?ez / Thiago Soares

woofmarkthedog Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Can I come, I too wish to be "broken in" as it > were. This option might not be quite so romantic.

Vertigious.. great word. Might avoid cheap seats in general from now on.. I don't want to pay ?55 for a ticket and still listen to people uncrinkling boiled sweet wrappers for two hours, which is what happen the last time we went to the theatre. Though I expect 'the ballet crowd' ought to be more respectful. Mainstream (in the 'understandable' sense) is good.. just not mediocre mainstream. Like the idea of R&J. Sounds romantic (extra brownie points). Will look into this Carlos fella. Cheers. PS: 'Condescending' is a bit over-used of late. Could I be a 'smug prick' instead? Just for a change.

I can't help the feeling that the person who declares his intention that a burglar 'get everything that's coming to him' might also the same person who wants me 'to get everything that's coming to me' if I accidentally spill his pint down the pub. That's usually the way these things work.

.. and 'Fishing', no doubt.

Quite possibly, but I will at least go to 'The Ballet' first before doing so. Indeed, I promise to provide a full and frank review of 'The Ballet' upon my return.

I was thinking of slipping a couple of ballet tickets into TheOtherArf's Jesus sock this year, as she has often expressed and interest in going. We are both ballet virgins and therefore know nothing of the mysterious world of flouncing about in tights. Can anyone recommend a particular one..? And/or a particular company? I'd like to avoid anything shamelessly mainstream (eg the endless Christmas cash-in performances of The Nutcracker performed by various ballet no-marks) or anything obscurely modern (ten bearded men in black leotards doing The Rite Of Spring, music performed exclusively on vintage synthesizers). Something with good tunes, fancy costumes, wigs etc etc. Doesn't have to be around in the very near future either. We can wait if there's something real sweet worth waiting for. 'Friends of The Ballet'.. I THANK YOU

I sincerely hope a trio of knife-wielding men never try to get into my home. Should a trio of knife-wielding men try to get into my home, I've no idea what I might do. However, being a reasonable person with no history of engagement in violent incidents to my name (not since I tried to hit my brother back in '87 anyway), I would like to think that my actions - whether cowering in the corner and simply phoning the police, or heroically disarming one of the assailants and despatching all three in a nailbiting match to the death - would be considered reasonable, on account of circumstance - and because I'm a reasonable person. This is slightly, but significantly different position to predetermining what you'll do to someone before it's even happened, not to mention moaning about how you might get prosecuted for it and it aint fair. Scary.

Well you did say 'why not be a bit annoying this Christmas?'. *waves*

Brendan and I were 'as one' on wedding lists. It seems so long ago now.. sniff..

I try, Sean. I try. Indeed, Titch. Cowell's only worth a piffling ?125m or so. Not quite ready to buy his way into Sony just yet. In any case, record sales aren't worth much to Simes anyway. His money comes from TV. So, if (like half the people busily downloading RATM) you've spent the last three months watching X-Factor, it's akin to handing the man a ?20 note and then asking for a penny back.

Especially the cover. It's a hoot.

He surely will now. it's a gift. I suppose it is quite funny when you think about it. Nearly a million people sign-up to a Facebook group in order to be told to go out and buy a record - the punchline of which is 'not doing what you're told' with the aim of bringing about a return to the glory days of previous Christmas number one chart-toppers.. like Benny Hill, Mr Blobby, Bob The Builder and St Winifred's School Choir.

If it had been a gabba-style extended remix of the 'Sheila's Wheels' jingle, it might have been funny.

Cowell will doubtless be shivering in his Christmas stockings once wind of this devious campaign to deprive dear Joe of his rightful spot at the top gets out.. as his PR machine revs-up predetermined X-Factor sales way above the expected. Maybe he started the Facebook campaign? Interestingly, Sony also owns Cowell's company Syco. Merry Christmas Sony!