*Bob*

I'm going to predict that he'll get off. You heard it here first, newshounds.

That's your take, Jah - and you're entitled to your opnion. Personally, I think it was Professor Plum, in the library, with the candlestick.

Double amputee Olympic gold medallist hero shoots pin-up reality tv star girlfriend dead. On valentine's day. No.. I just can't see the press interest on this one.

I don't really get that annoyed by the God-Botherers particularly. Rather them (people who, whilst deluded, genuinely believe they're coming to do you a favour) than some dick in tabard from Npower lying through their teeth to get you sign-up to the all-new Dual Power Standard Custom Doublegood Green Energy Wankoff Tariff.

It's Saturday morning. The front door goes. Two figures behind the stained glass. One adult, one child, both black. = go back to bed.

It's like cracking one off with the 'other' arm, Alan. Doesn't feel right at first. Practice makes perfect though.

(The answer is: 'it isn't')

Novelty construction method aside, the building doesn't look like it was ever massively interesting too look at in the first place. Indeed, it's ruined state probably gave it more personality than it ever had. Agree it's a bizarre usage. Either it's important enough to get restored so that Heritage Porn vistors can flock to marvel at the results or it isn't.

i fink ee dunnit

One of my housemates had a pet rat at University (her, not the rat). She used to take it to lectures - in her bra - and do the occasional shop. Occasionally the tail would pop-out, causing much ado at the Morrisons checkout. Actually, I think the rat went to the Polytechnic.

There are a few really lovely loft extensions which have gone-up of late - sympathetically styled in the manner of oversized temporary worksite portacabins. So my vote goes to them - well done.

She's near-impossible to like, but she's done rather well for herself and her pet husband, hasn't she?

I can only hope that The Sacred Tree was not harmed during outbreak of frivolity.

There was a girl on the train last week who spent twelve stops on the Circle line holding up a mirror whilst making infinitesimally small adjustments to approximately six strands of her hair. IT MADE ME SO ANGRY

But.. the songbirds eat all the worms. And who would want to live in a world without worms? Not me. They're my favourite of all our woodland mammals.

I eat hot cross buns the other 364 days of the year (in celebration of ancient pagan rituals) - but refuse to conform on the day itself.

"I'm going to work - love you!" "I'm going to the launderette - love you!" "I'm going for a piss - love you!" Yep, you gotta tell 'em every day - if you want to keep things non-routine and extra-special.

Tom Micklewright Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Click here to confirm you are coming!!! > http://www.facebook.com/#!/events/529196320458282/ Invited: 52 Going: 1 - Thomas Micklewright Sounds great. What time does the party start?

Here you go http://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/forum/read.php?20,621148,621238#msg-621238

Jacking-up.. That sounds fair enough. The big question is: were they brushing their hair?

Lordy.. You're not going to have another 'bleak' moment, are you?

I try not to go on public transport too much. It's full of people who secretly hate their own lives - and manifest their secret hatred by getting disproportionately annoyed by the relatively inconsequential actions of others.

Don't forget breathing. And moving. And sitting, of course. That's annoying too. Seriously, there are worse things that happen on public transport than someone putting lippy on or whatever. Is it really necessary to be so massively uptight about, well, EVERYTHING?

The family of foxes living near us are making our lives absolute hell. At first it was just the usual sort of stuff - fried chicken bones strewn about and the occasional chewed Croc, but over the years they have become far more bold. They are messy and noisy; they have parties and play their music with no consideration for others into the small hours - and to cap it all off they are now in dispute with us over the fence boundary. I HAVE WRITTEN TO CLLR JAMES BARBER BUT HE HAS DONE NOTHING

This is the 'here are some women you may have heard of, off the telly or the news or something' list, isn't it? Not really doing womankind any favours with some of those entries. I doubt if Michael McIntyre features on the mens equivalent list.