Belle

helena handbasket Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Couldn't agree more. > > Want to add: Belle my son is the same as yours I > think but a couple of years ahead. At four he is > so different from that difficult time. He is > mellow and reasonable and gentle, who would have > guessed? He's still the boy who can't be left > alone for long as his curiosity leads him to crazy > ideas, mostly involving sinks (ugh always a mess). > Considering two years ago I was the mum who cried > all the way home from our hellish toddler > activities (one can only take so many glares in > one day) :-$ we have come a long way..... hang in > there it gets easier! Ah, thanks HH - that's good to hear. I have been there with the crying on the way home - did that after a particularly disastrous playdate in North London recently, then sat down at home with my husband, talked it through and realised he really hadn't been that 'bad', and that a lot of it was my/others' expectations. Def relate to the not leaving alone for long thing too (not that could really do that at his age, but in the sense that if he runs off I need to be pretty nearby - has no invisible boundary line like some kids).

I have always found the antibiotics kick in pretty quickly for this, and it passes in 2-3 days. I've found nurofen works best, or alternating the 2 if temp/pain really bad. It's obviously really painful for them, so whatever works (sounds like feeding in your case - we used a dummy lots during these episodes).

To be clear, I'm not saying that short time out on a step/another room (or the garden method Pickle describes) is the same as locking children out for extended periods and ignoring their pleas. I do a couple of mins in another room or in his cot (with me outside the open door) as a cooling off thing, but obviously that's if he's being stroppy/tantrummy - wouldn't do it if he was upset, or just noisy. My point was that sometimes things get lost in translation, and whilst something cruel could be happening, it could also be that a (admittedly particularly harsh) form of time out is what is taking place. It's hard for any of us to say as we're not first hand observers. NSPCC sounds like a sensible idea as they'll be so experienced in this kind of situation. Edited to add there was an interesting article a couple of years ago on this topic in the Guardian Family section. A couple doing sleep training with their 2 year old were reported to the police by their neighbours. In the end, backed by their son's nursery and sleep trainer, they were exonerated, but obviously it was an upsetting time. however, I remember being struck by the fact that desepite the upset it caused, the writer said she understood why her neighbours had done what they did, and that she felt as a general principle it was better to be safe than sorry. Quite noble of her, as I'm sure it must be incredibly upsetting to be falsely accused. I hope I'd be as understanding, but I agree with her in principle.

Oh come on Zeban, we don't know all the facts here. I don't think it's anything to do with the couple being described as 'middle class', I think it's more that quite a few of us on here are parents who use 'time out' as a reasonable disclipinary measure. Of course what's happening here may be far removed from that - but we don't know either way. there's a danger (no disrespect to the OP here) in things getting distorted when they are 2nd or 3rd hand in the telling. For instance, my son at the moment has a favourite game of pretending he is 'stuck' somewhere, and I can envisage this happening in the garden and him screaming 'help, help' which is part of the game. This could easily be misinterpreted. This is an extremely sensitive and difficult issue, I think is all people are saying - nobody is saying let's ignore it, more, proceed with caution. I think absolutely mention it - poss under the guise as a noise complaint - and their reaction might be quite telling, and shd inform the next step.

cuppa tea Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Belle Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > The trouble is open spaces present > > another set of problems - constant escaping in > our > > case! > > You could choose places that are 'open' but also > contained, to make life a bit easier.EG. the > 'dog-free zone' in Peckham Rye used to be vital > for me, Goose Green playground, Wildlife Garden, > Horniman sandpit is fairly enclosed and to some > extent One O'Clock clubs - though I still used to > find these clubs could be stressful at times. Which is the dog free bit in PR? we go to the playground but there is an escape route down to a little stream... Like GG but have to watch him on the 'big' stuff as he gets v high. Agree horniman good for this, and must try wildlife garden again. It does get tiring constantly arbitrating, then apologising or asking son to apologise. I know they'll get there eventually - and sometimes I think we expect a bit much from them at this age.

Agree with all the above. As you know I have similar stressy times with my one, though with him it's less grabbing the actual child and more seizing toys /refusing to share, generally being diva-ish (just as trying!). And he's a bit older too, so I keep thinking the reasoning will work eventually. But in the meantime, I've come to the various conclusions above - open spaces often easier as no trophies to fight over (although the cry 'MY slide' still rings in my ears from recent visits to Goose Green), avoiding groups/parents you don't know so well who may not understand - I've found that in those situations my stress levels go up which I'm sure exacerbates the situation as son picks up on that. And I think coming on here and seeing it's not uncommon - and does not mean you have a problem child (as I've thought when we've hit particular lows) - is v helpful. The trouble is open spaces present another set of problems - constant escaping in our case!

Oooh yes, David Sedaris is hilarious.

American Wife is one of my favourite books, think it is beautifully written and absorbing. I've been getting into Scandi crime lit recently - just read a good one called 'Hypothermia' by Arnaldur Indridson. Think 'the hand that first held mine' is Maggie O F's best novel yet, absolutely wept reading that one on holiday last year. Also read Sarah Waters 'The little stranger' - bit of a thriller/ghost story - recently, pretty good. Not as good as the one she wrote before that, 'the nightwatch'. Think all of these wd be good holiday reading.

Brock park water play is good and has sand too - some shade from trees round edges and all enclosed.

Yak - def! we did a bit of spoon fed rusks in milk, and yoghurt, but also did things like mini oatibix in milk so my son could pick them up with his hands if he wanted to. I think a lot of people end up doing a mixture of both - I was never v purist about it and it worked out fine.

Will pm you

I think the main humour we shared in the early days was a dry sort, you know when everything feels like it's going wrong and you're in a sinking ship together? But as above, it does get funnier, and at 2.5 we get a lot of laughs provided for us (unintentionally) by my son. I can't now go in and check on him at night without cracking up, remembering how a few weeks ago we crept in and were looking down on him tenderly - then he basically twitched his legs in his sleep and farted up into our faces. I had to race from the room in hysterics and will always find that nightly visit funny now.

Hi - I tried cranial osteopathy for my son's wind/reflux/general fretfulness. the lady I saw was very honest and said she could probably help with the first and third of those, but less likely with reflux. however what I did find was that it really chilled out my son, (and me!), so I felt it was worth it regardless. To be honest, it's so stressful when little one has bad reflux, that just spending time with someone who is really sensitive with the baby, and you, is quite helpful and relaxing.

Oh yes was going to suggest thomas land - we know someone who just took their 2.5 yr old and he loved it (nr Birmingham I think?)

think is foods standards agency? am sure am either the pragmatists one or headline issues. But then isn't there a type who weighs it up, acknowledges what is probably best, but opts on balance to stick with a different path for their own reasons? Don't think that's quite the same as the 'avoiders' type.

yup, that's the one I mean - good farmshop! and properly nice food in the restaurant - so unexpected in a service station!

Hi Katsuqueen! hope you and little one are well. We did this drive in May - similar length though to the SE rather than SW of Scotland. We actually bit the bullet in the end and did both ways in a oner. I felt that way it was just one day out of the week, but it was different for us as we were going to see my mum so basically didn't want to delay on way there. Places you could think about stopping for both short/overnight stays: Yorkshire, the Lakes? Which way are you coming back? (We went via the m6 both ways). Things we found helpful (might still apply even if doing in two legs): portable DVD player and special holder, so it was strapped between our two headrests. Was at the peak of my son's Toy Story obsession and he basically watched it on loop. It worked. It meant with that plus a nap, apart from one tantrum he was basically happy. And that was 10 hrs (we hit several bad traffic problems)! he's a hyper little boy so we thought one meltdown was not a bad result. mini breadsticks and berries (for handing back to him at judiciously timed moments). Two proper stops so he could go a bit mental in a service station/have something to eat etc. Tebay services in Westmorland are absolutely brilliant (both sides of M6) - think the S bound one even has a kids play area, though we were only there for lunch so didn't stop to investigate. We also used music (nursery rhyme CDs etc) when we wanted to encourage a nap/chilling out between Toy Story marathons. What I did find surprising was that when,d ue to traffic, we ended up travelling through his bedtime and on until 11pm on the way up, he didn't go to sleep at all - was wide awake when we arrived at my mum's. Was fine just v wide eyed . Wonder if that was because we hadn't bothered stopping to change him into PJs etc. anyway good luck - we have the WoRST traveller in the world and totally survived, so take heart! The nice thing is not having to deal with the looks (real or imagined) of other travellers if they do have a meltdown, unlike the train/plane.

Actually I should have said, I am lucky that there are two of us to do the various things, I know from friends how hard it is to do it all on your own.

We work out pretty much 50/50, not that we calculated it to be thus. We did initially have me doing all nights and early starts when husband went back to work, but at six months or so he spontaneously* offered to rectify this, with the result that as with snowboarder's hubbie, he gets up with son on weekdays and does breakfast, then gives me a shout so I can get my shower etc in. He does 80% of the cooking as he enjoys it, so in return I do iron his shirts as I don't mind ironing whilst he loathes it (and that's the only ironing that ever gets done here!). I'm pretty sure other stuff is half and half. He does a lot of the house admin, I do most child-related admin and laundry, and shopping. We take it in turns for a proper lie in at weekends. with new baby I do plan to get more help with weeknight feeds, though in fairness he always did the 11pm one. I was just about to say I feel lucky - but isn't this quite right and how it should be? I have always felt very simply that we both work, as it happens I don't get paid for mine, but there are two parents and thus if we were to have it so I did all the parenting and house-associated chores, and he did his job, that would not be a 50/50 split. However I recognise we are very lucky in that his working hours are not prohibitive, whereas I can see that's often the case with one or both parents. *he did afterwards note a positive ch ange in my mood, so maybe he did this for self-preservation...

Agree astley clarke lovely, also second the nina christie thing - I got some lovely earrings there for myself which wd be in budget, and also pendants for my sisters in law (she does birthstones - you could get her something with her birthstone?) - for under your budget too. You could ask her if there's something she'd like - a show she'd like to see for e.g.?

The theory they put forward is that it makes the child feel secure. But knowing my son, it was less about security and more about keeping him tethered! thing is it's a secure environment - can't see why they couldn't just let him run amok a bit, but given the sitting at table thing, I decided after it wasn't really the right place for him. But as I say, perhaps not the case for others - in fairness the ladies did seem nice.

I used the creche a couple of times a while back for my 2yr old - I would think it's fine most of the time, esp for smaller babies (and btw am not a member Fuschia but was able to use it) - but have to say I was a bit taken aback the second time. When I collected my son he'd been strapped into his buggy. Apparently this was for 'reassurance' as he'd been upset. I think it was unlikely he was upset about being away from me (but if he was, I thought they should have come to get me), more likely he had a strop about some toy. He was, amazingly, quite happy in his buggy when I collected him (but tear stained) but it freaked me out a bit seeing him strapped in like that and attempting to play at a table. I noticed a couple of other tearful toddlers were being dealt with in the same way, and it didn't sit right with me somehow. I also overheard them trying to make him sit at a table and play when I left him - seemed a bit strict. But everyone else seems to have good experiences, so I accept this may not be representative.

Quest slightly lighter and suitable from 3/6 mths and up (doesn't completely recline). Techno suitable from birth, slightly bigger and heavier, lies flat. If only for holidays I'd say get a quest.

But first mate, what would we SAHMs do with the children/babies we stay at home to look after whilst we're shepherding kids across the road?! Will sign this Dulwichmum, thanks for raising this as hadn't been aware of it.

Son still confuses red and green (or at least thinks green is red, gets red right though) fairly often but am not too worried, gets it right sometimes too. Did occur to me today at a pelican crossing it could be confusing for colour blind children!