Belle

Hi - my son has had this op twice, at 15 mths and then at almost 2, and it was absolutely fine both times. The anaesthetist and surgeon are bound to put you (and your daughter) at your ease, and there really is no pain. After care v simple - just some ear drops and precautionary antibiotics - my son was sleepy after the GA both times but other than that no ill effects. And they made such a difference. We've been unlucky in one respect - his have fallen out now twice, but as he's now a bit older we're taking a 'wait and see' approach to see whether we need replacements again. It's a v simple op and I spoke to a friend who's an ENT surgeon beforehand who reassured me that it's v routine and straightforward. The hardest bit as a parent is of course seeing your child being put under but again I found the team v reassuring on this count (used to dealing with anxious parents) and it was fine, all handled v smoothly. Good luck!

I probably said this same time last year, but in Scotland we had (still have?) a tradition of 'guising' instead of Trick or Treating. This involved dressing up and each kid performing a 'turn' - rhyme/song/telling a joke - and we'd collect treats in 'reward'. If nobody answered there was no 'trick' played, we just moved onto the next house. We did it for years and always made a massive effort with costumes etc. And yep definitely only called on houses of people we knew, and were chaperoned by adults/teenagers. But I've no idea if that still happens in my home town - must ask my mum! In all the years I've lived in London I don't think I've ever had trick or treaters at my door. I did once have kids asking for a penny for the guy several months before bonfire night though...

thing is with newborns there's little difference between night and day, and obviously you just sleep when they let you. Quite often (in my experience anyway) that's in the day, which is far noisier on the ward - it's not like nightime is necessarily natural sleeping time for them. my first wanted to be held all night long so I was up anyway! He was prob starving, poor wee thing, as we had feeding issues, and def made a lot more noise than my husband did the other night (in fact he slept all night in the chair whilst I was wired on adrenalin and just cuddling and feeding baby the whole time). it's obviously a personal thing but I think on balance women feeling supported is prob more important than the other factors, and as I said before I'm guessing it takes the strain off some of the staff. katsuqueen - not sure if you'll remember but I did get offered a private room for our final two nights. This was because I was trying to discharge myself after 6 nights with no sleep. they recognised I needed my husband with me to help in the nights, and I was ill with post natal pre eclampsia so they gave us the room to allow him to stay. So I think in certain circumstances there's def a case to be made. I have heard though of people paying for a private room - might be worth ringing kings?

We had our curtains closed as did most of the others so privacy not an issue - and during the day the other patients' guests were plentiful and loud so didn't feel too bad about my quiet husband :) I think had I been in more than one night perhaps I'd have sent him home, esp given I had my 2.8 yr old to think about but I am so glad that night was possible - wish it had been last time. Also think smart financial move as husbands prob end up doing things you'd have to ask healthcare assts or midwives for otherwise - shower, breakfast , clean bed linen, also chasing up on medical care.

Hi - my husband was allowed to stay when I had my son nearly 2 wks ago - my midwives (brierley) had already assuredme of this so didn't even ask permissiOn. He did haveto sleep on the chair but I felt so much better having him there and as I was quite shaky at first it meant he cd eg do first few nappy changes, fetch my breakfast - even helped with my first shower! I did see the sign about it being a pilot from earlier in the year but we weren't questionedby anyone.

I have to say I'd be very drawn to this - something about the fact it's devised by two mums would make me think you'd know what kind of meals etc would go down well, and would be nice & understanding to deal with. If you're having a tough post partum period, even simple transactions can be overwhelming so think this would make a difference. I've looked at the Cook website and am a bit overwhelmed by the choice - so I like your idea of e.g. the 'nursing mums' option.

Far too many to mention. I had parents who were both eccentric and quite financially stretched, leading to many interesting lifestyle choices. Re bumpkin's post above tho, that reminded me that when I was having tantrums as a kid (hmm now see where my son gets it from!) my parents would say 'stop it, or you'll burst a blood vessel!' .which obviously scared the s**t out of me, even though I didn't really know what it meant. I was dressed largely in hand me downs for most of my childhood and have some painful but funny memories as a result. Also have just remembered that on summer holidays on the NE Scottish coast, my dad would model his home made batik swimming trunks. :-$ Toooo embarrassing. Me and my brother would hide behind a rock reading Look-In whilst my parents set up a full blown campfire on the beach and cooked all our meals and endless pots of tea on it with billy cans. Everyone else was kitted out with standard british beach fare - windbreakers, ice creams, beach towels - we had a tent my dad had sewn himself for his mountaineering expeditions, and the billycans.

Def think there is something to be said for living in the moment - my mum always says 'don't wish your life away', good advice. I tend to be always thinking 'this will be easier when he can do x or is y age' but of course there are so many positives to whatever the current age is, that it's important to celebrate them at the time. But anna, having just had my second baby and seeing my first transform from 'my baby' to a suddenly grown up and seemingly massive 2.8yr old in comparison, I do totally understand the emotion at realising the time is passing so quickly!

particularly as it looks like it's quite rubbish! do sometimes think that we forumites should get together and design a pram. I'm sure manufacturers consult etc, but there so often seem to be such obvious flaws in designs.

for my son we have quite a lot of jeans from George at Asda, have adjustable waists (but don't bunch up madly) - he has a v slim waist.

is she into plasters? Just that I know my son will do anything for a dora (or just plain!) plaster at the moment, so you could say she'll get one after and produce it once the jab is done?

Re settling in, I would def say to give it time (but obv every child is different etc). My son started 2 mornings a week at a local nursery after turning 2, initially loved it, then after a couple of weeks he went through a phase of being v upset at drop off, and I did find this hard. But I was reassured (and cd tell by lingering outside the door after I left!) that he was fine within a minute of me going, and he was always happy when I went to collect him - his usual self. So we persevered and within a few short weeks he was absolutely fine. Obviously you have to go with instinct, and mine was telling me this was just a phase and that overall he was getting a lot out of it, so I am glad I stuck to it - if I'd thought there was more to it I'd have reconsidered. Some kids don't go through this phase of course but some do, so don't worry if it does happen. Sounds like the MM staff are great and will help you through settling in anyway.

It's not about losing a parent, but I found it helpful when my dad died: A Grief Observed, C S Lewis's memoir about losing his wife. As he's such a good writer I remember he just hit the nail on the head very succinctly several times, including the observation that he'd never realised grief is so much like waiting. That's assuming the friend is adult (or over about 15/16) -it's not a children's book.

Also if you want to get them something special clothing wise - Pickle who posted above won't mind me saying I hope that she does lovely handknitted things - we've just bought some for our second baby due in a couple of weeks - and I have bought a cardie from her in the past for a friend's baby. There's just something special about giving a handmade present, and her things are lovely. :) Re swaddling - I think there are different opinions, yes, but wd say we were given a miracle blanket (have now lost track of where it went afterwards) and it was useful in the early weeks. Th ink swaddling still pretty widely practised and ok as long as not too tight. Also we had a lovely handknitted blanket which we used tonnes until I washed it too hot and it 'felted'...

We were sent a delivery delicious muffins and cakes (think there is a healthier option that includes fruit too) from the Beverly Hills Bakery and they were lifesavers! You can get them sent in a tin if outside London (or want to keep them fresh). We've now sent quite a few to first time parents since and they always go down well. Depends if you're looking to get them more of a lasting present though. But personally it's something that stands out as being so welcome in those early days.

just checked, and think you can get train there from peckham rye - if I'd realised that before I'd have gone back sooner, agree with PIckle that it is fab.

I'm reading 'The complete secrets of happy children' by steve and sharron biddulph, after it was recommended on here. It's v good and common sense really, more thought provoking than prescriptive, and I find it non-judgemental in style. Whilst there are bits where I've thought 'oh no, I'm guilty of that', there are also bits where I've been reassured there are 'good' things I'm already doing.

I don't dislike all that he says Otta - have read and found interesting the book in question (How not to f*** them up) - don't agree with everything he says but do think that it's easy to paint him in one way, when in fact there is more scope for grey areas in his book than perhaps people allow. I found it did make me reflect a bit on my parenting style (but not necessarily feel guilty about it). For e.g. he says staying at home looking after children is not necessarily the right route for every mother or indeed parent (and in hindsight I've often wondered if I did the right thing by staying at home). I think he is v much a media shrink though, and as such he is bound to come out with inflammatory soundbites on TV and in national newspapers, whereas the actual detail in his book (have only read the one so cannot comment on the others) is more subtle.

having exactly the same with my son, and have been for some time - so just to say know how it feels really! No real brainwaves as to how to deal with it though - have found informal plans work best e.g. casual arrangements to meet in park/playground, as then if he's really kicking off or the kids generally aren't getting on, a quick getaway isn't too big a deal. Plus avoids the toys issue. (not sure if this is an issue for you - is a massive one for us - absolutely sick to death of saying 'share!'). Change of scene helps - we sometimes get the bus over to Ruskin Park to go to the playground there, both with and without friendss. My son also talks about his friends all the time and is really disappointed if we go out and don't meet one of them. I have found having a massive pep talk beforehand (along the lines of, we're going to play with X so will you be kind, and play nicely etc etc), and heaping loads of praise for good behaviour after the fact, help a bit. It can feel quite isolating but then someone like you posts this and it reminds me a lot of kids go through it - which is what nursery tell me too. They are still v young and not able to fully handle their emotions or communicate about them.

hmm, this thread is making my half made plans look pretty disorganised, must go and plan!

Just to say I've just stocked up in Primark and there's loads of things that would be great for post birth/labour wear there at the moment - lounge pants in the nightwear section for ?3.90, look nice and comfy (and quite thin so good for super hot post natal ward), tonnes of vests for ?2.50. and loads of button down nighties for about ?4.

I am always stunned when I pick up my son from nursery and witness him sitting on a chair eating fruit (no harness! no high chair!) without running off, or sitting down to listen to a story - NEVER happens for me. He still has strops there of course but I think is more likely to listen when he's reprimanded. Find with grandparents it's half and half - def better behaved than with me but after a while he'll start to test them.

Stickers are good - maybe a jumbo sticker/activity book? (thinking for the plane). Agree with all the above suggestions too. You can get mini tubs of dinosaurs from the Early Learning Centre I think.

I had a t-shirt of my husbands ready to wear for labour last time - in the end never got into it, and laboured mostly in the vest top and tunic (knitted!! what was i thinking??) I'd been wearing that day - just never got round to changing, and even did the last bit in theatre in the vest top and my maternity bra.

actually I do remember once when I was at the front of a fairly empty flight to edinburgh, think it was BA though, and my son was cuddling in to me (wasn't bf but was snuggling so facing in, if you see what I mean), the cabin crew officiously told me to have him facing outward. Was quite taken aback as he was over 1 by then and quite wriggly - really, what could I do?! and if it was helping calm him down...but anyway, am sure if had actually been feeding cd have made a case for it.