bluesuperted

Oh I'm so easily led... On strength of this and few other threads I went to Alexandra Nurseries today as the sun was shining and I fancied a change with my two, it was lovely, such a hidden gem! I had yummy cake and soup (in that order, what of it?) and as much as a potter and I could with two inquisitive little people. Very much recommended and easily accessible from FH, took me 20 mins on the bus/walking door to door. Sorry Otta no idea!

I retrained to be a speech therapist (from career in advertising/marketing) and when I've finished having children and doing my PhD I would like to actually practice or lecture in that, it is a truly fascinating area of work! Or something to do with psychology, possibly psychotherapist... I expect when I'm ready to enter the workforce a clinician I will have to do a refresher course in SLT and get some experience but I do feel lucky in having a qualification under my belt that I can return to fairly easily - like midwifery a lot of people switch to Allied Health Professions (physio, occupational therapist, SLT, dietician) later in life and it's not a major issue with employers if you're older/wiser when you start your new career.

I don't have experience either but I like SW can imagine the pull you must feel on your heart. Is there absolutely no way you can drop one day? If not then how about getting some extra help with meal preparation, laundry or other household tasks so your time at home can be devoted to your kids and talking to them? I know I DROWN in laundry and I am at home FT, it's bloody horrendous! I was doing the maths and think we have in excess of 300 items going through our washer and dryer a week, gah, takes an evening just to put it in piles after 5 loads have gone through... Anyway my point is can you ruthlessly outsource all that stuff as much as possible? I think ?Mellors might have posted about a load of tips for making things smoother when working FT - some of which are just as handy for SAHMs I think - like Ocado (amazing), meal planners, Cook!, weekly cleaner, etc. Also poor you with the teething, are you cosleeping? I know quite a few mums (and dads) who have found cosleeping a good way of reconnecting with baby/toddler when back at work. It might mean you get more rest too which could be a big help. I hope it starts to get easier, I'm sure it will, sounds very early days. xx

What a great idea! I don't have any of the above sadly but can I be cheeky and say, please consider other slings or soft structured carriers other than the Baby Bjorn? There are loads of threads on this on here and also the fabulous resource of the South London Sling Library (based in Beckenham) but as a starter for ten these slings will last you much longer and be better for both your back and baby than the BB: Ergo Connecta Manduca (my favourite; currently using with 11 mo in lieu of buggy and used with my eldest til he was almost 2.5) Beco Gemini / Butterfly or Soleil Moby wrap for early days Rose and Rebellion Boba 4G These might cost you more than a cake though as the resale value remains high (unlike the BB which come up often and don't retain value as don't last very long). Hope you don't mind my post... But babywearing / good sling is such a fantastic gift to mother and baby I wanted to give some pointers! BST

I'm so sorry to hear this, what a terrible and heartbreaking thing to happen. This just happened to an old friend of mine who I'm only really in touch with sporadically on FB - which is how they announced the tragedy too. I sent her a card and a private message on Facebook. She replied pouring her heart out and so we exchanged a series of messages and I'm trying to send her a little message every week or so as the initial outpouring of support quietens... I searched online and made sure not to say the following which people who had been through this said they heard (unbelievably really): - anything along the lines of it was better than the baby being born ill/with problems/must have been a reason etc - you can have another baby... She will want this exact baby right now - anything that suggests that soon the pain will stop, I imagine it will lessen eventually but I don't think you ever truly get over it in the sense that you can get over other terrible events - at least you have the child you have now (if they have a child already) I also followed her cues, in the FB announcement they announced the baby very much like you would a baby that was born alive, with a name and weight etc. In all correspondence I have used the baby's full name, referred to her as her daughter and made it clear that the baby made an impact, had a presence on earth even though she was stillborn. My friend expressed missing the baby... I thought that was so profoundly sad but makes so much sense, and I think therefore some mothers might want to talk about the baby to keep him/her with them in a way. Again following cues of the individual grieving. I think it's so hard to know what to say or do - and there really isn't an answer, nothing can actually help, so just recommend thinking carefully but also speaking from the heart... Expecting of course nothing in return - I fully expected my card and message to go unresponded to, but was happy I could be a shoulder to cry on even if I hadn't thought I was a natural choice for this. Best of luck with helping your friend through this worst of times xx

Btw you will find any decent woven wrap or soft structured carrier a total dream after a Bjorn, seriously you are going to love it! I have a 2.7 month gap and no double buggy, youngest has only ever been carried and I use a bugaboo bee for toddler on occasional long day trips.

First son was very big as a baby and I carried him til over two in the following: Ergo Beco Gemini Beco Butterfly Manduca (personal favourite, currently use full time with daughter, nearly 11m) Boba 3G (think there's a 4G now) I occasionally use a girasol woven with my daughter Have heard v good things about: Connecta Solarweave Ergo performance Babyhawk Beco Soleil JPMBB - stretchy woven hybrid Sure Emily at the excellent SLSL would have great further suggestions.

EDLove... Maybe I'm misunderstanding you but Forest Hill is not 'predominantly shabby', it's predominantly very nice and rightly popular! I'm enjoying it continually improve... But in no way waiting for it to be 'less shit'!!

Yes it's very relaxed. My dad is coming tomorrow so I warned nursery my son will get to choose grandad or nursery time (pretty sure he'll pick grandad!) and same again on weds. Similarly I have taken him out for a day trip and when I thought he was tired one day, wouldn't hesitate to take him out for a holiday... Except wouldn't happen as teacher husband precludes such shenanigans.

http://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/forum/read.php?29,1105123,1106079#msg-1106079 It was me that started it. Got some very useful tips, recommend the mumsnet thread referenced in the EDF thread too, and now have an awesome kitchen ;) Things I rate: Howdens (ED, Kev is great), full size integrated fridge AND freezer, pan drawers where possible, corner units as Pickle says, the amazing laminate type coating Howdens sell which means I have a hopefully ruin-proof wood block countertop, induction rangemaster. Also recommend Cook! in West Dulwich and not to live there during but very much did the latter!!

It used to be amazing in terms of rents (I paid ?650 a month for a one bed gorgeous flat in Nob Hill which is probably one of the smartest central neighbourhoods, amazing views) but now this would be MUCH more money, not sure what as most of my friends out there now own. They all bought in cool, but outer neighbourhoods like Bernal Heights, Cole Valley, Mission Dolores, Potrero Hill, Alameda, Rockridge (both Oakland/East Bay)... So those areas are pretty family friendly I think. In terms of food prices etc when we holidayed there in 2011 we found it still very reasonable to have a great standard of living, think good quality groceries were more but eating out less, services (including luxury ones to me like mani/pedi, sending laundry out) were still really cheap. Gas is cheap, hire cars cheap, retail shopping is cheaper. Even though the locals complain about the weather, it is gorgeous there most of the time - as in blue skies at least - so in my dreams when I think about how we would live there with a family I think we'd spend loads of time doing free stuff outdoors plus neighbourhood festivals etc. I'm sure there is loads going on for families and Oakland Zoo, the piers, SFMOMA etc. On our recent trip we were there for over two weeks and we ran out of time for all the things we wanted to do. I think most people who live in SF find it really gets under their skin, I literally cried for a week before we left, I sobbed through airport security! I've since spoken to other friends who lived there too at different times and we all agreed it is a special place that leaves a real imprint. I think for me part of the appeal was the absolute beauty of the city - obviously what was going on there was fab too - but aesthetically the bridges, the bay, the hills, the sky, the architecture, all stunning. There is also deprivation and mass homelessness which is harder to take (I hate the US approach to health, welfare and poverty, makes me very sad), but outside of that, for me being in the heart of such a liberal, vibrant and beautiful place was very good for the soul. This ad, released after I left, gives me mega goose bumps even now, cos it sums the city up: Can you tell I'd move back in a heartbeat?!

Work ethic on the West Coast (apart from my friends who are 'Googlers' or at Apple) was always fine. Much better than London even in marketing/branding jobs. People took lunch breaks, left work at 5 - I guess they were motivated to do so when they had country retreats in Napa or on the coast!! East Coast probably very different but my experience in SF, apart from the holiday allowance, was lifestyle over working all the hours possible.

Lived in San Francisco for a year in 2005 - still honestly feel a bit heartbroken we don't live there anymore, just wonderful. Northern California, which has it all, on your doorstep: Lake Tahoe, Yosemite, Route 1, close to LA/SoCal coast, Vegas, Monterey/Carmel all doable for weekend trips. SF and Oakland are wonderful cities. We lived there pre children but have friends who've since had kids and loads of great neighbourhoods, we went back with our one year old a few years ago and stayed in Alameda, fab. Foodie paradise, culture, people, outdoors, liberal politics, what more could you want?! Reasons we don't live there are: job/visa opps, healthcare and holiday allowance. Apart from that (and the 10 hour flight), it really is my favourite place on earth!

I have the same questions as you nsm :) I have also applied this year so it will be interesting to see what the response is to which cohort people deferring would join. The cross-borough/area thing is definitely intriguing and v important to me as we expect to move out of London at some point during primary.

I meant to add, obviously this is a personal decision and only you as parents know whether or not you feel your child is ready for school, or whether they would benefit from some extra time at home/nursery etc. Also every decision we make for our children could be detrimental or positive, what I mean to do with this thread is to highlight there is a choice, where it has been presented for a long time that there wasn't one. Knomester, yes we need to discuss this fully! I think re bullying, it can sadly happen for all sorts of reasons - I think just as likely they could get teased for being the baby of the year. I know what you're saying as they will be a little 'different' to their peers in respect of an arbitrary bureaucratic line, but I'd hope this would never become a major issue - no guarantees but I think schools are hopefully more inclusive places these days than when we were at school so this should help.

I haven't started talking to my son about this, but I think this approach is really really important - it's about talking about 'tricky people' and not strangers and makes loads of sense - this article explains it all: http://www.checklistmommy.com/2012/02/09/tricky-people-are-the-new-strangers/

Dear Family Roomers, I have learnt today that my received wisdom, and what is presented in the press, by schools and LAs and relayed to parents, about primary start dates, specifically for summer-born babies, is incorrect, and in fact contravenes our parental rights regarding our children's education. In short, I thought, as did every parent I know, if you wanted to defer your summer born child's schooling by one year, you would have to forsake their reception year and they would plunge straight into year one in the term after they turn five. To me this was untenable and would put the youngest children at an increased disadvantage, rather than help them. However, it turns out this is not the case, and parents have a legal right to defer their child's place, crucially *in reception* until the term after they turn 5. For a summer born baby born in 2010, this would mean they could start *reception* in 2015, not 2014 as we have been led to believe. This would also mean they enter the year as the eldest rather than the youngest and this would follow thm through their whole school career. Here is an article which outlines the issue: http://bit.ly/1dR4n4a And this details how the issue has been raised in parliament by one MP. http://www.stevebrine.com/media/media-releases/issue-of-summerborn-children-raised-in-parliament/1923 I feel there may be many of us in this boat who, having learnt where we stand legally, want to challenge the status quo and exercise our right to defer. I am writing on here to: A. see if any other people are interested and affected and want to take this further B. see if there any councillors/MPs from Southwark, Lewisham and Lambeth who can get involved in this? I am now galvanised into action on a personal level but know more than just my family is affected. I have already spoken to the school I think my son is likely to be given for September and expressed my desire that he now stays in (the same school's) nursery for an extra academic year and then join a new reception intake the following year. To be honest I still feel a little shocked to have been misled like this and I wanted at least to publicise these challenges to conventional start date wisdom for others to see as well!

My sister (teacher) did a placement at the Priory in Lewes and she said it was a great school, unlike others in the area. Think it just got outstanding but can't remember where I heard that.

Kilmorie in Forest Hill (lovely area, cheaper than ED) is a great school, very popular locally, and has 3-form intake so more chance of a space. They also had a bulge last year so may have reception places already. A great community school and lovely properties of lots of sizes and styles in the local, very residential streets.

We just did Lewes today, was gorgeous and v easy on public transport from FH.

The age old question! Although when we do eventually move we won't be tied to a London commute so our thoughts are slightly different. Spent the day in Lewes today, absolutely gorgeous, has almost everything we'd want - although would love slightly lower house prices and the sea to run through the town ;) We also like Whitstable/Tankerton and Broadstairs, and much further afield Bristol/Clevedon, Totnes and areas of Cornwall. Meanwhile we stay on in South East London and do enjoy it. One day!

PS: we went a little over budget but not much. I asked for discounts with everyone and every company that we used - big or small, I got trade price several times just by asking. It really really pays to haggle and I think is the reason we only went a little over. We also kept an ongoing spreadsheet to manage costs so we knew if we eg overspent on the kitchen we would need to spend a bit less on the carpets and so on. Think this kind of budgeting is crucial if you can't afford for costs to spiral. Similarly as we managed it ourselves, getting the order of works in place (and keeping on top as things inevitably change) really helps things move along. Again we managed to get finished pretty close to our original plan - and think this was down to me being obsessed that we had to achieve the timings we wanted, you need to be on at everyone to get things done quickly but I was ultra motivated living in said building site!

We did this... Without an architect.... Without a project manager... Without an interior designer. WITH a toddler and a mobile new baby. Living on site. It was HARD! I'm really proud we did it but I wouldn't recommend doing it our way unless you have to. I love the way things have turned out and apart from a few v small choices we've had to redo, I think we made all the right decisions for us, at each step, at speed! We used excellent tradespeople and I project managed with a baby and toddler on each hip. I am pretty organised and good at decision-making/researching interiors/ideas on iPhone etc, but even I nearly had a nervous breakdown! Thank god for slings, breastfeeding and a teacher husband who had a school holiday in the middle of if all. It took less than 7 months for our work (loft conversion, all decor, new walls, new floors, new windows, new garden, new doors, knocking down walls, building walls, new ceilings, new kitchen, bathroom... And lots more!) although the bulk took place in 5 months. For us we didn't have the option of family to stay with and I couldn't face renting and moving twice (whilst pregnant and with a newborn) hence deciding to live in. Plus we couldn't afford to but the finished article or the extra cost of rent etc. So we had to do it this way. It was like ripping a bandage off really and I'm so happy with the end result (bar a few small finishing touches we can take our time over) but I agree with Piaf, it's not easy and if you can afford to get someone you can trust to bounce ideas off that would be great. Literally every evening my husband and I talked only about the house whilst the newborn slept on my lap! Thankfully my little girl has been an angel baby. In fact I called the house renovation her evil twin as it gave me far more trouble than she ever has!!

Think he does quite far afield so worth asking. He moved a colleague of my husband's to the Kent coast in the summer.

You could download the Moldiv app, make a collage with photo and text (sure you've seen mine on FB!) and then just get a load of the collage printed out as a normal photo in Boots or wherever? Much cheaper idea too and can make beautiful pictures in seconds!