Ted Max

Try Flowery, PGC.

That's two lines. Or perhaps one and a half.

?? Checks calendar.

Everyone else is queuing for minor matters that could be dealt with elsewhere, delaying me from getting about my important affairs. The social element is an especial disgrace, of course. I'll tell my Gran that she's a hindrance to the productivity of someone else's working day, and if she really needs to chat to someone she should register with her local internet forum and wobble her bosom on there instead.

Did she? Please don't call her that I find it upsetting. Oh... the Count. My mistake.

Oi, Perdita, an absinthe for Lady Huntingdon and her lady companion, if you please.

What can you get for 10 a month?

Two Polixenes and a Florizel chaser, please, Hermione.

What if you do complain and it is ineffectual? Here's a piece I read a while back on this case, which is quite enlightening (*yes, it's in the Guardian). "The judgment starts off well, by dismissing the complaints made against Haywood by the Royal Sussex Hospital. The trust had complained that Haywood had broken their own rules by going public, instead of complaining internally. The panel was scathing about this. Haywood had in fact reported her concerns to a ward manager. In any case, her actions were justified because so many relatives and staff had complained, with no apparent effect. In a rather fine paragraph the panel writes that what Haywood did was defensible because "the concerns were of an exceptionally serious nature. The failure to deliver basic nursing care to these patients, many of whom were in the last stages of their lives, rendered many of their lives miserable. It was so serious because it was so fundamental. There was a failure to meet basic human needs." The judgment goes on to make clear that it was only the broadcast that forced radical reform. Until then, internal complaints had produced a sluggish and "not very impressive" response. So far, so good. But then the judgment takes a bewildering turn. Before the film went out, Panorama obtained the retrospective permission of every patient - or their relative - whose cases were featured. One elderly man is not featured, but is glimpsed in the background in a handful of shots. Suddenly the panel decrees that the fact that he is on a ward is confidential information, and that therefore Haywood has contravened the nursing code by betraying patient confidentiality. Moreover, she cannot be excused for it because "she should not have gone public until she had explored and exhausted, with management and senior management ... all other avenues of addressing the inadequacies on the ward." The result? She may not work as a nurse again. What? What? Only a few paragraphs earlier, Haywood is fully justified in forcing change. Now an anodyne background shot of a man in pyjamas means she must lose her livelihood. I read the nursing code. There is nothing in it to back up the panel's preconditions on whistleblowing. They seem to have been plucked out of the air. But the sense of official relief at a reason to ban her rises off the page."

I hope the staff aren't too friendly. I hope the staff aren't too miserable. I hope they make great Mojitos. I hope they have traditional ales. I hope they do free WiFi and have plenty of sockets. I hope they stick to just being a bar. I hope the decor's cool and laid back. I hope they avoid the hackneyed cool, laid-back vibe. I hope they do good food. I don't go to a bar to eat. I hope they are open late. I hope they close early. I hate the name. I love the name. When are we going there for EDF drinks? It's far too small for EDF drinks. It smells of poo.

Although presumably those being conquered queried the "justness" of such wars, even by the unknoweable "culture and mores of the time."

Does anyone know what the chap in Up & Running is called? The one with kind of blonde/light hair, there on the weekend. I think I might stalk him from afar. Does anyone know if the chap in Up & Running is bored? And might be up for drinks/chat or, more on the weekend. I think I might stalk him from afar. Does anyone know what the chap in Up & Running is called? The Saturday boy sells kit/fit yes I think he's gorgeous. I think I might stalk him from afar. On the weekend.

I think i'd either get that extra flu thing that Ted Max suggested Um ... that may prove problematical.

Dundee Utd won twice vs Barcelona, by the way. Winning in the Sixties before cheery Jim Maclean's lads did them over in the 80s. Hibs got a 4-4 draw away from home at Camp Nou, and then beat them 3-2 at Easter Road in the second leg. Celtic scratched a 0-0 away leg in the UEFA cup not so long ago. But the 'Gers? I don't hink so.

That doesn't really work, does it?

Chimney sweeps were responsible for the rapid spread of bird flue in many countries.

He's winding you up, Sophie.

Oh, I thought that was a Princess Diana T-Shirt but it's actually a tattoo? Nice.

That depends, were you on the @#$%& bus last night when it stopped outside my window for ten minutes I was. I was struck by the sight of a half-naked man dunking handfuls of Wotsits into a tin of beans, whilst swearing at a flickering blue screen. I haven't seen the like since I last visited the IT department to ask for a new mouse battery.

As if there's such a thing as smokeless coal.

I am, aren't I?

You can use your fireplace but the smoke must not go up the chimney as it is now deemed a hazard to nesting birds. Most people have special extractor pipes fitted into the fireplace which vent the smoke through wall-mounted filters that clean the smoke and expel it as clear exhaust. You need to change the filters about once a year.

ASK ANY PERSON WHO HAS BEEN RESIDENT OF ENGLAND FOR OVER 70 YEARS, WHY DO YOU THINK THINK THINGS HAVE DETERIORATED BEFORE YOUR TIME, 95% WOULD REPLY, WE SEE THINGS TODAY THAT HAVE NEVER BEEN OF THIS COUNTRY. SO MANY PEOPLE OF ALL AGES, WEIGHTS AND SIZES JOGGING, THIS IS IN MANY CASES SIMPLY TO BE IN CONDITION TO RUN FROM TROUBLE.

Dundee Utd beat Venables' Barca home and away. Man Utd obv won their CL title in the Nou.

Why do you ask about them targetting me, Zephyr? --Checks windows--