Ted Max

She's not good enough for him, Sharon, but sometimes you have to let them go. If it's egg and soldiers every night, though, with hot tears of guilt and duty on the soldiers, I can see his point.

I can't explain. It's a legal matter.

Two hundred and forty-one Corona for ?3 looks a decent offer. If you like Corona, that is.

Jan Koller waiting to be unveiled as Moyes' latest signing? (far right)

Those anger management sessions going well then, Tommy?

the only viable alternative is a Tory government What a rousing slogan that is, and what a triumph for a two party, FPTP system. Vote for us. You know in your hearts we are a shower of self-entitled, over-privileged cockstands, but we are the only viable alternative.

I had a Labour bod do an exit-poll door knock this evening. She looked so sad and tired. So very sad, and so very tired. She walked off down my expansive driveway like an old ewe, whose lambs have just been loaded into the abattoir lorry, returning to pasture. She's seen it all before but it still makes her sad, and she knows she'll be doing it all again next year.

This thread.

Yeah *Bob*, you're such a troll you started off mildly agreeing with Helen about the VFM of The Palmerston. Oh no wait, that's not right.

Who's a troll? And here's the reply from Oliver Thring. "@chrispople We should all go to this stingy-portioned, overpriced, over-defensive dump and give it foul reviews. 37 minutes ago from Tweetie in reply to chrispople"

Thought so. Was Special Branch onto you him? Or perhaps an irate gallery owner?

Blah, what have you done to Snorky?

Jury Team was set up as an umbrella for independents. Founded by Sir Paul Judge (hence the Jury name) - a former Tory fundraiser and donor, with the one-time title of Director General of the party. He sued the Guardian for libel and lost, over allegations regarding the party retaining funding from Asil Nadir, despite it being against the rules. Just the chap, then, to clear up the sty.

I like it. It's got a nice beat.

I'm not sure I should have to say this, but I wasn't exactly endorsing the sentiments of the song. More sadness/ amazement at a society in which such things could be written and performed as popular numbers. What is your post from, please? I'm not getting very far with the googling.

Ted, essentially I agree with you in the sense that even I don't much care for the European elections, not that I'm eurosceptic, I just couldn't be arsed. I do care about the elections. Or perhaps you agree with my view that nobody else much cares about them. As for using the expenses scandal to raise awareness of the election? Well, yes, but as most people's reaction is likely to be "sod 'em even more, and harder" I'm not sure there's going to be a net gain.

What on earth is that? It's not a patch on The Boers Have Got My Daddy.

(EDIT - reply to MM) I know. I was trying to make a point that it would be nice if this election were not dominated by this domestic situation. Euro election turnouts are v low anyway. I started a thread on this election ages ago and no-one gave much of a toss, nor could explain what the shifting allegiances to the various umbrella parties really meant, nor what the parties were campaigning on. Still couldn't, I'd wager - just a week before we vote. "Sod 'em all, it makes no difference who you vote for" was the gist, and this was long before the Telegraph wrote out its large cheque to Tory fundraising officer John Wick. So inevitably this election will be played out as the "expenses row election", something that will only further the "democratic deficit" and ignorance of what we are really voting for/ against.

What does this election have to do with MPs?

What does this election have to do with MPs?

Brendan, this is for you. Heartbreaking stuff from the home front during that war. We certainly don't write them like this any more. The Boers Have Got My Daddy Written and composed by Mills and Castling This morning in a busy street, A tiny lad I spied, With paper hat, and little wooden Sword slung by his side; Said I, 'Good morning, Gen'ral!' In a playful sort of way, 'I see by your appearance you're Preparing for the fray.' He stood up to attention, Looked at me with flashing eye, Then gripped his little wooden sword As he made this reply - 'The Boers have got my Daddy My soldier Dad; I don't like to hear my Mammy sigh, I don't like to see my Mammy cry; So I'm going in a big ship Across the raging main, And I'm going to fight the Boers, I am, And bring my Daddy home again!' I smiled down at the youngster, though A lump came in my throat, And marvell'd at the pluck beneath That little ragged coat. To hear the way that kiddy talked It really was sublime, But there you are! The old, old tale A Briton all the time! Said he, 'I've wrote to Gen'ral Bobs, To join his gallant band I'll pay the naughty Boers for keeping Daddy when I land!' (Chorus) I learnt his father was a private In an Irish corps, But when I heard the name I knew He'd never see him more; For in the list of casualties I'd only read that day, Beneath the scorching veldt that youngster's Gallant father lay. The nipper left me standing there, And marched away with pride, But turned his little curly head Again to me and cried - 'The Boers have got my Daddy My soldier Dad; I don't like to hear my Mammy sigh, I don't like to see my Mammy cry; So I'm going in a big ship Across the raging main, And I'm going to fight the Boers, I am, And bring my Daddy home again!'

Oh dear, Brendan. Yet David offers a smudge of light on this dark palette. (Thanks, David) Late in his life, and after the death of his first wife (whom he had long since excluded when she was alive - she slept alone in the attic and was not allowed in his study), Thomas Hardy turned in a series of poems about her, and the lost life they never had. This one's quite long but it builds nicely. We've all watched the morning harden upon the wall, I guess. But while the wife carked it upstairs? Unmoved, unknowing... The Going Why did you give no hint that night That quickly after the morrow's dawn, And calmly, as if indifferent quite, You would close your term here, up and be gone Where I could not follow With wing of swallow To gain one glimpse of you ever anon! Never to bid good-bye Or lip me the softest call, Or utter a wish for a word, while I Saw morning harden upon the wall, Unmoved, unknowing That your great going Had place that moment, and altered all. Why do you make me leave the house And think for a breath it is you I see At the end of the alley of bending boughs Where so often at dusk you used to be; Till in darkening dankness The yawning blankness Of the perspective sickens me! You were she who abode By those red-veined rocks far West, You were the swan-necked one who rode Along the beetling Beeny Crest, And, reining nigh me, Would muse and eye me, While Life unrolled us its very best. Why, then, latterly did we not speak, Did we not think of those days long dead, And ere your vanishing strive to seek That time's renewal? We might have said, "In this bright spring weather We'll visit together Those places that once we visited." Well, well! All's past amend, Unchangeable. It must go. I seem but a dead man held on end To sink down soon. . . . O you could not know That such swift fleeing No soul foreseeing-- Not even I--would undo me so!

Anyone up for some more? Long Distance II, by Tony Harrison. Though my mother was already two years dead Dad kept her slippers warming by the gas, put hot water bottles her side of the bed and still went to renew her transport pass. You couldn't just drop in. You had to phone. He'd put you off an hour to give him time to clear away her things and look alone as though his still raw love were such a crime. He couldn't risk my blight of disbelief though sure that very soon he'd hear her key scrape in the rusted lock and end his grief. He knew she'd just popped out to get the tea. I believe life ends with death, and that is all. You haven't both gone shopping; just the same, in my new black leather phone book there's your name and the disconnected number I still call.

OK. Here it is in close-up action. (Clearly the apple is for demonstration purposes only) http://www.chickenblog.com/images/forpie2.jpg