Ted Max

Mockney has it. Tsk - BBW will be sore.

OK. Slight delay. After successfully destroying two new-builds (and killing the inhabitants) I get too greedy, and fall to an uncomfortable death.

Mr Rochester - Jane Eyre

I think this hits the right note. Afternoons by Larkin (again). "Their beauty has thickened. Something is pushing them To the side of their own lives". Summer is fading: The leaves fall in ones and twos From trees bordering The new recreation ground. In the hollows of afternoons Young mothers assemble At swing and sandpit Setting free their children. Behind them, at intervals, Stand husbands in skilled trades, An estateful of washing, And the albums, lettered Our Wedding, lying Near the television: Before them, the wind Is ruining their courting-places That are still courting-places (But the lovers are all in school), And their children, so intent on Finding more unripe acorns, Expect to be taken home. Their beauty has thickened. Something is pushing them To the side of their own lives.

I don't think you're in the Will, KidK, but fair enough, no harm in asking.

"Heroes 1: Villans 0"

Good work *Bob*. Only the "Alternatives to an Aga" promo button gives it away as an obvious spoof.

I think I can clear this one up.

Hi Moos. You sound insufferable, I think you'll love it here. I know I do.

Routine needs a bit of work before you take it to Edinburgh, Hugey, but I think the bare bones are there. Maybe add some amusing visual aids. Perhaps even build in a bit of "improv" - get people to shout out suggestions for items to barter. It'll need a bit of word of mouth but you should do well. Try an Aussie or Irish accent as well - if you want to cover all the bases.

What of her?

James, did you read Lucy Mangan's line on one of Hazel's YouTube videos? "It's as if the offspring of a squirrel and Jane Horrocks had hopped up onto a chair and started lying to you about the future."

Two Little Boys? I quite liked that.

Me: A sensitive boy, woefully miscast on a lads holiday taken at the end of the our final school term. Him: Our hostel owner's weepy-eyed retriever. Long walks along the coast in the day, while the lads hit the sangria, fostered the bond. Long al fresco evenings spent reading M?rquez out loud cemented it. The phone call home to find out that my grades had only merited Keele crystalised my plan. To elope. And write. As the Monarch Air flight touched down the next day, I knew I had already abandoned my future.

(eating all the pies)

I'm guessing that if you peopled the video with more than two opaque people per room, it might not look so light and roomy, and more like Gatwick South Terminal on the first day of half term. It look mighty noisy as well. That said, I am IN FAVOUR of this SCHOOL. BROADLY.

I bet there wouldn't be a tube strike that day.

Crap game - too slow moving, gave up at Level 3. The ghosts were cool, though.

Yeah, I know it's not a startling piece of knowledge, Quids, but I fancied Saf from long ago - although I have no idea how the odds looked then. You have to look at how the groups stack up as well - and the ICC handily made that very predictable with their seedings. If Saf win their group (they have to beat India, which I think they will) they will probably meet NZ in the semi. And I think they have too much game for NZ - similar teams, except Saf have the extra bit of class. I think SL are the biggest danger to Saf because of their spinners, and the top order will put Parnell and Steyn under pressure. That's the final for me - SL v Saf. Either that or India v Saf, with India having done SL in the other semi. One caveat: the very top of the order seem to have come off their peak a bit, but I'm trusting Gibbs to play at least one of his specials in the tournament. Also, as I said, they are supremely rat-faced, which counts for something.

I've been boring strangers to death telling them to lump on South Africa heavily. Nearly the whole side played IPL, and most did well in it. They bat hard and long, and have most areas of bowling covered. Also, Parnell and Steyn possess the sort of pinch-cheeked hunger usually found in depression-era New York street gangs. The dancers are a homage to Billy Bowden's boundary signals.

England going for the quick result here. Er...

Hope you are indeed recovered. Welcome back. Things have moved on apace. We have an enthusiastic torturers club. Sean deals only in withering put downs. Chav almost never posts. You're going to find things different.

Maurice! As I live and breathe. Do you think you can keep it under control this time around?

Hiff it. It wouldn't press well. I'm going to dry it out on the radiator anyway. It'll be company for the voles.

What were its dying words? "Why have you got your heating on in June?"