reren

The naughty step is a comPlete waste of time as when we threaten that he shouts 'yippee' and runs to sit on it!!

I'm intrigued - so this one is for all you amateur child psychologists out there (and hopefully one or two professionals!) : what is it about toddlers and their need to control EVERYTHING?! My once sweet docile little boy is such a tyrant these days - 'you sit here', 'you play with me' etc. Is it that they have discovered they can have some control over their surroundings and it goes to their head and they become power crazed or is there something important happening developmentally? And therefore - how much is it good to follow their 'orders' (only word for it) and how much to push back / tell them to put a sock in it! :-). Currently i do a lot of sitting in uncomfortable positions on the floor, in small space between bath and corner(!), etc, but draw the line at allowing daddy to be told he isn't allowed into the kitchen etc. but what is it all about?

I think the older girl younger brother dynamic can be a lovely one(I am an older sister to my brother). I always felt very maternal and was rarely jealous. In our case I've always thought it was because of different sexes we didn't feel very competitive with each other - but maybe was due to parenting more than gender? Older girls are often great at creating brilliant games to play with their brothers and helping to soften / broaden some of the focus on cars and trucks that can dominate small boys lives! What my parents did was to make us into a little team - they rarely compared us to each other (or never over anything serious) and encouraged us when we defended each other against them. There was a subtle approval of us for example for sticking up for each other - and real disapproval of telling on each other. That behavior wasnt rewarded - and I think it helped us create a bond. We always jumped to the others defense against pur parents. We had terrible rows too of course - especially physical fights (until he got as big as me) - it wasn't the Walton's! But generally we loved (and still love) being together. I wonder if sometimes parents can use the older child to help them parent (tell me when your brother is being naughty) - and maybe that then can set up a funny dynamic? I'm always surprised when I see other friends and their sibling has told a parent something private / a confidence between the siblings. Even now as an adult I know I can tell my brother anything without it going back to my parents - I suppose I feel he has my back (if you know what I mean?). Seems to me that's quite powerful and probably largely created by the extent to which parents try and avoid comparing too much, criticizing one in front of the other, setting up one child as the good child / the other as the naughty? One final thing I've noticed in other close family/ friends - is that sometimes one of the parents can be very dominating forces in the family dynamic - they are the one everyone wants to stay on the right side of / be friends with - and they encourage that atmosphere because it makes them feel good / centre of attention - but it can have the effect of making the parent each child's bestfriend / confident - rather than the siblings turning to each other for that. Not sure if I'm explaining myself very well...but have seen this a number of times... I'm about to have my second (and hoping for mixed gender siblings)so we'll see whether I can practice what I preach!

Gillandjo - that sounds really hard - but you must try and see that this is developmental - nothing to do with you at all! My son is the opposite - wants to be w mummy and pushes away daddy - and I can very clearly see it isn't actually anything to do with me being better - but he just sees more of daddy (who is at home more) and its part of a toddler style power game. I think sometimes he just says something like 'I want my mummy' in order to be able to make a fuss about something! My husband finds it hard sometimes - and it is hard to have the person you adore most in the world being mean to you - but this will pass! They get much nicer around 4 I hear! make sure you get out and talk to other mums and dads who are going through the same thing - it is sooo common might make you take it less to heart too realise that.

I think what I need to do is take my son to the dentist but I wonder if any mums have any advise / words of wisdom. We recently went through a phase w my 2 and a half year old when he wouldn't let me brush his teeth and wouldn't touch the tooth brush himself. It lasted quite a while (6 months?) and in that time he went many times without having teeth brushed - I did do some pinning him down and forcing the toothbrush into his mouth but I was worried it would give him a complex and so more times than not we just let it go. Finally we are in a new phase and he's loving brushing and doing it reasonably well - though I'm sure not getting the back teeth get that super clean... I just had a good look at his back teeth and gave myself a bit of a fright as they are a bit brown in the middle of the molars! Have I let his teeth rot already! Eek. He doesn't eat sweets but does have some fruit juice (v watered down) though we try and stick to water - and he loves fruit ... Any experience of similar and advice on a nice local dentist to take him to see?

I had a great experience with kings even though i was hoping for a homebirth that didnt happen- even the much discussed post-labour ward was ok! It probably helped that i wasnt there for very long - but the staff were lovely. When i was being taken down to the post-labour ward they did this lovely thing where every member of staff i encountered in the lift, hallway etc called out congratulations in this delighted, heartfelt way. It still makes me teary thinking how wonderful that was to hear from strangers after a pretty tough birth- and impressive considering they must see so many women who've just given birth. You need to be prepared that you are'nt going to get much help w the baby from midwives on post labour ward(though they are there for important things like making sure your baby is healthy and i had some fantastic help w breast feeding). Now that your partner can stay it must be great. I was on my own and was pretty hard to move around...but still i'd say kings is a great place to have a baby.

I can sort of understand the angst - particularly wanting to protect little girls from living in a world of commercial Disney pink - but I have to say I think worrying too much about the Cinderella story misses the complexities of growing up. I loved Cinderella - and spent many happy hours with my grandmother sweeping the hearth with her pretending to be the ugly stepsisters - for some reason I liked dramatizing that bit rather than the finale of finding the shoe and getting the prince? As I grew up I became more and more of a feminist - and I find it quite easy to reconcile the career woman, main bread winner, feminist I have become with the little girl who loved Cinderella. Fairy stories have been part of our culture from time immemorial - every culture in the world has a version of the Cinderella story (granted our Disney version is a pretty drippy sanitized one compared to more ancient versions where death, mutilation and virginity were much more prominent elements of the tale!) but personally I think (some) little girls love pink and princesses for a while, but it doesn't automatically make them passive or weak - and they are just as likely to go onto having a phase of tomboyness. To me the far far more important role model is their mother and father - and how they share roles and responsibilities, childcare and work. Where parents share this equally - I think little girls and boys grow up to expect that from their own lives and relationships - whatever their interest in Disney/ Cinderella as a child.

Just to add to the mix - I was apprehensive about sharing the house - but it has been really easy with both au pairs. They tend to develop busy social lives and so aren't around on weekends much anyway - and the huge benefits of having an extra pair of hands around far far outweighs any negatives. But it is all about finding someone you like and treating them really fairly. It does sound like you want a bit more work from someone than would be fair to ask an au pair - so might need to go for nanny/ housekeeper - but don't let the sharing the house thing put you off - it really is fine.

I have a whole stack sitting in hall ready to go to recycling - pm me if you could come pick them up

Don't know much more than what I heard on news night - think currently the NHs will not pay for over 39 year olds to have treatment - and new guidelines are suggesting this increases to 42?

I assume you know that the brierly have a particular specialism with women who have mental health issues / depression? Definitely talk to your midwife - it isn't something I have personal experience of but i was with the brierly with my son and they were wonderful. I am very confident that you will be met with some real expertise in helping you cope with this. It's scary being pregnant and overwhelming - and your hormones are doing all sorts of strange things - not surprising that it might throw things out of kilter.

Guidelines have been released today recommending extending Ivf to women up to age of 42 on NHs. Now we can expect lots of tedious headlines about selfish career women choosing to leave it too late/ wasting NHs money. I love Mariella Frostrup she was great on newsnight - making the point that it isn't just women's choice to leave it til after 35 to have kids. So infuriating that men not wanting to settle down and have babies pre-35 is never discussed. Culturally it's as much of a 'problem'as women supposedly making that choice! (If its a choice at all...bet a huge number of women having Ivf after 40 have been trying other means to have babies for years before they turn to ivf anyway) Makes me so angry that we don't ever - as a society - say to young men 'if you want to have an easy time having kids with the woman you love - get her pregnant as young as you can!' In fact we constantly reinforce the idea that men can keep making babies into their 90s so fertility isn't something for them to worry about. So outdated to behave as though women have all the responsibility in decisions about making children when in fact it's generally v much a joint decision.

Argos sells boxes for moving - or just google online -lots of options

Last night had a discussion with a friend (who is planning to have a baby soon) about the dreadd subject of controlled crying/sleep. She was adament that she would follow the lead of her friends who had done controlled crying and critical of me that i still have a toddler who takes a while to go to sleep each night (we didnt do control crying). I wasnt angered so much as amused by her black and white view of parenting cause i know i was like that before having my son. It all seemed so simple. But it also struck me (yet again) what a shame that discussions around parenting are so polarising. Such a tendancy for people to say on the one hand if you prioritise parent-wellbeing and are strict about bed routines etc you cant be a warm and empathetic parent and on the other if you are more child-led you must be producing a spoiled brat who will rule the roost! Surely there's so much grey in between - and i suspect that when you have more han 1 child you find you do things slightly differently with each child? Why do we feel such a need to judge other parents for doing something different than we are doing? I wonder if its that deep down we all feel insecure - basically until you can look at your high functioning emotionally healthy adult child you have no idea if you are doing the right thing! Maybe we all cling to the approach we've decided to take and rail against anyone doing things different because we're terrified we're doing it all wrong! :-) i hope in writing this i dont start a discussion where people start slagging each other off by the way - kind of the opposite of my intent in posting!!

I really wouldn't worry - church hall is pretty low-key - only noise from church is a nice church bell that rings on a Sunday morning

Has everyone discovered the dish and spoon on cheltenham road? It is my new favourite - great space for kids to play and lots of toys - best place in the area for small people by a mile! I have no connection to them - just think they should be rewarded for a job well done!

Just a thought in support of your sister inlaw - think seeming competitive might be a sign that she is worried and trying to show you what he IS doing well. Personally id tread very carefully here and speak to your brother not your sister in law - very easy for people to feel judged by in- laws. You know from your mum that they are worried so quite likely that they are doing the same google searches you are. Uninformed questions / diagnosis may not be helpful - you could make them more worried than they need to be without knowing what you are talking about. Somethin about how helpful you found the health visitor 2 year check when your daughter was that age or something as subtle as that might be as far as you should go - and let them lead the conversation. Even that may be too much as chances are they are hyper sensitive to the fact that the rest of the family is worried. Focusing on praising him - how well he's doing what he's doing is much more likely to give them a happy xmas? My brother went through some developmental worries with his son and now all resolved - im very glad now i didnt say anything.

My toddler is going through a bad mummy phase - he has always been a bit mummy focused but its really bad at the moment and really hurts his poor dads feelings! I guess it's just a phase - but I wonder if anyone has any tips for trying to get them to focus a bit less on you? It's perplexing too - my husband And i split the parenting very evenly (both work but partly from home) and because my husband works from home and on a freelance basis he is around a lot. He's a lovely dad too - lots of fun and gives lots of cuddles. He has been working a lot of evenings recently which means I do all the bedtime stuff but then he is around during the day - we also have an au pair (who 2 year old adores although sometimes he also rejects wanting mummy instead). He isn't at nursery yet and there's been no changes recently to disrupt him. I think he could be getting molars through and he has been very coldy for last couple of weeks (so maybe connected to feelin ill) but his mummyness is really bad - hates his dad taking him - gets upset when he wakes up and his dad is there rather than me ... Seems to do it much less w the au pair - it almost feels like an anti- daddy thing...really starting to bother my husband - I feel really sorry for him being told 'go away daddy'. I always say to my son - I don't like it when he says that and try not to reward that behavior - and we don't always give in ... But especially when he isn't well and really distressed - I end up feeling I have to be the one to deal w him...what is it all about!!!

Anyone know of any classes locally for toddlers to do art? Would love to find somewhere my two year old could go and get messy and do some finger painting etc other than my house !!

Makes me so sad - i spent much of my maternity leave happily ensconsed in the gardens - it had just opened and was a favourite place - i felt so warm about it until they removed the childrens room and made it clear tht kids were not welcome. i guess they decided that groups of mums and lots of kids was putting off other customers (which im sure it did) - but it does seem odd to me that they have taken such an antimum stand...are there that many other people at home during the day and happy to while away a couple of hours and multiple cappuccinos and cakes...i now pretty much avoid the place - even when im on my own and very well behaved! Posts like this make me even less likely to go.

Was recently broken into and want to get a decent alarm system - but have read some bad reviews of adt online - anyone have good experiences with a burglar alarm company? Don't seem to be many recommendations on the forum? Anyone used First Protection - got a card for them at callows on lordship lane?

Have you tried putting him to bed an hour later? We had same problem and doing that fixed the early wake-ups overnight - only problem is now we don't sit down to eat until about 9pm but most nights he's asleep around 8 which is preferable to being awake at 4! He had never really slept through the night and once we changed the bedtime he began sleeping thru every night...so it was actually the start of a really good sleep phase once we figured it out. Good luck

Really strongly recommend getting some standard blood tests for fertility done - I had trouble conceiving with first baby and didn't think I had any symptoms of anything wrong only to discover I had a thyroid condition - once treated I got pregnant right away. You need to rule out it being something like this that is easy treat and important to fix for your long term health - even if you didn't want to conceive.

My nearly 2 year old has been doing messy poos for a few weeks - varying in how gross they are but definitely not as solid as they were- he is loving blueberries and eating a lot of strawberries and blueberries - im guessing these are the culprits as he is in fine spirits and doesnt seem unwell - does anyone have any tips on how much fruit is too muCh and / or what foods are good to make sure he has aswell to - ahem - bind him up a bit! I think eggs are quite binding? He doesnt drink Cows milk as that tends to make him constipated (has oat milk instead) but maybe i ned to put some cows milk back in the mix? Sorry for the rather disgusting nature of this post!!

I am having trouble understanding the info on horniman website - they seem to have a picnic area with tables - but do you know if its allowed to spread a picnic blanket out and juat eat on the grass somewhere in gardens? We are planning an outing with lots of small people of different ages including crawling and would be much easier not to be seated at picnic tables