How long would you leave a one year old?

[Bellenden Belle]

Advice and opinions sought.

My youngest will be 13 months in August. A wedding in Ireland is happening and granny has offered to look after both my 13-month old and his older brother.

The older one is very confident and happy with granny as she has looked after him for three years. She has hardly spent any time with the baby and has little interest in doing so.

We were thrilled when she suggested two nights. She's now come back and said she

Wants to take them on holiday and so needs them both for four nights. For me, this feels too much. Her retort is that I was happy with two nights away, so what's the difference?

I have offered ways for her to spend weekly time with both children but she's declined. Instead she is having him overnight twice before the four days in August.

Am I worrying unnecessarily? Or am I right that four nights for a baby (still partially breastfed) is too young

[snowboarder]

I wouldn't have left either of my two at 13m, but mostly they were both breastfed still at that age and the oldest particularly was fairly high maintenance and a sleep refusenik. Do you have concerns that granny will not cope for four nights alone with two children? I would. Could she maybe just have your older one and you take the baby with you?

[Cora]

Follow your instinct - It is your decision not hers, however generous her offer is....If you felt happy with two nights but not four then stick with that. You will not enjoy being away unless instinct tells you it is fine.

[louise.flynn]

I agree that you should follow your instincts that seem to be saying no..

I think the difficulty is that she sounds like she is manipulating the situation somewhat. I knows its not ideal, but how about leaving the older child with granny and taking the 13 month old with you. You can always organise some local childcare in Ireland for the day/ night of the wedding.

Although its hard with family politics, they are your babies and you always get final say.

[Otta]

I think every case will be different, depending on child and parent.

But it sounds like you're not happy with it, so don't do it.

[Smiler]

I wouldn't personally have been Ok with what your mum suggests.

[Ellie78]

We had To hand over my then 9 month old to his grandparents because both of us were unbelievably Ill and couldn't look after him. He was there for 6 days. He was absolutely fine - he hadn't seen them

Much (they live far away) but the love shone through.

I expected to be devastated by it but I was so ill I couldn't be anything other than relieved

And it worked so well and they were so pleased to have him that he's been going to theirs for a week every year since.

It's been amazing and he his own strong bond with them. He loves it.

Just to present you with another experience.

[minder]

Bellenden, maybe your mum/mum-in-law hasn't spent much time with your youngest as they're still quite young and still being breastfed but things can change. I do feel for you though and as the location is so far away I would have probably not gone if I had a young child and a 13 month old.

Like Ellie78 with her situation, I had a very ill time the day after the birth of my youngest (now 17) when I couldn't make any decisions but know she was well looked after by my Mum (God rest her soul) for over a week while I got better.

With her and my mum-in-laws help I don't know how I would have got through.

[cactus]

I waited until 18 months before I left mine, and only for one night at a time, and always with my sister whom we saw constantly.

I would go with your instincts, and explain your concerns. Perhaps the holiday option can happen another time, when your baby is older.

Attachment behaviour kicks in at around 8 months old, which is why it's usually easier to leave small infants with carers. However older children will suffer from separation anxiety to varying degrees, and this can make it harder for everyone.

That said, your baby will have his older brother with him, and this may well comfort him, even if he's less familiar with his granny, just a thought.

[Angelina]

I'm sure it will be fine. I'm quite sure your mum is completely capable....

You can also freeze breast milk for the baby :-)

A couple of days first are a great idea - and he'll have his brother there.

[Saffron]

If pumping for more than one or two nights kills your supply, would you be happy with breastfeeding ending?

Fwiw, it's not totally about Granny's capability. It's about the mother's feelings, and as a patent you don't have to justify this decision or explain your reasons, even to your own parents. If you don't want to do it, don't be manipulated. xx

[Belle]

It's definitely not about w heather it's too young I don't think - I can imagine lots would depend on the situation/baby in question/reasons why etc etc. I think it's as others say, what you feel comfortable with. I have only ever done two nights with my lot but I wouldn't turn down the chance for more - but mine are quite a bit older. Both our mums are on their own so I'm mindful too that more than two nights (and actually even one-two nights!) is quite a challenge on their own. It sounds almost like you're feeling pressured into it - don't be afraid to say that's too long, I don't think it sounds unreasonable at all to say so.

If she's previously shown not as much interest in the baby, I do understand your wariness. I guess you could do the night or two before hand as a trial and say you'd like to see how that goes before deciding - but can see that logistically she may need to know before then if booking hols. Also going away with two kids sounds more hassle than staying at home? I'd be a bit stressed about the logistics of it all.

[Bellenden Belle]

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone for your thoughts and suggestions and opinions. All really useful - particularly the fact that there were such varying opinions.

My partner has now spoken to his mum and said that we would be happier with two nights. If I feel differently nearer the time or if the trial sleepovers go really well then I may up it to three nights. But I'm going to try and not feel pressurized into anything.

I don't think my milk supply is likely to disappear after two nights? Does that happen? I had a couple of nights away when breastfeeding no.1 and don't remember any problems - I guess there's always a chance Mister will decide against boob after such a break, but at 13 months I'd be okay with that (though ideally I'd like to continue).

[Pickle]

Your milk supply will be fine at this point. I had to leave my then 15 month old for a week to go to NZ for a funeral. I took a pump, but never found the time/energy, but on my return all was fine and she carried on breastfeeding when I returned.

Sounds like you have reached a sensible resolution, and I hope all goes well - time without children as a couple is great, so enjoy!

[Saffron]

Bellenden Belle Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone

> for your thoughts and suggestions and opinions.

> All really useful - particularly the fact that

> there were such varying opinions.

>

> My partner has now spoken to his mum and said that

> we would be happier with two nights. If I feel

> differently nearer the time or if the trial

> sleepovers go really well then I may up it to

> three nights. But I'm going to try and not feel

> pressurized into anything.

>

> I don't think my milk supply is likely to

> disappear after two nights? Does that happen?

Some women find that their supply bounces back easier than others. Just food for thought. No pun intended! :)

[midivydale]

That sounds like a good solution. For what it is worth, I have only left my son once, with his dad, and he is 4!! My parents were away a lot when I was a child and I just have not been comfortable with leaving him so I can completely understand where you are coming from. It sounds like you are doing what you are comfortable with, good for you!!

[Jettialia]

Personally I wouldn't leave them for that long. Too many issues like possibly mastitis or nursing strike and then risk the end of nursing journey. Perhaps like you say there are other ways for her to feel involved. Good luck with what you decide. Sometime dealing with trying to please all family members is tough right?!