Masterchef Quotage

[HonaloochieB]

Just a thread to drop in the critiques of Fat Face John the Cook and Fat Face Greg the Delivery Boy.

Tonight I particularly enjoyed FF John informing some poor mare that her dessert, which had a lemon curd aspect to it "wasn't complicated enough".

I was impressed with the way that the lady in question put her head to one side and gave a tight, brave smile.

However I would have been far more impressed had she vaulted over the table and kneed the bastard in the nads.

Oh, come on, it's not as if he doesn't deserve it. Seriously.

Anyway Fat Face Greg's turn next.

Unless you know different.

[HonaloochieB]

Oh, and any quotes from Fat Face Greg the Delivery Boy which contain the word 'yummy' will be spurned.

Yes, of course they have to be, it's not a word, just a noise that happens when he drags the spoon from his sucking maw.

Not his fault of course, but, no 'yummy'.

[????]

"So we're agreed, HonaB goes"

[first mate]

What about when FFGW says "cor" is that allowed? No "yummy" and no "cor" would leave little to quote.

Last night FFJT sampled the pud cooked by a Scottish lady copper and obeserved "I don't like the way your sauce has separated into two colours".

[Ted Max]

"HonaloochieB has taken a six month break from his job as a badger gasser to follow his dream of opening a cucumber relish parlour in Brixton market. But is he set for the stress of a professional kitchen?"

[Ted Max]

"HonaloochieB, Your bacon is beautifully cooked. The bread is soft and contrasts with the crispness of the bacon. Buuut, I could have done with more sauce to hold it all together. Such a shame."

"Mmmmyyeahhhh, I like it. It's bacon, and then it's bread, and then it's the tangy finish of the HP. You, my friend, have the potential to go a long way in this competition."

[woofmarkthedog]

"Scrummy"

" I like this guy"

"Hmm ,now what rhymes with scrummy"

"Oh yeah, "scrummier"....I think "

*At this point he keels over from a stroke*

ROLL CREDITS...............

W**F

[JetSetWilly]

I often see FFGTDB, when Im down spending my weekends in not so sunny Whitstable. Shops in T&*%$, possible opportunity for a FFGTDB vs Jamie cook-off.

Still his mott is a fair bit of gear, and a lot younger than him.

[charliecharlie]

"it's not a flavour I would gladly try again..."

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01415/sick_1415696c.jpg

greasy potatoes and dried overcooked pork loin...mmmmmm yummy

[katie1997]

"Ladymuck, your Irish chocolate brownies are AMAZING.....a winning combination.......you're through to the next round" :))

"But what possessed you to serve yams for the first course? Interesting combination with the pigs tails" ;-)

Btw, does FF Greg now get to comment first all the time? He used to just echo what FF John said (with an added yummmmmy/scrummmy thrown in for good measure).

[HonaloochieB]

Ted Max Wrote:

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> "HonaloochieB, Your bacon is beautifully cooked.

> The bread is soft and contrasts with the crispness

> of the bacon. Buuut, I could have done with more

> sauce to hold it all together. Such a shame."

*Takes head, tips to one side while pursing lips and seasons with a promise on his father's gravy and every curry goat (as opposed to that useless white trash goat curry) yet unborn to hold it all together in the next round*

>

> "Mmmmyyeahhhh, I like it. It's bacon, and then

> it's bread, and then it's the tangy finish of the

> HP. You, my friend, have the potential to go a

> long way in this competition."

*takes one head and two shoulders. Allows shoulders to drop while simultaneously inclining head back on the vertical to approximately 51 gegrees. Seasons with desperate promise to do better if FFJTC and FFGTDB keep him on.

Agrees with FFJTC and FFGTDB that he'd applied far too much dignity and swears on the memory of the apochryphal Fannie Craddock story, that he'll never go down that road again. Especially not on his journey.

Settles his hash*

[HonaloochieB]

I believe it was Thurday evening when FFJTC announced "In my mind I'm fairly clear who should stay, I'm also clear who should go"

FFJ didn't get to where he is today without decisions as firm as his gravy.

[HonaloochieB]

FFG also on Thursday reckoned that "There's only so far passion and soul can take him"

Cheers FFG, that'll be four stone of Maris Pipers, leave 'em outside the back door.

[HonaloochieB]

FFJ informed some hapless sod, that "The first rule of cookery is you have to cook it right".

It was his way of informing the woman he wasn't keen on her spuds.

Still she got off lightly compared to Tim and his hake who was informed "You are vying with a lot of flavours there".

Imagine Tim's surprise, up 'til then he had no idea he was in competition with his ingredients.

Corky O'Rorky who'd be a restaurateur, eh?

[katie1997]

FFG "I'm slightly concerned she made a pattern around her plate of pasta.....out of olives" and...

"The frittata has spice. It has seasoning. But at the end of the day,......its a frittata."

FFJ "I don't like the pharmaceutical flavour of lavender running through my mouth". No, I wouldn't either.

[SteveT]

Ted Max wrote :- HonaloochieB has taken a six month break from his job as a badger gasser....

If he's a badger gasser I want to be a Panda culler, or perhaps a common snow leopard pest controller.

[HonaloochieB]

katie1997 Wrote:

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> FFG "I'm slightly concerned she made a pattern

> around her plate of pasta.....out of olives"

> and...

Out of Olive's what?

>

> "The frittata has spice. It has seasoning. But

> at the end of the day,......its a frittata."

Just say what you see FFG..say what you see.

>

> FFJ "I don't like the pharmaceutical flavour of

> lavender running through my mouth".

This would have work perfectly if FFJ had saved it up for a Graham Norton interview. Think man, think.

[Loz]

Still his mott is a fair bit of gear, and a lot younger than him.

Can anyone offer me a translation of this sentence (well, the first half, anyway)? I think I understand what JSW is saying, I just can't decipher how I got there.

[woofmarkthedog]

Loz Wrote:

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> Still his mott is a fair bit of gear, and a lot

> younger than him.

>

> Can anyone offer me a translation of this sentence

> (well, the first half, anyway)? I think I

> understand what JSW is saying, I just can't

> decipher how I got there.

___________________________________________________________________

Mott= Girl/wife

She's younger than him

Jeez loz, keep up.

Where are you out of ( from ) not the fucking home counties, please ?

W**F

[Loz]

Woof, I worked that much out on my own - but why?? The best I could get was mott = "Mott the Hoople" = Rupaul, but I suspect that allegation would be shot down very quickly in a court of law.

And "a fair bit of gear"?? The last fair bit of gear I saw weighed about an eighth of an ounce.

And yes, I am a foreigner, though one that has been in the UK for quite a while.

[Loz]

Having not got an explanation, I turned to Google. It seems to think that, English slang-wise, 'mott' doesn't actually refer to his girlfriend but just... erm... part of his girlfriend. Or rather, a certain part of his girlfriend.

Which begs the question as to whether JetSetWilly has been living up to his name!

And still doesn't explain the etymology.

[Polly D]

I love these accronyms. So just watched yesterday's episode on catch up. Watched FFGtDB thinking 'hmmmm was it the orange peel that FFJtC said he didn't like? Was it? Was it? Oh, okay so I don't like it either. Oooh but it's a pudding.' But I'd still rather eat an underdone cake mixture of chocolate fondant 'cos that's a real pudding. You can just see the contestants thinking 'whatever Gregg, John liked it'

In the real world, we are going to Smith of Smithfield's for lunch tomorrow. I'll tell FFJtC what I think.

Hey, apparently FFGtDB is from Peckham. Or has that already been discussed?

[katie1997]

FFJ - "that cake tastes great, then...you smack it over the head with passion fruit".

FFG - "chopped salsa with black pudding is bordering on the ridiculous!"

Contestant - "its the salsa thats killed me again!"

Love it really...;-)

[katie1997]

Polly D Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I love these accronyms. So just watched

> yesterday's episode on catch up. Watched FFGtDB

> thinking 'hmmmm was it the orange peel that FFJtC

> said he didn't like? Was it? Was it? Oh, okay so I

> don't like it either. Oooh but it's a pudding.'

> But I'd still rather eat an underdone cake mixture

> of chocolate fondant 'cos that's a real pudding.

> You can just see the contestants thinking

> 'whatever Gregg, John liked it'

Polly D - So true!! As long as John likes it.....I agree!:))

> In the real world, we are going to Smith of

> Smithfield's for lunch tomorrow. I'll tell FFJtC

> what I think.

Shd be FAB! Enjoy...

> Hey, apparently FFGtDB is from Peckham. Or has

> that already been discussed?

Don't think so...think FFGtDB now lives in fabulous (and now trendy) Whitstable

[Vickster]

From the genius that is the Daily Mash:

masterchef upgraded to class B drug