Let's rewrite the rules of football........The Sniper Rule - Proposal # 5

[Brendan]

This is a rule hammered out by one Mister MockneyPiers and myself after much deliberation during a particularly boring FSA Trophy Finale.

The aim of the rule is to do away with stagnant, boring matches and force a result in most games without the need for penalties.

The proposal is this:

There will be a team of officials who asses the performance of each player during the game. They will decide who the 4 worst players on the pitch are at any one time. The players, ref and spectators will not know who is on the list.

There will be a military trained sniper installed in a roost in the grandstands. They will be armed with live ammunition or tranquilizer darts depending on the level of the game and the laws of the country it is being played in.

At the 75th minute the sniper will be instructed to shoot the player who is rated the worst. The same will happen at the 80th, 85th and 90th minutes.

[Loz]

If you add to that, "and immediately shoot any player faking an injury" you've got a deal.

[Brendan]

And immediately shoot any player faking an injury, faking having been shot or complaining about being shot at.

[????]

If you add "And Emile Heskey after 5 mins" , I'm in too.

[Loz]

Why wait five minutes? Get the useless sod during the national anthem, I reckon.

[Narnia]

Ah shure that would hold the game up like the anti modern technology heads would argue. All those stretchers going back and forth would interrupt the flow of the game. Wouldn't it be better to have hidden trapdoors in the pitch so they could just be gone without any fuss?

[Brendan]

Who said anything about stretchers? They will be left where they fall until full time.

[Narnia]

What about the blood on the shirt rule being compromised then?

[Brendan]

Oh that won?t matter as they are no longer in the game. Their presence on the field is just an extra challenge and little incentive to the remaining players. If they are capable they will of course be allowed to claw their way to the side lines where their manager can deal with them as they see fit.

[Mick Mac]

And which 4 players would have got the bullet on Emgland's team against Germany?

[Keef]

Poor Emille, he was one of England's best players (and I'm not saying he was good).

If you add moast of the England team to that list, I'm in.

[DJKillaQueen]

hmmm will there be funding for small sunday league teams to acquire said rifle and bullets?

Against Germany I would have given the bullet to the entire back four - with Terry first.

[Mick Mac]

Shoot Upson and Johnson once and then Terry twice.

Cashley will shoot himself in the foot sooner or later.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Maybe a garrote wire that could be raised and lowered parallel to the goal line might stop all that time-wasting off-side nonsense.

[Brendan]

DJKillaQueen Wrote:

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> hmmm will there be funding for small sunday league

> teams to acquire said rifle and bullets?

Well you know, jumpers for goal post etc.

In the case of such teams the job will be done by volunteers from the local British Legion or failing that Scout Troop, using a tranquilizer gun borrowed from the RSPCA.

The judging of who gets shot will be done by a committee from the WI as they are probably the only ones bloody minded enough for the job.

[DJKillaQueen]

lol....the WI are half my team! And we only shoot bad refs.

[????]

Mick Mac Wrote:

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> And which 4 players would have got the bullet on

> Emgland's team against Germany?

Klose, Poldoski, Muller and Neuer

[Loz]

You still would have lost on penalties, quids.