Anyone else feel like they're making a big fat mess of this??!?

[snowboarder]

Parenting, I mean. I do. Maybe just having some bad days, but it's occured to me things like bad behaviour, fussy eating etc - well - it's all my fault! Toddler throws plate on floor (actually this morning it was 2 wedding present royal doulton bowls which smashed magnificently, but hey), won't eat vegetables, throws mud in the house etc....well it's MY fault for not teaching him not to successfully. Bummer. The only success I have had is teaching him to sleep at night, and I paid someone to help me, so can't really claim that one.

I really hope no one else feels like this. But is it just me?

[Goodliz]

No it is not just you. It is all of us. Sometimes I feel like waking the kids up in the night to say I'll try and be a better mum tomorrow.

Along with lots of bad parenting things I also shout far too much. They just ignore me now!

x

[The Nappy Lady]

I nearly posted the other day to say does anyone else feel like they're not cut out for this....was after yet another 5am start and therefore grumpy mummy all day.

Sympathy from me, it's not all you, Toddlers are hard work. I think it's the hardest bit in many ways, tho haven't done teenage yet!

M

X

[Pickle]

Oh Snowboarder, you really shouldn't feel that way. So he throws food... they all do it at some point, it's normal. Smashed bowls, been there. Mud - my daughter loves to eat it (and instead of stopping her I take photos to use to embarass her at her 21st).

I've met you a few times now, and you've got an independent, gorgeous little boy who knows his own mind - and for that you should be congratulated!

Personally I have found the period from 18 months to about 2.5/3 the hardest time with both of my children. My son is out the other side and is now much easier to reason with, but daughter is well and truly in the throws of the terrible twos. Stay positive, it really does get easier.

P xx

[veryseriousgirl]

So, so often. Like when my daughter woke up for the third time last night wanting a cuddle and instead of thinking "how lovely", I thought "Oh FFS..." then an almost immediate wave of guilt and certainty that it was my fault for allowing her a dummy in bed.

[Elfy]

You also have to remember that toddlers are programmed to be difficult. They are just starting to realise that they do have a say in something and they can exercise their own free will. And they get very good at doing it!

My 2.5 year old often behaves like a 'tiny dictator'. He is full of irrational demands that can make or break his day. Must have 'crunchy' weetabix, must take his V-tech walker out with him (despite the fact he's been walking for over a year), must have grapes whole not 'ruined'...you get the picture. And they definitely behave worse for their parents because they know they can. My son is nothing like this with his nanny!

I think you may need the luxury of a few hours to yourself every once in a while. And don't feel guilty about taking it!

[charlottep]

i feel that way almost everyday with my son, i often feel that i have no control whatsoever. The naughty step used to work but now he'd rather go sit on it than pick up whatever he's thrown or apologise for his bad behaviour. He often sings twinkle twinkle little star during time out - i'm sure it's a very clever act of defiance on his part!

[citizenED]

Snowboarder, you poor thing. We have, I'm sure, all been there at some point. Food on the floor, wet beds, crayon on the wall, broken stuff! Remember this: their agenda is not your agenda. You want tidy house, things that work, set meal times, to get out the door on time, a moment of peace and quite. They want to find out stuff and sensory experience. Our task is to fit that square peg into this round hole. It's a tough call. I hope you find solace in the best moments and minor victories.

[standswithfist]

veryseriousgirl - i LOL when i read that!! My daughter did the same this morning at 330am after having woken twice and demanded she get into bed with me!! She has started the terrible twos and its SO hard. I've just started reading 'Good Mother Bad Mother' by Gina Ford on the way into work this morning in the hope that somewhere it will say I'm not doing too bad!!!

[fearnpw1]

This is a refreshing post - not that I'm pleased other people than me are having a hard time of it. Just relieved I'm not the only one not getting this parenting thing right all the time. I've got through the terrible two's......to hit the terrible three's and now we're in terrible four's. The naughty step just doesn't cut it any more. She's now hitting me and I simply don't know what to do about it. I don't know where the behaviour came from and I genuinely don't know how to react when she does it.

I'm also struggling to stop other half being the good guy all the time and buying her 'treats' every 5 mins at the weekend which means she goes crazy.

Am also pregnant with no. 2 who has decided I shouldn't sleep at night - and he's not even out yet! What have I let myself in for?!!!! I can't cope with one let alone two! And pregnancy is definitely leaving me far less capable of dealing with my little princess!

veryseriousgirl - so know what you mean!

[nunheadmum]

Every single day - particularly if I'm on my own. When I'm with my hubby I feel like I'm killing my marriage too at the same time. I've got 2 lovely girls - 2 and 4 - but feel it's more down to them than me and worry what problems I'm storing up for later in life.

I hope that in the balance I'm getting more right than wrong but I'm not sure!

[sillywoman]

Mine are now well into their teens and I definitely feel like this. In fact the feeling is getting stronger as surely by now (after 14 years of daily reminders) they should remember the basics, such as saying 'please' and 'thankyou'? And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm really beginning to see the attractions of boarding school.

There is a lovely period between about 6 and 11 I think. So hang on in there, it does get better - and then it gets worse again. How did I ever think I could raise children? (laughs hollowly).

[edanna]

I think all mums feel like this, but not all admit it. But what you are describing snowboarder is normal toddler behaviour, not any indication of your parenting skills! When my guilt millstone is getting too heavy I remember the children whose only meal in a day is their school lunch, who never get taken to the park, who start school without anyone ever having read them a story. Those are the children who are not well cared for. So my little boy might not get five portions of fruit and veg a day, he might watch a bit too much tv, he might have chronically underbrushed teeth, but he's a healthy, happy little boy. And that is good enough.

[dorothyD]

MUMS and DADS!

We all had it: broken plates, holes in speakers, fussy eating and Horrid Henrys moods! My son is now 7! Still all of it applies exept eating! We all need a little break from our beloved ones.

Belive it or not, one or two days away from family from time to time, gives you fresh and bright ideas, it comes up that your hubby is not only money supplier but full of ideas happy Dad! We have to give them a chance to know each other better.

We do need holiday! To forget all the broken wedding presents...and all that stuff!

Good luck

DD

[Moos]

What everyone else said.

And let's list what we know our friend sb has accomplished. No successes? You must be kidding. (those of you that know her personally can be of a big help here):-

- you've taken care of him his whole life, and made sure he's happy, warm and fed

- you've raised him to have confidence in himself, and to expect love

- for every time you've got annoyed with him, I'm positive there will have been dozens when you put it aside and put his needs first

there, I've started, who's got more? There will be absolutely loads.

[Mellors]

I doubt there's a mother in the world who shouts more than me (unsucessfully). Toddlers are utterly vile (I am currently ignoring a mental screaming 2 year old lying on the floor kicking her feet because she didn't get all her own way). I often pray for bedtime to come around sooner.

It does get better when they are, say 3.5ish I think, but its a loooonnnnggggg haul in the meantime.

[snowboarder]

I keep thinking I just need supernanny to come and help. But then think this surely shouldn't be that difficult....and WHY DOESN'T HE LIKE STRAWBERRIES??? What's wrong with carrot? WHY would you thrash you arms around to destroy the fireplace? What's with playing with gates the entire time at the playground, not once going on a single swing or slide?

Tsk and he's only 15m......

[Ruth_Baldock]

I feel like this on a thrice daily basis, you're not alone. This month's woe is Baby Baldock's perpetual crying from trying to walk whilst holding onto the sofa, then losing his balance, then he falls. Then the screaming comes.

I'm sure you have had those 'looks' when you push the buggy along with a crying baby in it, these are thrown my way a lot too and I find myself beating myself up all the time.

You're doing really well. You're not a bad Mum. One day you'll look back on this and laugh (or cry). lather, rinse, repeat.

[Moos]

snowboarder Wrote:

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....and WHY DOESN'T HE LIKE

> STRAWBERRIES??? What's wrong with carrot?

yeah, mine's an anti-strawberry sod as well. Hates bananas, hates raisins. Weird kid.

[EmmaCC]

Snowboarder... your last post really made me laugh as my 22 month old girl spent half an hour playing with the gates at the swings the other afternoon..It was hot, I'm pregnant (but not obviously at the moment) so I just sat on a bench and watched her! I'm sure some of the other mums were looking at me thinking that my daughter was a bit odd and I was a v lazy mummy for just sitting on a bench and watching her do it rather than encorouging her to do something more stimulating! But hey ho - whatever keeps them amused for even 10 minutes should be appreciated! x

[snowboarder]

Moos ditto bananas. But strawberries are the best treat-like fruit ever!

I was thinking I might try and give him some hot chocolate to try and get him to drink some milk. Is this super bad? He'll be on cocopops before I know it....

[Fuschia]

sillywoman Wrote:

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>

> There is a lovely period between about 6 and 11 I

> think.

OMG, 7 going on 8 is supposed to be a HIGH POINT? Now that's scary!!

[snowboarder]

Emma - we find Dulwich Park the best-est place for gate play - there you can actually do gate circuits and go in and out of gates. Goose Green is also fun as there is a danger element, you can pretend you are only interested in the little gate by the big swings, but you can at the last minute lurch towards a flying swing for a giggle....

[Fuschia]

snowboarder Wrote:

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> Emma - we find Dulwich Park the best-est place for

> gate play - there you can actually do ...go in and out of gates.

My worst nightmare!!

[fairylamb]

If he still throws mud around the house and won't eat vegetables aged 15 years not months I'd start questioning your parenting skills (although admitedly a bit late by then) :) Maybe review at age 6!