A story

[waynetta]

Ok it works like this. I start the ball rolling and people can chip in, when the sheer boredom and tediousness of their lives means that writing a part of a story on a community thread is the most exciting thing that they've got going on.

Here goes:

It was midnight on Lordship Lane. A vicious right hook had caught me just above the eye........

[DJKillaQueen]

then the axe came hard into my head and I died.

[waynetta]

At least I thought it did...but no.....I was still alive. I pulled the axe out of my head and planted it firmly in my asssailants head and then went back into the EDT to finish my pint.....

[Loz]

... alas, during the commotion some had slipped arsenic into my pint and I collapsed in a shrieking heap. And died.

[waynetta]

...Alas, dead as a dodo. But strangely I rose up out of my now dead body and suddenly realized I was now a ghost. Now I would do whatever I could to gain revenge on the people who wanted me dead. Whoever they were.....

[woofmarkthedog]

Iran...

Shot a fully loaded Warhead at the sun

The world went dark & ice covered the planet

( all this just as somebody won the W**FLotto )

Shame

W**F

[felt-tip]

small bacterium started to slowly move in the ice-covered planet and then started to multiply rapidly.

[waynetta]

...Then I woke up. What a terrible nightmare I've just had I thought. Oh well, never mind. Now let me see. What have I got to do today? Work, gym, pub..... fcuk it, forget about all that, I'll spend all day on the Eastdulwichforum with my imaginary friends.....

[RosieH]

I am Pamela Ewing.

[DJKillaQueen]

Hark, a projectile I hear?

[giggirl]

Yes, headed towards Tesco Express (friendly fire then).

[waynetta]

Tesco Express was left dessimated. A crater was now all that remained....with a few tubs of margarine strewn around. Only one man could have been responsible for such evil. The man who was made to feel like an outcast when he visited the Tesco looking for margarine.

Twirly's other half....

[MrTwirly]

all I wanted to do was bake.. not launch weapons of marge destruction!

anyway with assorted muffin ingredients he headed home before the rozzers arrived

[Twirly]

And from that crater arose, like the mythical phoenix, a brand new? Waitrose! And there was much joy and rejoicing in East Dulwich.

(But it still didn?t stock margarine?)

[karter]

mr puffy the giant marshmallow man walks slowly up ED rd, rocking gently from side to side, slips up on rosieh's ipod salad and crashes down on to Waitrose, into a mountain of goo.

[DJKillaQueen]

and suddenly all the roads of ED were resurfaced (with goo) in a flash......and James Barber rejoiced....!

[waynetta]

In fact James Barber decided to go out on the p1ss to celebrate. And as he stumbled home that night, totally trolleyed, he was set upon by a group of muggers. As he was being mugged a few people looked out of their windows, saw what was happening and took immediate decisive action.

They posted about it on the forum.

[Nero]

..not forgetting to add comments about the murderously loud and cock-crowingly early railway line screeches that had unfortunately begun once more, now that the nice station manager had been demoted to trainee departures-board input operative at the hands of his evil (and desperately unimaginative) bosses.

[Jeremy]

However, if they had been listening properly, they would have realised the the gloopy fallout from the deceased marshmallow-based humanoid had lubricated the rails to such an extent that the screeching had completely disappeared.

[karter]

poor mr puffy. what a sacrifice.

[computedshorty]

The old man in the armchair is fast asleep, sitting here I can with my teaspoon flick my smarties over at him, if I get one up his tilted nostril I score a point, if he dont wake up I get two points if he dies of choking I will get life, serves him right wasting my smarties.

[HonaloochieB]

computedshorty Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> The old man in the armchair is fast asleep,

> sitting here I can with my teaspoon flick my

> smarties over at him, if I get one up his tilted

> nostril I score a point, if he dont wake up I get

> two points if he dies of choking I will get life,

> serves him right wasting my smarties.

The same but with with Spangles.

[DJKillaQueen]

The same but with matches until the armchair catches fire!

[waynetta]

The swift action of the heroic curtain twitching EDF-posting forumites has raised the issue of muggers just in the nick of time. Unfortunately it didn't save the sozzled James Barber from a horrendous beating by his assailants. But at least all East Dulwich residents can now live safe in the knowledge that vigilant and conscientous nosey b*stards are doing all in their power to ensure that there is a healthy debate about mugging and what to do about it....

[woofmarkthedog]

Act 3

Arch villain "Lon-G John " enters stage Left:

http://www.daydreamersfancydress.co.uk/acatalog/longslongsilver.jpg "Argh,where's that baddie Ivor Biggun "

"He's behind you...."

* stage explosion & lights down *

W**F