Another thread: things partners can do to help in the weeks after birth

[Fuschia]

My top tips:

Make sandwiches and a flask before you go to work

Put some big bottles of water or squash to hand

As soon as you get back in the evening, take the baby, run the bath and offer a cup of tea or glass of wine

Send your partner to bed at 9pm and deal with the baby for as long as possible (depending on how you're feeding, if there is any milk expressed etc)

Expect tears sometimes

Have a list of useful nos to hand if bf is a problem and if necessary load mum and baby in the car and drive to a bf cafe or to kings for hands on help

[candj]

The list is endless but what I found helpful in the early days (ie, what we're currently going through!):

-after a feed, taking baby out for a walk for a few hours so I could have some me time (knowing they wouldn't be hungry for a while)

-when baby woke in the middle of the night, getting baby out of bed/cot/bassinet, changing nappy and handing baby to me for a feed, then refilling my glass of water

-making endless cups of coffee or tea and lunch as I sat camped out on the end of the sofa with baby

-forcing me out of the house for lunch or even a walk to get some fresh air and sunshine (?) for my own good

-taking the other children out of the house so I could have alone time with baby

Hope you are well Fuschia!

Edited for typo

[littleEDfamily]

Agree with you. Always. Ignore any outbursts, repeating the mantra 'it's just hormones, it's just hormones'.

[littleEDfamily]

Oh and, good advice from my hubby - if there are other siblings, take complete or as close to complete responsibility as possible for them.

[Pickle]

Agree totally with all that's been said. I would add that in the first few weeks that they're back at work after paternity leave, to do their utmost to get home as early as possible. Those early days left at home alone during the day with a tiny baby can feel like the longest days in the world, I can still remember the sense of relief I used to feel (and still feel 4 years on) when I heard Mr Pickle's key in the door.

[Saffron]

Don't even DARE tell your missus that you thought she was going to wash the dirty dishes! If you don't already have one, get a cleaner.

Order take-away and pick it up on your way home from work. Or, be prepared to cook simple dinners quickly and frequently.

Go out on Sunday morning and buy coissants and a newspaper. When you get home -- instead of flipping to the sports section and losing yourself for the next 1/2 hr -- start on the cover page and read the paper to your missus while she lays semi-comatose on the sofa.

[Moos]

Never, never repeat back the dreadful things your other half will say about or to the baby in desperate moments.

[Fuschia]

If the baby won't settle at night, take it for a drive or walk and when you get back, swear blind it slept the whole time...

[karter]

Thank you all and will keep an eye on here.

[Fuschia]

Getting up at night then staying at home all day with kids is no less tiring then getting up and going to work

[reren]

My husband has been great about getting up w son first thing in morning - especially at first i slept much better not having the baby next to me but knowing he was safely downstairs- meant i got a couple of hours of deep sleep. I found in the first few weeks it was all about the quality of the sleep rather than quantity...Even just a few hours proper sleep was a godsend

[helena handbasket]

Moos Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Never, never repeat back the dreadful things your

> other half will say about or to the baby in

> desperate moments.

Thank you so much for saying that Moos. Those sleepless nights can really bring you to your knees.

[Mellors]

I agree with the taking responsibility for the other children.

Also - learn how to do the online shopping yourself, don't just wait until the fridge is empty then say "what are we having for lunch?".

Don't try and engage us in any kind of serious conversation about politics, current affairs or the like for a while. our brains are mush, and it will only make us cry that we can barely remember our own names, let alone the name of the Shadow Under-secretary for Blah.

Understand that sometimes new mums do just cry. Lots and lots and lots. For no reason, even if we were never criers before. We do not necessarily need solutions, or are depressed and need the doctor, we just need a hug and to be told things will be ok.

Tell us we are more beautiful than ever (even though we know we are foul). Lying is not always a bad thing.

Flowers are always good, even just a cheap bunch of daffs. I got a beautifully scented bunch after No 1 which I kept in the bedroom, and at least went someway to alleviating the constand pong of poo, milk and other grossness.

Bring tea. All the time. And big bottles of water.

[Ruth_Baldock]

1) Do NOT tell random strangers commenting on the adorable newborn that he was a 'c-section because of FTP', because it will make your wife, within earshot, feel mortified and like even MORE of a failure. Keep schtum.

2) Tell overbearing family visitors when it is time to go. Firmly.

3) Do NOT say "You're doing it wrong, my Mum/Gran (WHO NEVER BREASTFED) says you should change sides every ten minutes. Instead give lots of encouragement during the tricky breastfeeding period.

4) Like 1)...it is okay to give strangers evils when they stare/point/tut at your wife breastfeeding a squirming newborn at Pret in Bluewater.

5) Get dinner in. Do not whine/b*tch/moan about awful state of the kitchen/house. WE KNOW, OKAY?!

6) Flowers and other pressies greatfully recieved.

7) Take as much time as you can off work. Freelancer? Worried about networking? TOUGH.

8) When you go back to work, come home as early as poss. Try to call in the day, to break up the monotony.

9) Don't blame your wife for everything that might happen. If the baby is jaundiced IT ISNT ANYONES FAULT.

10) Tell your wife. family and others how well she did during labour and how well she is doing now and how proud you are of her. Repeat loudly and often.

11) DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD.

12 Be nice

[Fuschia]

It's definitely worth using any management skills you may have

(Said in gentle tones to screeching harridan with hair in a crows nest) "I can see you're feeling a bit stressed...."

Every day say something nice "You wrap those stinky nappies so neatly..."

[Mellors]

Never, ever, ever complain that YOU feel a bit tired, or we may hit you.

Don't even think about going away with the lads for the weekend for, well, years really. Even a night out is pushing it.

[ryedalema]

The days, weeks, and probably months, after the birth are (sorry to say) mostly all about the mum and little one. Your illnesses will get short shrift - cos we need to mend and nourish a young'un!

My OH suffered from a chronic earache minutes after I gave birth to our second, meaning that he was pretty much useless. I was not impressed! Call me mean-spirited but I wanted to be put first... just this once!!

[Ruth_Baldock]

Equally, PRE birth, do not sod off for a 'lost weekend' with your best laddy friend when your partner is 38+2. Do not come back complaining of a hangover.

Agree with Mellors. YOU think you're tired? Do bugger off.