From two to three.....

[ljs]

Well my husband has now decided that he would love us to have another baby !!???!!! ARRGGHHH !! I really thought that we were done at 2 !!

We had our two children quite close together with only a 15mth gap between them. Our youngest is turning 2 in May.

We are also moving to Sth Derbyshire in 10 days and I think my husband just thinks new house, with a lot more room = time for another baby....

At first I was absolutely set against the idea, but now I'm just confused !!!! I'm really happy with our lovely two, but now I've got myself thinking maybe just one more ??????

Will it really be that much harder from 2 to 3 ???

[sillywoman]

Oooh 2 to 3 was lovely for me. It was my favourite transition. Number 3 was a doddle, mainly cos I 'knew it all' (or so I thought!), but whatever I did, or didn't know I wasn't stressed and anxious like I was with the first two (close age gap also - 17 months). With hindsight I enjoyed baby 3 hugely beacuse with baby 1, well she was my first & it was stressful in the way that first babies are. Baby 2, well I really had 2 babies didn't I? so though it was OK it was sheer bloody hard work for a year or two. Baby 3 came when baby 2 was nearly 3 - so 1&2 were at school/nursery and I had time to really enjoy him. So the advice from my perspective is; go for it - if you want to. There are two people making this decision of course.

[ljs]

Thank you sillywoman....Makes great sense to me... Was also thinking that if we "got on with it" by the time no 3 arrives both 1 and 2 would be at nursery for some of the time... Hmmmm, food for thought.

[candj]

I've just had my third and agree that I'm definitely more chilled. My two older ones are in school so it does make it easier although the mornings are chaotic and the afternoons from about 3.30 until bedtime is also manic, but we love it. Car-wise it is a bit of a logistical challenge (must reply to Mellor's other thread about 3 car seats ...), but my husband went out and purchased a new car as a result. The transition for me was much harder from one to two children as my eldest was only 2 1/2 when her little sister came and I found it exhausting to have a newborn with a toddler no matter how much help I had (nanny, housekeeper, husband!).

Go for it! And best of luck.

[ljs]

I'll show this to my husband later and he'll be ecstatic !!!!

Although we have over the past six months sold/given away every last bit of 'BABY" parapheralia that we still had hanging around !!

[sillywoman]

Even better, an excuse for a shopping trip :))

[Ruth_Baldock]

I agree, SW, baby shopping is the best kind. Am obsessed. The staff at John Lewis Baby Stuff know me well, how sad.

I am only on my second (or will be in 5 months time) but remember Ma saying that going from 0-1 was a huge shock, 1-2 was difficult but by no means impossible and she knew a lot of it already- it was hard because she had a child to sort out and a newborn to look after. She said 2-3 was a doddle, and was a bit 'oh, do I have a newborn? I hardly noticed'. When she went into labour with Baby 3 she said 'Oh, the contractions are quite frequent now. I suppose I had better go to the hospital then...'. Going from 3-4 was easy peasy for her, but she stopped there.

[Fuschia]

I am on third in a sense as no 2 was twins, if you get me.. twins were 2.5 when new baby came. I have found this baby (once he started feeding!) the easiest and most pleasurable.

But logistics is an issue, going anywhere esp alone is hard, if they're ill it's hard, if they have to go to hospital it's impossible. People don't tend to invite you round... family tickets are always 2+2...

[minder]

Holidays also 2 + 2 (but only realise that as they get older). I have three and would have had another child if I hadn't had a pulmonary embolism with last one, but I'm older and wiser now and am content with my lot!

[ljs]

Thank you for your replies.... I think I'm decided on ONE more... Off to the doctors today to remove the coil so we'll just see how things go. Although my app isn't until this afternoon so I still have time to change my mind !! Eeekkk !

[Smiler]

Would love to have three (have two), but don't think is an option for us 'cos of fertility issues.

Reckon working (even part-time) is pretty hard with three in the early years. Know several people who have just had their third and, while loving it, are having to give up their (part-time) jobs 'cos the childcare is just too difficult/costly, especially when one or more is at school, the other(s)toddlers / babies. My cousin had her kids in her twenties and had 7 years out, and has now returned to work (when her youngest was 2 1/2 she started going demented at home and husband was throwing his weight about a bit, being the sole breadwinner). She was unable to get a job doing what she did before so did a PGCE and is now working again (full-time though as no part-time jobs were available for new teachers in her area).

Is it only an option for those who decide to be a stay-at-home mum or is this a misconception?

[meakit]

Ive got 3 - 2.5, 4 and 5 and its hard. Totally agree that the arrival of number 3 was no problem at all, easy birth, easy breastfeeding, all that lovely sleeping they do (I could do all that again in a moment!!).

But now that they are toddlers/school age life is very very hard and more exhausting than ever. Getting around is difficult (1 scooter, 1 pushchair, 1 walking), any 2 together is fine but 3 together and they fight, I havnt had 1-on-1 time with any of them for about 2 years, my husband and I never have a day off or even a lie in (which means we sometimes fight!!), holidays are hellishly expensive (have to hire a massive car), childcare costs are astronomical and we found it very hard to find a nanny - several just point blank refused to look after 3. My husband and I both have to work full time (he 8-6, me 9-9) to afford this crazy life. So Ive got 3 children but I only ever see them at weekends and for 1 hour in the mornings.

Hummmmmm! Love them all madly though and wouldnt be without them.

[Sanne Panne]

Meakit, a good friend of mine wrote me an email last year saying almost exactly the same thing. Things went so well with #1 and #2 that she wanted one more and he's a darling, absolutely amazing kid (now 2.5) but her life has become much more difficult in many ways. She had to take her kids out of their private English school (mum is Hungarian, they live in Budapest but dad is English so they liked the idea of the English school - not for poshness but for bilingualism), rent out part of their house and so on. All totally worth it of course as it's "only money" but they have struggled a lot. What they found harder was the middle child not adapting very well and showing what could be middle child syndrome although you never know if the same behavioural issues would have come up if the little brother had not arrived.

Sometimes I almost want a third child as well and sometimes I think about my Hungarian friend and fear that I may resent my life if it becomes THAT dominated by kids. You'll always love all your children equally much and it must be true that you never regret having another child whereas you may regret not having one... so I would say "go for it" if you instinctively like the idea and "think it over a few more times" if your heart doesn't immediately say yes.

[katgod]

One to two much harder than two to three. Depends on gap tho, 2 was 3.5 when new baby arrived, has been a much nicer maternity leave than it was second time around

Big ones are lovely to new baby, no jealousy, lots of love, can see there may be logistical issues when they are bigger, but overall I wld say do it, I thought I was done with 2, but with hindsight, now I have the total 'done' feeling, I know I wasn't done at all.

[Pasta]

I would love 3, have 2 (18 months apart) but due to stint abroad for a year with husband's work and my son (2nd) going through tough 2's and 3's (will it ever end!) i didn't feel it was the right time. Now my son is 4 and my daughter 5 1/2 and i wonder if i've left it too late! Some say it's great if they're at school then you have baby all to yourself but then who knows if the gap will be too much.Although when they're in their 20's it will seem like nothing im sure. I agree with not having that done feeling, just go with your gut, weigh out the options, talk it through lots and also another factor is if you have any help or can afford it. Neither my husband or I have family in this country so it can be difficult. We've not had a night alone in 5 1/2 years but at least we have a nice babysitter and can go out in the eve which is something

[Fuschia]

Pasta Wrote:

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>> Now my son is 4 and my daughter 5 1/2 and i

> wonder if i've left it too late! Some say it's

> great if they're at school then you have baby all

> to yourself but then who knows if the gap will be

> too much.

First child was 5 when the twins came.. I think it is actually a GOOD gap. 2.5 years now between the twins and the latest, and it's much harder work

[candj]

It's never too late - I know someone with two children and an eleven year age gap!

[????]

In our experience, family baby sitters, especially for nights/WE start to run thin when you move from 2-3

[Mrs TP]

I was undecided re a 3rd and so decided to spend a year not worrying about it and think about it later although time was running short. The first six months were ok but then I started thinking about yes/no every day and by 10mths into the year I was set on yes. She will be 2 next week and it is fab. I think the fact you are considering it is heading towards a yes but if you can take a little time and don't rush into the decision. I noticed that most older people who commented on the number of children they had regretted not having more but nobody regretted the ones they had.

[darlin']

Lots of people have said anything after 2 is easy! At the moment I can't quite imagine it myself.

I found the transition from 1-2 much harder than 0-1 for some reason!

[ljs]

I've been reading all of your comments and I appreciate you all taking the time to write about your own personal experiences.... I seem to be swaying from a definite yes, to a maybe, or a definite no each day !!! I can see ourselves just getting on with our two children at the mo, but then again I think how lovely it would be for our oldest daughter to remember having a baby around as she was only 15mths when our little boy was born and I know she would just adore a litlle baby in the house.

I guess now that we are moving and will actually have our families very close by is slightly making me think yes more than no . I think I've done the hardest job of 0 to 1 then 1 to 2 with no family help at all......

I also have it in my head that if we do go for number 3 then ideally I'd really like to have the baby in this year as the following year I am turning 40 and I think that in it's self is enough to cope with !!!!!

[candj]

ljs Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

>

> I also have it in my head that if we do go for

> number 3 then ideally I'd really like to have the

> baby in this year as the following year I am

> turning 40 and I think that in it's self is enough

> to cope with !!!!!

It certainly is as I've had no. 3 at 41!!! Good luck to you and your family.

[The Nappy Lady]

I had a 7 month old when I turned 40 - at least it meant I had no time & was too tired to care!!!

I only have two but the 4.25 year age gap has been brilliant so far - youngest now 2.25 years old.

I'm done, but very happy when I get to cuddle other peoples babies!

[prdarling]

Would love to go from 2-3 for same reasons as lots of people above. Mine were 18 months apart so no awareness of having a baby in the house, which I think they would both love. I have two boys and I think a third child would totally hang the dynamic which at the moment is largely about competition and fighting. Maybee I'm fooling myself, but I really think a new baby would make them more considerate, less rowdy etc...there would be a different focus in the house. They are both so gentle and sweet with friends' babies it brings a tear to my eye.

Simple fact is I cannot afford to stop working. Have recently moved house and couldn't possibly take much longer than 4 months maternity and then we'd be crippled by additional childcare costs. So depressing to have to consider money in the equation, but short of a lottery win, the numbers just won't add up

Very much envy all of you with 3+ kids and would love to know your secret!

[Moos]

So interesting to read of everyone's experiences and perspectives. Can anyone offer the perspective of what it's lime to be one of three, though?