Inattentive Nanny - East Dulwich Area?

[BScarr]

As a mother, I know that children have tantrums ALL the time and normally I feel for the parents when I witness such scenes.

However, in this instance it was clear that the child was very distressed and had absolutely no connection to the nanny. My purpose in posting this to let the parents know to check in with the child if everything is ok. I am not trying to point fingers.

The nanny appeared very inattentive of a 3.5/4yr old girl. I saw them on 3 x occasions walking around Northcross Road, Lordship Lane & then Goose Green play ground.

The girl was extremely distressed and seemed fearful of nanny. Another group of parents commented on the way the nanny spoke to the child when they walked passed her. Nanny seemed stone faced and glued to her phone.

I then bumped into them in Goose Green park and the girl was crying in a corner, almost inconsolable. The nanny was on opposite side of park completely ignoring child on her phone. It is hard to ignore a sobbing child in any park and as I had already seen them around the area I glanced around to look for the nanny.

I went over to ask if the girl was ok and where her mummy was, but she was too shy to talk. The nanny then suddenly appeared. The nanny made no effort to console child or reach out to her. I did make a comment to the nanny about ignoring the child and her response was that the child is 'like this all the time'. I suggested that she needed to put her phone away and focus on the child. So, she sat next to her arms crossed, but still completely ignoring her.

The nanny clearly knew she was in the wrong. For the rest of the time I was in the park, she followed the child and did not have her phone out. But there was almost no interaction between the two.

I have debated about posting this, but if my own children were ever in this position I would dismiss the nanny immediately. It wasn't that there was outward signs of abuse but it was the emotional wellbeing of the child I was concerned for. I am aware that I do not know the 'whole' story and perhaps there are other factors involved to explain away the behaviour/attitude.

BUT I bumped into this nanny on 3 separate occasions in one day and in every single one the child was distressed. So much so that other parents were commenting on it. This to me is alarm bells.

Girl was about 3.5/4yr, not school age but older than most kids in park. She had dark shoulder length hair. Very pretty and riding a bike.

If you want further information on the nanny etc. please PM

[rendelharris]

BScarr Wrote:

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> I have debated about posting this, but if my own

> children were ever in this position I would

> dismiss the nanny immediately. It wasn't that

> there was outward signs of abuse but it was the

> emotional wellbeing of the child I was concerned

> for.

Think you've done absolutely the right thing, I'd want to know if it was my child. EDF being what it is you may well get some people saying "well what if the child is like that all the time and it's not the nanny's fault" - if that's the case the parents will know that as well, won't they? Good for you for intervening and for taking the time to post, in my opinion.

[Alan Medic]

Might be better to post it in the Family section though.

[Nigello]

Good for intervening, but bad for the detailed description. I would have asked anyone who could legitimately show a connection to a much vaguer description to get in touch with a view to sharing more information. It is just too dangerous to go pinpointing people like this/ Who's to say someone won't see her, pap her, then post it all over social media with the information gleaned here as a caption?

[rendelharris]

Fair point.

[BScarr]

Thank you for you point, I have edited the message to remove personal details.

[Tuckshop]

I think this post is a little harsh as you clearly don't know everything that's gone/going on. Or how the child's parents have asked/told the nanny to behave if and where there child maybe miss behaving or what ever. I could be wrong and this could have just been a sad case of a nanny not doing her job well, but in my eyes unless you have all the facts I think it's a little harsh to start pointing fingers. And wile you where doing all this who was watching your child/children/charg? How would you feel if someone then wrote a post about an interfering mother who wasn't watching her own children, wile worrying about someone else's. Did you ask the nanny if she was ok, if she maybe needed some help anything. Please people don't just assume the worst from what you see. :-)

[rendelharris]

I think you rather prove the point of what I said above: if the parents have told the nanny to behave in this way, or the child has incorrigible behaviour problems, then no harm done, they know the nanny's behaving as they wish. If not then the OP has done them a signal service in alerting them to this behaviour. As for suggesting that the OP was neglecting her own child while looking out for someone else's, don't be silly.

[Tuckshop]

But I didn't say she was neglecting her own child did I... I just said where was her child while she was watching/talking to the other child and nanny. So I'm not being silly at all I was just making a comment like everyone else has... but it's all right for this post to be titled Neglectful nanny!!! When they don't have all the facts! But for me to Just pass my comment it's not on and it's been turned into me saying the mother neglected her own child! Now you don't be silly! There is far to much hate going on in this world for people to be pointing fingers/making post about other people they Don't know much about! We are meant to be supposrting each other, helping one another. Again I'm not saying this post is all rubbish and she could have been "neglecting the child" but I would never write something like this Esp with that heading unless I was 100%on everything! And even then I don't think I'd write about it for everyone to see, I would have tried to go about it another way. Again just my views.

[KidKruger]

Tuckshop - that's the 'beauty' of internet forums though isn't it, posters can just drop an anonymous 'accusation bomb' and sit back and admire their work, with no-one to answer to.

[theboycj]

I think the OP has done the right thing, visible neglect to a child should be reported somehow.. the forum has a large audience therefore has the best chance of reaching the parents here. Don't think there is another way in which to realistically go about it other than to take the nanny's details on the spot (not realistic).

[rendelharris]

To be fair to the OP, she is specifically willing to answer to someone and offering to provide further information. It's clearly something which has worried her and which she felt it worth both taking action on at the time and to share information about. You may think it's none of her business, or that she should have gone about things in a different way, but accusing her of just chucking accusations around for the hell of it is unfair, her heart is clearly in the right place and she's acting as she thinks best.

[bsand]

Nanny problems in East Dulwich - we are nearing peak parody now. I'm betting on Lewis Schaffer trolling the forum.

[tomskip]

So Mr LS would be joining you in the trolling then? Do you not believe that child carers can be incompetent and neglectful or something? Or should people not care because ... well ... because there are lots of kids in East Dulwich?

[Robert Poste's Child]

It's not clear from the post how you knew it was a nanny rather than the child's mother or another relative - perhaps that was in what you deleted since - but if so then you could argue there's a safeguarding issue, in which case it's definitely appropriate to say something. It sounds very distressing for the child.

[BScarr]

To those that asked, the carer was very young and did not appear to be a 'parent' from my perspective. When I spoke to the carer, she confirmed this and told me she was the nanny.

[bsand]

To my untutored eye the problem seems to be more the parents rather than the nanny. And who knows why the child is distressed I would hazard a guess not spending quality time with their parents rather some fairly random hired help could be at the root of it. And since the child is not suffering any sort of actionable abuse I would be hugely reluctant to get involved with the domestic situation here. Boarding school is pretty much child abuse in my book but good luck with trying to change that for our moneyed classes - my gut instinct is what you have outlined probably has elements of that.

[ozzy]

I personally think the OP did the right thing , I would want to know if this was my child and if more people stepped in rather than turning a blind eye then maybe the word would be a nicer place , Well done you !

[Sue]

ozzy Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I personally think the OP did the right thing , I

> would want to know f this was my child and id more

> people stepped in rather than turning a blind eye

> then maybe the word would be a nicer place , Well

> done you !

I absolutely agree.

[Fra81]

bsand Wrote:

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> To my untutored eye the problem seems to be more

> the parents rather than the nanny. And who knows

> why the child is distressed I would hazard a guess

> not spending quality time with their parents

> rather some fairly random hired help could be at

> the root of it.

You're right. Mum and dad should quit their jobs and live off air and fairies, so that they can spend quality time with their offsprings. Or maybe they shouldn't have had a child in the first place. It's 2017, parents go to work and children need childcare.

Thanks for the post OP, I wouldn definitely want to know!

[Monkey]

Fra81 Wrote:

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> bsand Wrote

>

> You're right. Mum and dad should quit their jobs

> and live off air and fairies, so that they can

> spend quality time with their offsprings. Or maybe

> they shouldn't have had a child in the first

> place. It's 2017, parents go to work and children

> need childcare.

>

> Thanks for the post OP, I would definitely want

> to know!

Spot on.

[binkylilyput]

Thank you to the OP for caring enough to keep an eye on the child, speak to the nanny directly, thinking it over, taking the time to post about it (in order to hopefully alert parents who may be otherwise unaware)and also responding to helpful suggestions such as removing specific detail.

This is an example of being part of a community within the modern world. We see so many posts harping on about the old days (whether it be to slag off new shops or criticise mothers with their buggies)and here is a post that demonstrates how to be mindful and look after our community's children.

If more people were nosy about a child's wellbeing.......

[yeknomyeknom]

Agree. Well done for being brave and risking the wrath of the forum. You did the right thing.

Sue Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> ozzy Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > I personally think the OP did the right thing ,

> I

> > would want to know f this was my child and id

> more

> > people stepped in rather than turning a blind

> eye

> > then maybe the word would be a nicer place ,

> Well

> > done you !

>

>

>

> I absolutely agree.

[uncleglen]

Yep, to quote 'it takes a whole village to raise a child'

[bsand]

Worry no more - 24 hour surveillance for peace of mind.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X64BxEWEshw