help - another toddler sleep thread

[nikki73]

My 17 month old wakes most nights at some point between 2 and 4 am and screams for 2+ hours.we've tried co sleeping, doesn't work she just wants to play.we've tried cc:not working.in fact it seems to have made things worse as she now seems genuinely panicked. I don't know what is causing this or what to do.I know that at times her teeth are bothering her but we've been going through this ror months now.I work full time and,am expecting.I was up from 2, to6last night....not sure I can keep going much longer.could it be separation anxiety - she relaxes when we are with her - and if so what am I supposed to do about it?

[Fuschia]

How does the cosleeping not work? Tried putting a small bed for her near yours, or a futon in her room for your partner toleep on, something like that? Does she scream if you are actually with her?

[alieh]

We had the same, usually related to teeth. There were lots of them around that age. He doesn't settle well in our bed either so we had a little mattress and sleeping bag in his room and would sleep in there during bad patches. We seemed to be able to avoid those prolonged awake periods by doing this because we could settle him much quicker as soon as he stirred. We never really had to sleep with him for more than a few nights at a time, but if yours is a more long term problem you could do a sort of gradual withdrawal approach over time. If you suspect teeth you could try some ibuprofen at bedtime one night to see if that gets a better night. At least then you would know that teeth are the underlying problem and that it will pass!

[nikki73]

As soon as she's in our bed she''ll get really excited and want to play which was why'll I decided to try cc as I thought she was trying to have things her way.but seeing how upset she's been lately I might give co sleeping another try. Last night we took.it in turns to stay with her in her room and she did calm down immediately so maybe worth trying that for a bit too.alieh, I have tried ibuprofen and it did work sometimes but my concern is that it's an ongoing problem so I am worried about overmedicating and medication becoming part of her routine.

[Belle]

My son is v similar - co-sleeping doesn't work for us at all either, and results in everyone being wide awake and either wanting to party (him) or in a really bad mood (us). We've never tried Alieh's method but I suspect it's what would work for our son (and so hopefully for you) - instead we've muddled through with gradual retreat/sitting in with him till he's asleep or quieter, or the worst - which is having him in with us, then back, then in again, then back, until finally he sort of exhausts himself and does sleep in his cot eventually, usually after 5 mins or so complaining. Agree cc doesn't seem to work in this instance - perhaps because it's the middle of the night so they are craving security more, who knows. We never figured out the cause but suspect combination of teeth and separation anxiety - becoming more aware of surroundings, perhaps starting to have the odd bad dream too? Sorry not to have more answers, but at least I can say you're not alone!

[nikki73]

Thanks Belle really helpful to know you seem to have identified the same causes as me. I was just worried I was missing something out altogether. And sorry to hear you are going through the same thing as us. It's truly exhausting. I keep thinking it'll pass... eventually!

[supergolden88]

baby on sling so cant type much

recommend this book

Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems

I bellieve in your case a very gradual approach would be best (you sleep with them or in same room initially)

the book is brilliant and very practicl. Not all of it is about controlled crying which is what the author is known for (wrongly in my opinion).

[livebait]

Nikki - how did you get on in the end? I am also having very simialr problems with 18 month old who until the last few weeks, slept wonderfully from 7.30 - 6ish. We have had a lot of teeth coming through so I put it down to that to start with but now I think that waking up at 2/ish 4/ish every night has become the norm for him. Not for me... I am about to start the CC method of checking up on him every 5/10/15/20 minutes etc but it is awful to hear him wailing and I also feel bad that i have got him into the routine in the first place by placating him in the middle of the night (and then bringing him into our bed). Bambino no 2 on its way in August and I am worried about all of us never having any sleep (for toddler's and my own sanity). Will hunt out that book, thanks.

[nikki73]

hi livebait.

First i should say thanks to supergolden88: only just found her post today, sorry!

we're not getting anywhere am afraid Livebait! Still a nightmare but I guess I am not a very nice mum: don't feel bad for her at all. Only really sorry for us! Like you I am expecting and I work pretty much full time so I am petrified that we won't get this sorted before the baby arrives. I personally think my daughter is taking us for one big ride but like you teething has been an issue and we make excuses and then the bad habits start again. So my next plan after having tried CC, co sleeping and the gradual approach is trying to wake her up before she does, only slightly, to see if it could have something to do with her sleep pattern, and getting one of those sleep training clocks which i know she is young for. next step will be me moving out...

i hope you have more luck than us. it's really really difficult living on little sleep.

n

[supergolden88]

I have been reading the book again and I really think it would help you both. With older children sometimes CC is not the way to go depending on the sleep issues. If night terrors or anxiety etc is the cause the book recommends much gentler methods of gradual retreat which take longer than CC.

CC is also sometimes very awful inititally with toddlers because they are very determined and can scream for hours. You really have to stick to it.

[nikki73]

hi supergolden! I tend to agree. That's why we gave up on cc. my daughter looked really freaked out one night and i just wonder whether separation anxiety didnt first manifest itself at night. it's now happening during the day too and we have the pleasure of full blown tantrums so i think the sleep issue might just be linked to "a challenging developmental issue".which hopefully will pass before we go mad. will check out the book. thanks for the tip

[vez]

Not sure if this is of any use to you as I can only talk about my experience with my now nearly 1 year old. Have you looked at naps? We have had long awake periods (and still sometimes have) and found that reducing day-time sleep can make a difference.

[livebait]

day 1 of the cc regime and many tears and hot sweats have been had (not by me though). Same as you nikki - I work 4 days a weeks so have opted for this weekend to try and crack it. First nap at lunchtime took 1 hour - this evening's sleep took 40 minutes, which I think is quite good, and bless him he fell asleep standing up. He also looks at me in bewilderment when I go in and just put him on his back and walk out - not what he has become used to over the last few weeks at all. But for the sake of my sanity and sleep and general personality, I hope it works. I also agree with the naps thing - he is at nursery and recently reports home have stated he has a THREE hour nap at lunchtime... no wonder he can't sleep later. Will let you know how we get on ....

[livebait]

deleted....