Rapture

[StraferJack]

Everyone all set?

It's this Saturday after all..

it's what credit cards were invented for!

[mockney piers]

I'm not scared as long as it can't figure out how to open doors.

[huncamunca]

fucking nutters.

If you want a grim read, try The Last Crusade by Barbara Victor - sorts of puts this US based Evangelical shite into perspective

[elloriac]

http://xkcd.com/

[mockney piers]

Does US based Evangelical shite actually need putting into perspective?

In all fairness it's not exclusive to them is it, eschatology seems to be a pretty recurring theme in history/humanity.

I think it's something to do with wanting to feel significant.

That some cosmological epoch will happen in your lifetime, because otherwise you die, the world carries on, forgets about you and you didn't matter after all.

You really were just a cosmic accident, a brief flurry of atoms behaving in an unusual fashion before it all breaks down to baser components and you're shat out by a worm.

Just saying like.

[Loz]

The rapture is just the taking to heaven of the chosen few. So if you are a committed Christian, it's bye bye. For the rest...

http://www.barterbooks.co.uk/catalog/images/books/kcmug.jpg

[Frankito]

Is there a specific time limit on recent converts he says whilst rumaging through Granny's heirloom box for those ivory rosary beads and that must-have cross...

[huncamunca]

The Rapture Idiots pray for a final global conflict, so Jebus can come and battle Satan. This obviously means that we all die, but the Evanglists get fast tracked to heaven, whereas non Evangelicals go to hell to eat turds all day be be poked in the arse by pitchfork wielding devils for all eternity.

If L Ron had written this toss, we could have laughed it off - the fact that potentially the most important religious lobby group in the world believes this is rather scary.

Not just nutters, but sadistic selfish nutters

[Annette Curtain]

If everything goes as Oakland minister Harold Camping predicts, the Bay Area will suffer a world-ending earthquake around 6 p.m. Saturday, God-fearing Christians will ascend to heaven and everyone else is in big trouble for eternity.

Nice, no work Monday then.

(tu)

[ratty]

I think we have to wait another 5 months for the end of the world though, which is happening on October 21st. That's my birthday which is a bit inconvenient!

As I understand it we have 5 months of turmoil with all us sinners left in anguish, then we all kark it! Something like that anyway!

[Brendan]

I thought the world ended in 2004.

[Loz]

Annette Curtain Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> If everything goes as Oakland minister Harold

> Camping predicts, the Bay Area will suffer a

> world-ending earthquake around 6 p.m. Saturday,

It's like a Hollywood movie rule - every modern major event involving nature, aliens and religion must happen in the US.

[Guest]

I'm guessing Stephen Hawking's name isn't on the list of those who are due to be lifted bodily yea unto the right hand of the Lord then.

Personally I shall be on or near the Golden Hinde.

[Frankito]

Isn't organised religion just great...!

[maxxi]

Why couldn't they have waited a week and had it on the bank holiday?

Not bad enough that these 'executed-beardy-man' worshippers plonked religious days all over the shop thus spoiling yuletide, summer and autumn solstices AND the annual Easter (a.k.a. Ostare, Ostara, Ostern, Eostra, Eostre, Eostur, Eastra, Eastur, Austron and Ausos)piss up, but now they start inventing new ones!

This is quite apart from the fact that May 21st is the start of the month of the Elk for our native American brothers and also the day on which the ancient Roman God Vediovis should receive tribute - though where I am going to find a female goat with all this rapture nonsense going on beats me.

Grrrr, bloody Christians.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

maaxi, I think you need the thread on Surrey Docks Farm.

I can't do The Rapture this Saturday, I'm working.

[Loz]

I'll be in Derby. So hell is is then.

[StraferJack]

remember that if people want to believe made-up fairytales, we have to respect that right.

And their feelings when they catch us making fun of them

[maxxi]

StraferJack Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> remember that if people want to believe made-up

> fairytales, we have to respect that right.

>

> And their feelings when they catch us making fun

> of them

They're christians so we'll just ask them to forgive us (Bill Hicks 1992)

[Annette Curtain]

I shall of course be wearing one of these.

http://images5.cpcache.com/nocache/product/17207385v2147483647_480x480_Front_Color-Green.jpg

On my way to heaven/hell.

(tu)

[Salsaboy]

I blame the tooth fairy.

[huncamunca]

I think I should enlist to be saved. just hedging me bets like. dont have much time - whats the best way to do this?

[huncamunca]

heres the maths behind this rapture date

1. The number 5 equals ?atonement?, the number 10 equals ?completeness?, and the number 17 equals ?heaven?.

2. Christ hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.

3. If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar year), the result is 722,449.

4. The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.

5. 51 + 722,449 = 722,500.

6. (5 ? 10 ? 17)2 or (atonement ? completeness ? heaven)2 also equals 722,500.

so there, its PROVEN

[maxxi]

huncamunca Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I think I should enlist to be saved. just hedging

> me bets like. dont have much time - whats the best

> way to do this?

You're in the wrong thread

[MrBen]

On an early plane to Scotland where by 3pm I'll be up to my waist in the glorious upper Tweed fly fishing for trout with my Dad. Just like old times. Which is WEIRD as this is also how I'd choose to spend my last day on earth....