Marriage tips please?

[kyoto]

I got engaged this weekend :-)

I'm extremely happy as I'm very much in love, just wanted advice about marriage/married life (I am 25 and my fiance is 23)... Tips on how to make a marriage work etc

Many thanks!

[womanofdulwich]

How lovely. Congratulations.

1.Look at each others parents - you particularly look at his Dad and he particularly look at your Mum. It may be really helpful in the future so you understand where he is coming from and what his model of a marraige is ( I expect you have done this already).

2. Dont take each other for granted.

There are loads of others- but when I look at friends who have divorced these are the 2 things I think of. ( apart from Infidelity which is a big one)

[sillywoman]

Things I've found helpful:

Patience, tolerance & a very very good shared sense of humor.

Time out when you have a blazing row (we find our optimum tim to be about 4-6 hours)- it gives perspective!

The absolute knowledge that you're both in it for the long run.

Showing your appreciation for each other in small, and occasionally big, ways.

Congratulations :))

SW

[Otta]

Talk to each other, and don't assume he knows what you're thinking. (I'm a bloke, we are rubbish at mind reading).

Congrats.

[uptime]

Congratulations! In addition to the above: Decide whose career takes priority. Not only may this determine where and how you live, but it also makes it easier to decide who has to take the day off work when you have a childcare crisis!

[pebbles]

Regular date nights - especially if you have children. No matter how busy and how poor we are/feel we always have a fortnightly date night.

[Monkey]

Talk through problems as they arise and don't let things fester.

[womanofdulwich]

GOOd one Monkey.:)

[Otta]

Monkey Wrote:

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> Talk through problems as they arise and don't let

> things fester.

Indeed!

[QueenMab]

Being in love is merely a hormonal event and is fleeting. Once that wears off, see what you're left with. Hopefully you will have shared interests and values. Try to cultivate those, whilst both having your own things that you dO apart from each other.

But really, does anyone ever act on advice from others in matters of the heart?

[Kimmy1080]

Communication and Compromise!

[kyoto]

Thanks for the tips guys!

[Otta]

Being in love is merely a hormonal event and is fleeting. Once that wears off, see what you're left with.

You old romantic you!

[Ruth_Baldock]

Since being married, I have had to give up on my all time favourite pastime of Grudge Holding. Most upsetting, but it doesn't really help anyone, seething and grudge holding against your OH.

The only thing that has kept me and Whasshisname afloat is total and complete honesty, about everything: finances, mental health, everything.

[wee quinnie]

Congratulations Kyoto!

One golden rule that I have found (and this is just not for couples)....if one of you is upset by the behaviour of your line manager (for example, or any other person really), the other person should not stick up for the person that is being slagged off!

[zeban]

Yes wee quinnie, soooo true!

[bluesuperted]

QueenMab - that's a sad statement!!

*Falling* in love is transient I suppose, but I am still very much 'in love' with my husband after 12.5 years together.

Good luck OP - I think both of you prioritising each other (and then later, your family) above all other commitments is key.

[VanessaPMR]

Oh, two pearls I've picked up along the way:

1. Treat your partner as your most treasured possession, its so easy to loose sight of your love in the busyness of life.

2. Love is something you do, don't go chasing the emotion, do something loving. The actions create the feeling.

Good luck and congrats!

[Ramble66]

womanofdulwich Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> How lovely. Congratulations.

> 1.Look at each others parents - you particularly

> look at his Dad and he particularly look at your

> Mum. It may be really helpful in the future so you

> understand where he is coming from and what his

> model of a marraige is ( I expect you have done

> this already).

> 2. Dont take each other for granted.

> There are loads of others- but when I look at

> friends who have divorced these are the 2 things I

> think of. ( apart from Infidelity which is a big

> one)

Errrrm my DH father ran off with another man!!! That best not be my husbands model of a marriage!

My tips:-

1 - Regularly tell each other or show each other than you love them.

2- Treat each other with respect and don't undermine each others opinions and decisions.

3 - Communication.

4 - Date night!

5 - Have a hug when you see each other at the end of the day.

Congratulations?

[Chippy Minton]

if one of you is upset by the behaviour of your line manager (for example, or any other person really), the other person should not stick up for the person that is being slagged off!

Mrs Minton is my line manager...and my finance manager...and my entertainments manager. ;-)

[tiddles]

not wildly romantic, but be nice to each other!! a smile, a laugh and a bit of consideration is so much nicer than a growl and a sulk. Also, don't begrudge each other your nights out with the old mates - hangovers included!!

best of luck and have fun

[cuppa tea]

Each of the little moments of how you treat each other add up over the years to create the relationship you have in the future. Start the day with a clean slate. Don't part on an argument. Share jokes. Know how to keep yourself happy and independent. Be flexible and able to change. And take none of it for granted.

[tim hill]

its shit

[Pugwash]

It is essential to keep your own identity - doing things you enjoy on own or with friends,likewise let him do same.

Equally important to do things together. Kids can drive you apart - check out if you have the same child rearing values,

important for kids to have consistant parents,

Do not be too dependent on each other - if something happens to one of you, the other still has to survive. Equal sharing of tasks - my hubby enjoys ironing, I hate it, he makes a better shepherds pie than me, I cook a better soup,

Both of us dislike spending money unncessarily - we judge and weigh up what we really need. Try not to live off credit.

Must have and retain a sense of humour - it's got us through almost 30 years. No matter how much I may dislike him at times, I could not imagine spending my life with someone else. Easy to love someone but harder still to keep that love constant - accept at times you both may have made a mistake in marrying each other, but generally you end up thinking, do I really want someone else! Think of divorce as the last resort when things get tough, not the first thought, better to work it through.

[Yak]

Totally agree about keeping up your separate lives and identities - otherwise you end up living in each others pockets. And also a healthy sense of humour and an ability to keep things in perspective.

It is a bit pop-phsycology, but I loved "Why men don't listen and women can't read maps" for a bit of lighthearted look at the differences between men and women. We also did some questionnaires (not about compatibility but more about how much you knew about each others' outlook on life) which were really revealing and useful. Basically anything that means you communicate about your attitudes and expectations is a good idea.

Also date nights an absolute must!