Jump to content

Recommended Posts

How lovely. Congratulations.

1.Look at each others parents - you particularly look at his Dad and he particularly look at your Mum. It may be really helpful in the future so you understand where he is coming from and what his model of a marraige is ( I expect you have done this already).

2. Dont take each other for granted.

There are loads of others- but when I look at friends who have divorced these are the 2 things I think of. ( apart from Infidelity which is a big one)

Things I've found helpful:


Patience, tolerance & a very very good shared sense of humor.

Time out when you have a blazing row (we find our optimum tim to be about 4-6 hours)- it gives perspective!

The absolute knowledge that you're both in it for the long run.

Showing your appreciation for each other in small, and occasionally big, ways.


Congratulations :))

SW

Being in love is merely a hormonal event and is fleeting. Once that wears off, see what you're left with. Hopefully you will have shared interests and values. Try to cultivate those, whilst both having your own things that you dO apart from each other.


But really, does anyone ever act on advice from others in matters of the heart?

Since being married, I have had to give up on my all time favourite pastime of Grudge Holding. Most upsetting, but it doesn't really help anyone, seething and grudge holding against your OH.

The only thing that has kept me and Whasshisname afloat is total and complete honesty, about everything: finances, mental health, everything.

Congratulations Kyoto!


One golden rule that I have found (and this is just not for couples)....if one of you is upset by the behaviour of your line manager (for example, or any other person really), the other person should not stick up for the person that is being slagged off!

QueenMab - that's a sad statement!!


*Falling* in love is transient I suppose, but I am still very much 'in love' with my husband after 12.5 years together.


Good luck OP - I think both of you prioritising each other (and then later, your family) above all other commitments is key.

Oh, two pearls I've picked up along the way:


1. Treat your partner as your most treasured possession, its so easy to loose sight of your love in the busyness of life.

2. Love is something you do, don't go chasing the emotion, do something loving. The actions create the feeling.


Good luck and congrats!

womanofdulwich Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> How lovely. Congratulations.

> 1.Look at each others parents - you particularly

> look at his Dad and he particularly look at your

> Mum. It may be really helpful in the future so you

> understand where he is coming from and what his

> model of a marraige is ( I expect you have done

> this already).

> 2. Dont take each other for granted.

> There are loads of others- but when I look at

> friends who have divorced these are the 2 things I

> think of. ( apart from Infidelity which is a big

> one)



Errrrm my DH father ran off with another man!!! That best not be my husbands model of a marriage!


My tips:-


1 - Regularly tell each other or show each other than you love them.


2- Treat each other with respect and don't undermine each others opinions and decisions.


3 - Communication.


4 - Date night!


5 - Have a hug when you see each other at the end of the day.


Congratulations?

if one of you is upset by the behaviour of your line manager (for example, or any other person really), the other person should not stick up for the person that is being slagged off!


Mrs Minton is my line manager...and my finance manager...and my entertainments manager. ;-)

Each of the little moments of how you treat each other add up over the years to create the relationship you have in the future. Start the day with a clean slate. Don't part on an argument. Share jokes. Know how to keep yourself happy and independent. Be flexible and able to change. And take none of it for granted.

It is essential to keep your own identity - doing things you enjoy on own or with friends,likewise let him do same.

Equally important to do things together. Kids can drive you apart - check out if you have the same child rearing values,

important for kids to have consistant parents,

Do not be too dependent on each other - if something happens to one of you, the other still has to survive. Equal sharing of tasks - my hubby enjoys ironing, I hate it, he makes a better shepherds pie than me, I cook a better soup,

Both of us dislike spending money unncessarily - we judge and weigh up what we really need. Try not to live off credit.

Must have and retain a sense of humour - it's got us through almost 30 years. No matter how much I may dislike him at times, I could not imagine spending my life with someone else. Easy to love someone but harder still to keep that love constant - accept at times you both may have made a mistake in marrying each other, but generally you end up thinking, do I really want someone else! Think of divorce as the last resort when things get tough, not the first thought, better to work it through.

Totally agree about keeping up your separate lives and identities - otherwise you end up living in each others pockets. And also a healthy sense of humour and an ability to keep things in perspective.


It is a bit pop-phsycology, but I loved "Why men don't listen and women can't read maps" for a bit of lighthearted look at the differences between men and women. We also did some questionnaires (not about compatibility but more about how much you knew about each others' outlook on life) which were really revealing and useful. Basically anything that means you communicate about your attitudes and expectations is a good idea.


Also date nights an absolute must!

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • The solicitor is also the Executor. Big mistake, but my Aunt was very old, and this was the Covid years and shortly after so impossible to intervene and get a couple of close relatives to do this.  She had no children so this is the nephews and nieces. He is a single practitioner, and most at his age would have long since retired - there is a question over his competence Two letters have already gone essentially complaining - batted off and 'amusingly' one put the blame on us. There are five on our side, all speaking to each other, and ideally would work as a single point of contact.  But he has said that this is not allowed - we've all given approval to act on each others behalf. There are five on her late husband's side, who have not engaged with us despite the suggestion to work as a team, There is one other, who get's the lion's share, the typicical 'friend', but we are long since challenging the will. I would like to put another complaint together that he has not used modern collective communication (I expect that he is incapable) which had seriously delayed the execution of the will.   I know many in their 80s very adept with smart phones so that is not an ageist comment. The house has deteriorated very badly, with cold, damp and a serious leak.  PM me if you want to see the dreadful condition that it is now in. I would also question why if the five of us are happy to work together why all of us need to confirm in writing.            
    • Isn’t a five yearly electricity safety certificate one of the things the landlord must give for a legal tenancy?
    • Very sorry to hear this, but surely the landlord is responsible for fixing the electrics?  Surely they must be insured for things like this? I hope you get it all sorted out quickly.
    • The Pie House Co-op Deptford Emergency Crisis - Needs YOUR Help. This not-for-profit, worker-run, wheelchair accessible music and arts venue at 213-214 Edward Place SE8 5HD THE CRISIS: From Liv, Grace & Sonia, On Friday 31st October, there was a flash flood in Deptford, and we found ourselves with water pouring in through the lighting fixtures, damaging our electrics and sound system. We have been forced to close for one of the busiest weekends of the year, losing thousands of pounds in income, and are now having to fight our landlords for support with the leak. We are asking all our allies for support as we try and reignite the crowdfunder to reflect the new expensive work that needs to take place, and the gear we need to replace. Thank you in advance for your support so far, and your support going forward. If you have any ideas with getting media attention, or fundraising - please get in touch on [email protected] Even if you like myself have not previously visited this venue, supporting small not for profit venues are vital to the life blood of what 'commmunity' is all about. HOW YOU CAN HELP: 1) If you are an electrician and can offer to help for free or at cost, please email: [email protected] Your help would of course be acknowledged. 2) If you are a Sound Engineer and can offer to help for free or at cost, please email: [email protected] Your help would of course be acknowledged. 3) If you are a journalist or have connections with the local and wider media (Print, on line, TV, Radio, please email: [email protected] 4) 'Every Little Helps' even just £1 will make a difference, please support the crowd funder: https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/.../piehouse-workers-co-op... Via insta @piehouse.coop there is a video (see screenshots here) THANK YOU.
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...