Reported in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle

[handymaneast dulwich]

Reported in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle U.K. Recently;

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so

priceless. And so easy to see happening - customer service, being

what it is today!

A lady died this past September, and Santander bank billed her in

October and November for their annual service charges on her credit

card, and then in December added late fees and interest on the monthly

charge.

The balance that had been ?0.00, now is somewhere around ?60.00.

A family member placed a call to the Santander Bank:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you that my grandma died in September.'

Santander 'But the account was never closed and so the late fees and

charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to your collections section.'

Santander 'Since it is two months over due, it already has been.'

Family Member: 'So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Santander: 'Either report her account to the Frauds Department or

report her to The Credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Santander: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you . . The part

about her being dead?'

Santander 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died in September.'

Santander: 'But the account was never closed and the late fees and

charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Santander: (Stammer) 'Are you her solicitor?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her son'

Santander: 'Could you fax us a death certificate?'

Family Member: 'Sure.'

( fax number is given )

After they get the fax:

Santander: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what

more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could

just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.'

Santander: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Santander: 'That would help.'

Family Member: ' Plot 1049.' Heaton Cemetery, Heaton Road , Newcastle upon Tyne

Santander: 'But, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'Well, what the **** do you do with dead people on your planet?'

Santander were not available for comment when a reporter from the

Newcastle Evening Chronicle rang them.

[buddug]

That is hilarious, while also tragic! Typical Santander. I'm not surprised - in my experience thickest call centre staff in the world. I left as soon as I could and they still managed to screw that up.

[StraferJack]

This story has more than a whiff of urban legend about it

if you google some of the quotes you'll get many variants of the news source and the bank in question, but the script is the same

don't be so credulous people!

[handymaneast dulwich]

Not looked into it myself only copied and pasted to the forum.

[woodrot]

There is no cemetary on heaton road BTW.

[El Pibe]

snopes not sure, but the feel is it's unlikely.

It did of course originate in the states and has been tailored for a UK board/email rcipient, whatever.

It does highly smack of a skit or at least a conversation someone wished they'd had with their bank.

http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/deadcard.asp

[handymaneast dulwich]

Looks like someone had something against Santander

[Loz]

woodrot Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> There is no cemetary on heaton road BTW.

There is a Heaton Cemetery, though.

[Salsaboy]

Hasn't everyone?

handymaneast dulwich Wrote:

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> Looks like someone had something against Santander

[handymaneast dulwich]

I have :-) also talk talk !

[woodrot]

Loz Wrote:

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> woodrot Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > There is no cemetary on heaton road BTW.

>

> There is a Heaton Cemetery, though.

I have an encyclopediac knowledge of this particular boro' innit bludz

[Annette Curtain]

Oh really

This is the version of that one-act-play i've seen

The curtain rises to a scene where a man (dressed as an Emu) is eating his breakfast. The fried egg is actually a peach on an artfully made piece of white bread

Only half the stage is lit, the other half is in darkness. This theatrical device is employed to add drama to the ensuing conversations

A family member places a call to the Santander Bank:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you that my dead grandma died again in September.'

(the other half of the stage illuminates, revealing a call-centre)

Santander 'But the account was never closed and so the late fees and

charges still apply.' ( at this point he blows a trombone )

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to your rejetions collections sections pexions lexicons.'

Santander 'Ah ha' ( blows a trombone again )

Family Member: 'So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Santander: 'We'll dig her up!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Santander: 'I'm a an atheist, you tell me'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you . . The part

about her being double-dead?'

Santander 'Listen to this!' ( tings a tri-angle )

Supervisor gets on the phone and rides it round an inflatable bull ring, until it bucks him off:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, April showers brings may flowers.'

Santander: 'OK.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Santander: (Stammer) 'Are you her solicitor?'

*drum roll*

Family Member: 'No, I'm her son'

Santander: 'Could you fax us a picture of her death teeth ?'

Family Member: 'Sure.'

( fax number is given )

After they get the fax:

Santander: 'Our system just isn't set up for teeth. I don't know what

more I can.....OH HELP A WASP HAS JUST LANDED ON ME.' ( there's a sound of someone falling down some stairs in the back ground followed by a feint distant voice ) "Have you heard the Pet Shop Boys latest album? "

Family Member: 'Well, you figure it out, coz i'm lost here! If not, you could

just keep ironong her. I don't think she will care.'

Santander: 'Well, just try'

Family Member: 'Would you like her new dentures?'

Santander: 'That would help.'

Family Member: 'That would help"

Santander: 'But, but that's not the line...!' (he looks toward the orchestra pit)

Director (hands on hips, exasperated) "Well, what the **** '

Family Member: 'Sorry, I must have missed a page , can we start from the top ? '

Director "From the top everyone'

Family Member: 'Sorry'

*A man dressed in Santander top hat come to the stage to engage the Director*

"Whisper, whisper, whisper"

Director (rubbing chin) "Ah ha..interesting'

Man in top hat: "Whisper, whisper, whisper"

*The lights fade up and a West End Girls re-mix plays in.

The crowd cheers and get to their feet "Ah ha ha haa...so clever. I loved the whisper, whisper part" and "of course the wasp is a metaphor for consumerist Christianity"

"Oooo I know" says a man wearing last seasons Dirk Nowitzki shoes

The Newcastle Evening Chronicle reporter rings home.

His wife answers: "Hello darling, i've missed you so much, how's your day been? "

"I'm ...I said I'm on...."

As his train passes into a tunnel

Nette:-S

[maxxi]

Annette Curtain Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Oh really

>

>...."

>

> As his train passes into a tunnel

>

>

> Nette:-S

Must you crowbar innuendo into everything? Or have you been watching Hitchcock again...?

 

[Undisputedtruth]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/moneybox/7792850.stm

The BBC article shows how financial institutions do not handle bereavement matters efficiently.