Estate Agents are unoriginal morons chapter 1

[woodrot]

Sorry for the HUGE C&P , but get yer chops around this blurb bludz...

"Be helplessly seduced by this retro-chic number. Three floors of bright, funky accommodation between four bedrooms, open plan kitchen/living area and a fab first floor reception. Slick and stylish gardens to front and rear make it the perfect package. All this on a peaceful period street just a five minute amble from Lordship Lane and seven minutes from Bellenden Road.

The property stands out proudly from its Victorian neighbours with a crisp white flat fronted exterior, hardwood fence and gorgeous pebble bed. Three paved stepping stones lead to a decked section just before your fab front door, which is painted slate grey with a brushed steel handle. The window frames are also slate grey and there?s a frosted pane ? we?re not even inside and we?re impressed! The inner hall enjoys embossed grey rubber flooring and white walls. A skip to the right reveals the contemporary kitchen which promises sleek white cabinets, five ring gas hob, oven, concrete worktops, modern sink and drainer and integrated dishwasher and fridge. A wide, chunky, solid oak counter/breakfast bar is shared between this room and the large dining space to the rear. Underfloor heating keeps you toasty come winter. This space spans the width of the building and opens via tri-fold glass doors to the garden. It?s a bright, airy, enjoyable space with a marvellous sense of connection to the outside ? a real joy in the summer months. Aside from a spacious dining area you?ll also note a lovely and wide built in seating space, fitted utility cupboard with space to dry clothes and some New York loft-style white wash brick work ? we want! The garden has a large decked area, sunken lawn and a really pleasant, leafy aspect.

Upward bound to the first floor finds you in a further living space. White walls, solid oak floors and a wide window to the front make for a bright spot in which to read, view and lounge. The first of the bedrooms faces rear with plenty of space for a double bed and storage. A neat wet room with friendly yellow wall and floor tiles completes this floor. The loo has a concealed cistern and there?s a drencher and heated towel rail too. A craftily concealed sliding door allows the wet room to become an en suite for the bedroom when slid back - very clever indeed! Your second floor offers three more bedrooms. To the front you find a neat double with two super cool accent walls, raised recessed storage and further recessed hanging space. Two single bedrooms, each with a splash of colour from a feature wall face rear over the private and surrounding gardens. The main bathroom sits in between with a wall of mirrored cabinets, aqua and ivy green mosaic tiling and a pristine, modern white suite.

With so many superb local restaurants, bars and caf?s you really don't need to venture into town for a good night out. Take a ramble down Lordship Lane to The Bishop for an after hours nightcap. Visit Northcross Road market on a Saturday, and amble through Dulwich Park on a Sunday as you head toward the village pub, and back again! Take young children to the playground at the top of Adys Road or the wonderful Marsden Road Wildlife Centre, two minutes away on foot. Transport links are not a problem in this great location with East Dulwich station under five minute's walk away or a 15 minute stroll to Peckham Rye.

sick etc

[*Bob*]

Has to be Wooster & Stock.. ?

[Gidget]

Wooster & Stock?

[woodrot]

we have 2 winners!

[Salsaboy]

How much is it? Sounds like paradise!

[woodrot]

its like a someone has been given the boot from Grazia and is slumming it in house sale until the market picks up

[woodrot]

550K.

[Loz]

Well, to be fair, they had to do something to sell it. From the pictures, it looks like someone has inhabited a garage. Soulless.

http://www.woosterstock.co.uk/details/9815.html

[maxxi]

too much ambling and rambling - makes me feel seasick - and that gorgeous pebble bed aint helping.

*retires to work out how to integrate dishwasher into fridge

[Frankito]

*wipes sweqt off brow as he realises it aint his house*

[Guest]

They misssed out, 'Enjoy the health benefits of running like f*ck to the safety of your own front door as the muggers chase you from the station after you unwisely answered your iPhone on the train home from London Bridge'.

And, 'You'll spend happy hours telling family, friends and random strangers on the phone that although it's an SE15 postcode it's really part of ED and a long, long way from Peckham'.

[????]

Any viewers yet woodrot?

[Gidget]

The owner of that house posts on here.

[woodrot]

fuck.

Nothing against the house or the decor bludz if you are reading - its the wanky way theyve described it

[*Bob*]

Excellent publicity.

I like those new(ish) sorts of townhouses. They've got a good feel inside. And they've done a nice job with it inside. Particularly styled, but nice nonetheless.

So - scorners - sod off!

Or let's see a picture of your house. Put your money where your mouth is, style gurus.

[woodrot]

???? Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Any viewers yet woodrot?

Not many - if things dont pick up, I may have to rent it out when I go to live la vida loca in Singapore with me balding expat tiger sucking homies and their teenage miniskirted babes

[El Pibe]

That answers the question about which poster's house it is ;)

*Bob* Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Excellent publicity.

>

> I like those new(ish) sorts of townhouses. They've

> got a good feel inside. And they've done a nice

> job with it inside. Particularly styled, but nice

> nonetheless.

>

> So - scorners - sod off!

>

> Or let's see a picture of your house. Put your

> money where your mouth is, style gurus.

[*Bob*]

The amusingly ludicrous descriptions are W&S's trademark, are they not? It must have become an office in-joke by now, surely.

They do have (way) more than their fair share of the nicer gaffs around the area though, so someone must like them.

[????]

I sold a gaff with them, no problem. But it was a foooking mega gaff.

Many viewings yet *Bob*?

[*Bob*]

If only! I'm still stuck in my bedsit - I can only dream of such a palace.

[Ted Max]

Why is there a skip in the kitchen?

[*Bob*]

Ted, most of these kind of houses came with a skip in the kitchen when they were originally built. Then, as skips in the kitchen fell out of fashion, they were - sadly - removed.

These days owners are more sympathetic to period features, so many are having the skips put back in. If they can afford it!!

[????]

*Bobs* right, even now you often just see skips dumped outside houses on the road ready to be taken away, it's heartbreaking to see original features that are so much part of our heritage treated like this.

[red devil]

Owners of this period of property would do well to check their basement, quite often a JCB in mint conditon is lying in wait under the piles of Spanish timeshare brochures and Paint Along With Nancy books...

[Jeremy]

I like the house (quite expensive per sq ft though).

But the daft W&S sales blurbs would put me off ever dealing with them.