Top Tips for cat owners

[woodrot]

cat owners - why not get tibbles/ fluffy/ ginger etc humanely/not humanely killed and get it stuffed for display in the parlour ?

No more vet bills and no more bleating and heartbreak when it goes missing for a few days

[woodrot]

Cat owners!

Why bother with a scrathing post for mr socks, when it can just come into my garden and RIP THE KIDS TRAMPOLINE to bits on a daily basis

[woodrot]

Cat owners!

Why bother going to the hassle of getting a kitten from Celia Hammond and have all the expense of neutering/vets bills/ food etc.

Just repeatedly smash the kitchen drawer onto your broken, mangled fingers until they are utterly useless - this exhibits the the same level of idiocy as owning a cat but without the hassle

[woodrot]

cat owners !

Dont bother deluding yourselves that cats are actually clean animals and bury their fetis shite any longer. Everytime sooty does a #2 in your garden , just stick it into one of my supplied freepost envelopes and send it to me. Then I can apply the shite directly into my childrens eyes with a rusty fork, thus avoiding the hassle of letting sooty out and worrying when he doesnt come back within 40 minutes and then having to post endless bleaty teary eyed dirges in the lost and found section of the EDF

[LondonLogCo]

Mr Socks

Now that's a great name

Is that what your cat's called?

[*Bob*]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[woodrot]

cat owners!

you can do your bit in helping us rid the planet of those awful fish that clog up our seas. Just ensure you buy kittykins expensive food based on those annyoing endangered species like Tuna - Im sure with a bit of effort, you can help to ensure our marine environment is a dead lifeless sewer in no time at all.

[El Pibe]

Just occasionally I wish there was a like button against posts.

woodrot Wrote:

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> cat owners !

>

> Dont bother deluding yourselves that cats are

> actually clean animals and bury their fetis shite

> any longer. Everytime sooty does a #2 in your

> garden , just stick it into one of my supplied

> freepost envelopes and send it to me. Then I can

> apply the shite directly into my childrens eyes

> with a rusty fork, thus avoiding the hassle of

> letting sooty out and worrying when he doesnt come

> back within 40 minutes and then having to post

> endless bleaty teary eyed dirges in the lost and

> found section of the EDF

[Ridgley]

To all cat owners send them all down to Woodrot house, as cats like a good wood scratch on :)

[katie1997]

Cat owners!

If you live in East Dulwich, why not consider naming your moggie after woodrot? It will raise smiles all round when you call tid..woodrot in for his smoked tuna terrine at 6pm.

[Guest]

Expect I'll regret sounding supportive, but several of the neighbourhood cats that use my garden for this purpose certainly don't bother to bury them. And I recently had to clean the doorstep I share with my neighbour after a few local kids picked some up on their shoes and then got it everywhere, which was stomach-churning.

Cats are teachable (an ex-BF's cat learned to use the shower plughole when she was caught short). If you must have a cat, teach it to crap in your own garden or a litter tray.

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> Dont bother deluding yourselves that cats are

> actually clean animals and bury their fetis shite

> any longer.

[Ridgley]

Depends on the cat Mrs B as you say you have to train them to do so. There is also the answer of putting a cat scarer in your garden.

[DJKillaQueen]

Anything in the image of Woodrot would probably be enough to scare any cat :)

[Chick]

Woodrot, do you prefer Guinness or are you a bitter woman?

[Atticus]

Why not get a real friend instead of humanising the behaviour of Tiddles?

[Saila]

.

[uncleglen]

Your pussies do not love you- they just love the grub.

(Yes Atticus- there is nothing worse or as dangerous as anthropomorphism. Although feeding pigeons probably comes a close second.)

[maxxi]

Atticus Wrote:

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> Why not get a real friend instead of humanising

> the behaviour of Tiddles?

Because tying a bit of old rag to a length of fishing line, tying that to a long bamboo cane and then flicking it around the room in circles while you sit in comfort on the sofa will not have a real friend skidding along the floor, or bouncing off doors/walls, or leaping head-first into a skirting board.

And putting a cereal box on a friend's head will not have them backing away in a circle in a hilarious fashion.

And substituting a cereal box with a yoghurt pot will not have a friend distorting his face and sticking out his tongue to a painful, yet ultimately frustratingly ineffective, degree in an effort to remove the traces of yoghurt which have begun to attract flies.

Nor will switching the hoover on and off have a friend jump three feet vertically in the air with shock.

Cats.

You gotta laugh.

[KalamityKel]

woodrot Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> cat owners !

>

> Dont bother deluding yourselves that cats are

> actually clean animals and bury their fetis shite

> any longer. Everytime sooty does a #2 in your

> garden , just stick it into one of my supplied

> freepost envelopes and send it to me. Then I can

> apply the shite directly into my childrens eyes

> with a rusty fork,

now that's just plain irresponsible of a parent! tut tut

[uncleglen]

I think the RSPCA would have something to say about maxxi's relationship with his/her pussy

[woodrot]

Cat lovers!

A little know fact - despite having a peanut sized brain and an inherent inability to come to terms with everyday things things like cars and roads, they are actually VERY INTELLIGENT and they can actually understand you when you speak to them. yes, really.

[woodrot]

Cat lovers!

Lost for something to do ? at a loose end ? then why not feed and pay attention to any old scraggy mog that passes your doorstep. Thus ensuring you will have plenty of time to post pictures of it and enter in mindless chat with other cat lovers in the unceasing vortex of pain that is the cat lost and found section of the EDF.

[woodrot]

Cat Owners!

Apply in advance for a court order to forcibly enter the sheds of everyone in the area to look for fluffy when goes goes missing for 3 hours . This will save the tiresome process of posting on the EDF with futile requests for EVERYONE IN LONDON to check their sheds for fluffykins.

[nashoi]

Woodrot, be honest, this is you isn't it?

http://i.imgur.com/LoDTN.jpg

[Chick]

Ms B Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Expect I'll regret sounding supportive, but

> several of the neighbourhood cats that use my

> garden for this purpose certainly don't bother to

> bury them. And I recently had to clean the

> doorstep I share with my neighbour after a few

> local kids picked some up on their shoes and then

> got it everywhere, which was stomach-churning.

>

> Cats are teachable (an ex-BF's cat learned to use

> the shower plughole when she was caught short). If

> you must have a cat, teach it to crap in your own

> garden or a litter tray.

>

Is he an ex because of his cat's habits in the shower?