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You can Complain about:


The village church ringing its bells every Sunday for the past 300 years

Cockrels crowing at un-Godly hours of the morning and pongs coming from animals in the fields

The village community centre doesn't hold esoteric yoga classes

There are no pavements for double-deckker bugaloos

Horse poo on the country lanes makes the range rover dirty


Oh, and the foxes are not as big or cheerful as those in East Dulwich

Go for a Walk..


http://playwithdeath.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/an-american-werewolf-in-london-header1.jpg


To the Local Pub.


http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MZuTbj_aFms/TdZK99CJPUI/AAAAAAAAAEU/MhvIqIz_SOY/s1600/SlaughteredLamb_sign_110519.jpg


Meet all the friendly Customers


http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQT8dzLNYE2d7q_TJ96UxqVlYHA3dKmARBL_YxrRW2unXQ3ag-lsw


Fox

Buy an old bicycle ride up and down the main street saying hello ooh err to everyone you see then chase after them asking if they need their car washing.

Unless another village local is already doing that in which case you'll just have to wait your turn sitting on a wall with a gallon of scrumpy to sip on whilst you while away the day.

My pleading has already begun. It's shameless, rather pathetic,undiginified and frankly futile.

I'm now going to spend 18 months doing things like going to the theatre in a bid to persuade myself of the things I'll miss, never having actually done them at all in the preceding 20 years.

...and if you're not on mains drainage, you can discuss - at length - how you got to grips with the instruction manual for a 700W submersible water pump with float switch.


Your friends will be booking their return visit before you know it!

Talk about how great life used to be in ED but how it all sadly changed for the worse, forcing you to 'move on' and how you- "could never live in a big city environment again anyway" because all the real people have moved to Fulmetch/Gressbourne/Harbinger-Mallow etc.

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