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You can Complain about:


The village church ringing its bells every Sunday for the past 300 years

Cockrels crowing at un-Godly hours of the morning and pongs coming from animals in the fields

The village community centre doesn't hold esoteric yoga classes

There are no pavements for double-deckker bugaloos

Horse poo on the country lanes makes the range rover dirty


Oh, and the foxes are not as big or cheerful as those in East Dulwich

Go for a Walk..


http://playwithdeath.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/an-american-werewolf-in-london-header1.jpg


To the Local Pub.


http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MZuTbj_aFms/TdZK99CJPUI/AAAAAAAAAEU/MhvIqIz_SOY/s1600/SlaughteredLamb_sign_110519.jpg


Meet all the friendly Customers


http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQT8dzLNYE2d7q_TJ96UxqVlYHA3dKmARBL_YxrRW2unXQ3ag-lsw


Fox

Buy an old bicycle ride up and down the main street saying hello ooh err to everyone you see then chase after them asking if they need their car washing.

Unless another village local is already doing that in which case you'll just have to wait your turn sitting on a wall with a gallon of scrumpy to sip on whilst you while away the day.

My pleading has already begun. It's shameless, rather pathetic,undiginified and frankly futile.

I'm now going to spend 18 months doing things like going to the theatre in a bid to persuade myself of the things I'll miss, never having actually done them at all in the preceding 20 years.

...and if you're not on mains drainage, you can discuss - at length - how you got to grips with the instruction manual for a 700W submersible water pump with float switch.


Your friends will be booking their return visit before you know it!

Talk about how great life used to be in ED but how it all sadly changed for the worse, forcing you to 'move on' and how you- "could never live in a big city environment again anyway" because all the real people have moved to Fulmetch/Gressbourne/Harbinger-Mallow etc.

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  • Latest Discussions

    • They'd been there for days but I hadn't tied them to this thread. Nice work, it was bugging me!
    • Off topic, but when I was a kid in Streatham, long ago, apart from the milkman (rarely if ever milkwoman),  who also delivered yoghurt - very exotic - in little glass jars, we also had regular deliveries of coal, bread and cheesecakes (not the kind we know now, they had coconut on top), fruit and veg,  and paraffin (both pink and blue). I'm not entirely sure we have lost "something amazing" by buying milk in shops. The glass bottles were left on the doorstep and the metallic tops were pecked through by birds getting at the cream/milk. Or else the bottles were nicked.  And then there was the rag and bone man.... bell and horse and cart, just like Steptoe. God I'm old. We didn't have supermarket deliveries. We didn't have supermarkets. I remember the first supermarket opening in Streatham. It  was quite amazing having to walk round and  put your own shopping in a basket. As you were ..... Sorry OP and admin.
    • Yep, I hear you. Been waiting for modern milkman to these parts and plan to try them out. I still remember Dennis, our Egg-man, from my childhood, who used to deliver dozens in his Citroen 2C and came to collect the boxes the following week. Happy Days. 
    • I always feel we lost something amazing when we moved away from home milk delivery with glass bottles using electric floats to driving to supermarkets and buying milk in plastic bottles. Hindsight says we should have valued the good old milky more 
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