Corrupt a Wish

[benjaminty]

but then the stench of the sewage from Lordship left it un-sunbathable? (hmmm)

I wish to be a genius with my camera..

[HonaloochieB]

..but all your exposures turn out to be indecent.

I wish I could fly, right up to the sky...

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

But you would bump into Icarus on his way down and hurtle to earth, a sticky mass.

I wish it were summer

[benjaminty]

But you can't .. turns out you're just a green puppet with a freaky man's hand up your behind :)

I wish I could get Thames Water to pull their finger out...

[PeckhamRose]

But then the finger was the only thing jamming the leak so more floods cometh.

I wish for a sighting of the kingfisher in the park this afternoon.

[Cassius]

But the kid died!

I wish my cold would go away.

[HonaloochieB]

But then you'll be able to smell all the stinky pollution.

#Wishing I was skinny, wishing that the whole world knew my name...#

[benjaminty]

But you die from an eating disorder ...... before you have a chance streak at the next world cup final...

I wish the itchy feeling in my throat, eyes and ears would give it a rest...

[Keef]

But then you lose all the feeling in your body and don't realise that you are on fire.

I wish the CPT could get a nice new owner who would keep it as pubbish as possible, but make some improvements.

[Cassius]

but the landlord/lady takes a dislike to you and bars you for life on the opening night.

I wish that Torquay United would win the FA Trophy (not Vase)

[Brendan]

Unable to cope with an event with such a high improbability factor actually occurring the universe implodes on itself.

I wish it was Friday.

[Keef]

But it turns out to be Friday 13th and you get hacked to death by a man in a hocky mask.

I wish I could have a holiday.

[Cassius]

Only for it to be the Holiday from Hell and you send the article into the Daily Express to try and recoup some of your losses.

I wish I could speak Italian.

[Keef]

But you get one word wrong and end up insulting the daughter of a mob boss and getting whacked.

I wish I was going to Bordeaux this weekend for a wine tasting.

[Cassius]

Only to go to the Doctor tomorrow and be put on antibiotics so you can't have any alcohol for a fortnight.

I wish I had seen Kurt Cobain/Nirvana in concert.

[HonaloochieB]

But it turns out to be an evening that Kurt is suffering from 'exhaustion' and Courtney Love steps into the breach.

I wish for a world free of racism and intolerance where people could live in peace and harmony.

(Pick the bones out of that)

[Cassius]

But like the Eloi of the Time Machine, without strife, mankind becomes complacent and gradually dies out through lack of interest.

I wish my ex hadn't run off with my favourite albums.

[PeckhamRose]

But you DID scratch them all before the ex left, suspecting this might be the case.

I wish there was a tiny iPod capable of holding ALL my albums and CDs and ALL my photos and movies and copies of ALL movies I ever loved and all my contacts and phone numbers and that I had five such iPod thingies so if I lost one I had others.

[lozzyloz]

And then the US military accidentally drop a smart bomb and erase your memory so that you can no longer remember where you left your ipod stash.

I wish global warming would speed up a bit so that I could grow mangos and other exotic fruit in my garden.

[PeckhamRose]

But the utility company raise their prices so much that you can't afford to run a freezer to make ice for your Pimms and exotic fruit accompaniments.

I wish I could drink more than two pints of beer in an evening, before suffering incredible headaches the following morning.

[HonaloochieB]

You can. Keep drinking, thereby ruinining your health, losing your job and risking an early death...but at least no headache.

I wish I had X-Ray vision...

[PeckhamRose]

But then you'd never be able to enjoy the beauty of pure sensuous skin.

I wish I could get free prescriptions (without the necessity of moving to Wales!)

[HonaloochieB]

You can, simply develop a chronic condition such as diabetes.

I wish I had a pound for every time I heard or read the phrase "political correctness gone mad"...

[lozzyloz]

But then the BNP win the next general election and all gays, immigrants and non-whites are persecuted, expunged or sent into exile.

I wish there was no longer a developing world but just one world without borders and prejudice.

[Cassius]

But then you realised you had turned into a Miss World Candidate...

I wish there were no more series of Big Brother ever