Best way to kill a neighbour without being caught?

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Recommendations please.

Some plonker practising a clarinet in the garden from 8.10 am this morning is making me desperate.

[KidKruger]

Sledgehammer should do it.

Under those conditions, everybody will understand.

Otherwise, shout at him saying how crappy his tunes are and laugh, loud.

[Lordship_local]

We got someone nearby who *started* playing music outside at 2am! I wouldn't want to hurt them, but I didn't really know what else to do other than stare forlornly at my ceiling and hope that my bad vibes would mean they would be overcome with guilt (they weren't).

Having to open the window in the heat really does make a noise difference though. In my last place, I used to hear a dawn chorus of different phone alarms going off on summer mornings....

[seenbeen]

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

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> Recommendations please.

>

> Some plonker practising a clarinet in the garden

> from 8.10 am this morning is making me desperate.

I've had continuous loud building noise from the attached house next door being completely refurbished since last September- every weekday from 8am and they tried it on on a couple of weekends too. They did not contain dust until I got the council involved. The owners who are not living there accused me of lying when I texted them about the weekend work. And skip lorries and building supplies delivery lorries turned up even earlier until we complained to them.

8.10 am is NOT early

[JohnL]

[Spartacus]

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

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> Recommendations please.

>

> Some plonker practising a clarinet in the garden

> from 8.10 am this morning is making me desperate.

"Kindness" or "softly with his song" are two good recommendations !

[fishbiscuits]

8am is not unreasonable, but playing clarinet in the garden is!

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

JohnL - rather it were improvements on a clarinet.

KK - do you mean retaliate with Peter Gabriel?

Thank you, Spartacus (said tartly).

[teddyboy23]

Landmine used one on a neighbour years ago .no one knew it was me .ah fcuk forget that

[Sue]

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

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> Recommendations please.

>

> Some plonker practising a clarinet in the garden

> from 8.10 am this morning is making me desperate.

Do you want to borrow my melodeon? 🤣🤣🤣

I'm sure you could drown him out 🤣🤣🤣

ETA: Or her ....

If that fails, you could "accidentally" throw it at him/her. It's quite heavy 🤣

[snoopy17]

don't let him know it's annoying you, they'll do it all the more if they know.

[diable rouge]

Full frontal nudity while singing an aria from a bedroom window, works every time...

[KidKruger]

no, I mean a real one, to the back of the skull. kinda thing.

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

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> JohnL - rather it were improvements on a

> clarinet.

>

> KK - do you mean retaliate with Peter Gabriel?

>

> Thank you, Spartacus (said tartly).

[Lynne]

If this was Midsummer Murders you could break into his house while he's out, put a drugged cobra into his clarinet which would then wake up the first time he played it. Or a movement sensitive explosive.

[DulwichFox]

To prevent being caught best not to post on a Local Forum with your intentions.. :)

Foxy

[Lordship_local]

This is the Lounge though Foxy, police would never scroll down this far.

[Spartacus]

Try asking foxy to talk to them

His posts are enough to bore anyone to death 😱

[seenbeen]

You could employ the builders that have extended the house next door to me.

I had just cleared up some foxes' scat from outside my back door. I had just gone inside when a large black tile fell into my sideway at exactly the place where I had been cleaning just before! It was not from my roof- they had balanced the tile on the ridge between the two houses and it fell off.

Or failing that, drop a house brick and half a housebrick from the window but make sure it is from your actual window surround into their garden...

[KidKruger]

wasn't there a guy who used to post on here who preached the benefits and purity of hunting by bow and arrow (or was it crossbow) ?

He may be able to help.

[malumbu]

Used to have neighbours working in Saudi. When they came back for hols lots of late partying. At the time I thought chlorine gas via their loft. But actually carbon monoxide better.

[JohnL]

KidKruger Wrote:

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> wasn't there a guy who used to post on here who

> preached the benefits and purity of hunting by bow

> and arrow (or was it crossbow) ?

> He may be able to help.

Ahh. Robin Hood I remember him well.

[diable rouge]

KidKruger Wrote:

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> wasn't there a guy who used to post on here who

> preached the benefits and purity of hunting by bow

> and arrow (or was it crossbow) ?

> He may be able to help.

Sounds like BBW, saw himself as the Rambo of Sydenham Woods...

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

It was so bad, I left town for two days!

I think I favour the melodeon or asp method at the moment.

We could write Mid-Summer Murders as a collective, and make a fortune out of my misery.

[ianr]

> Or a movement sensitive explosive.

Nitrogen tri-iodide crystals on the keys. Or a computer program which re-broadcasts what's played with a delay of a couple of seconds and/or frequencies shifted by a semitone or so. Neither likely to be fatal but could have marked behavioural effects.

What would we be extinguishing, btw? Mozart, Debussy, Joplin, Gershwin, Bilk, ...?

[Sue]

diable rouge Wrote:

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> KidKruger Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > wasn't there a guy who used to post on here who

> > preached the benefits and purity of hunting by

> bow

> > and arrow (or was it crossbow) ?

> > He may be able to help.

>

> Sounds like BBW, saw himself as the Rambo of

> Sydenham Woods...

Crikey, (unwelcome) blast from the past :))