Gay/Lesbian Parent Group in East Dulwich

[cazzyr]

Hello,

Are there are gay/lesbian parents out there who'd fancy meeting up mid week on a fortnightly basis? My girlfriend and I are Mums to a 10 month old and feel it would be good to meet up with other parents and do fun things together. I wouldn't intend it to be a discussion group per se...simply a kids/parents get together.There's loads on for hetero parents but v little for the gays in the village!

Cazzyr

[Scruffy Mummy]

Hi there,

There was a discussion about lesbian and gay parents groups in the area. If you go to this thread here http://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/forum/read.php?9,61438,76473#msg-76473 you can find all the information about the monthly group that meets at the East Dulwich Community Centre plus also you could pm some of the parents that have posted looking for other gay/lesbian parents to meet up with.

Good luck!

[lozzyloz]

I don't mean to sound ignorant (here goes) but can you also join in with hetero groups and do fun things together or does that not work if you're gay parents? If it doesn't work is it because the hetero group does not accept you or because you prefer to stick with like? Sorry, just curious!

[mockney piers]

Annaj pointed out that people do like to hang around with like minded types.

I'm having an awful time getting my anglo-spano-caribbean-pedantic-geeky-a-little-bit-jewish-looking-but-not-jewish-not-that-theres-anything-wrong-with-being-jewish swimming night off the ground at the dulwich leisure centre.

[Scruffy Mummy]

I think it's like anything - sometimes you just want to hang out with people who have the same experiences as you do. I know that lesbian and gay parents face particular issues and challenges that hetero parents don't and it's nice to meet other people in the same situation.

[lozzyloz]

Such as, apart from being gay? Do the children get brought up differently? A female friend of mine who has young children and was originally in a hetero relationship has now come out and set up home with her partner. As far as I know she still continues to integrate as before with new partner, kids and friends. I just wonder if by being exclusive does this feed peoples ignorance and set up divisions in society when we should be encouraging people to embrace our differences? Or should it be considered like a religion where people celebrate the same god in a different way and practice a similar moral code and then go out and kill each other?

[cazzyr]

Jeez...

I wonder if such an ignorant post would've been posted if I'd ask to start a black/asian parents group up??? Please this post is meant for gay and lesbian parents, and as a very well integrated parent myself who attends regular hetty groups I would also like the opportunity to spend time with other gay parents so my son doesn't feel like he's the only one with 2 Mums and so that I can meet other gay parents to discuss issues which come up...such as homophobia which is obviously live and kicking in East Dulwich.

Thanks for link to thread Scruffy Mummy...I've checked out the group but it meets on Sundays and I'd like to do a mid week thing.

Cheers,

Cazzyr

[lozzyloz]

Not sure how you read this thread as being homophobic. Perhaps a slight over reaction but thanks for filling in some of my ignorance.

[mockney piers]

As it goes cazzyr, there has been a bit of sensitivity to any sort of exclusive affairs on what we hope is a communal forum, have a search for the women-only swim nights thread for an example, all 20 odd pages of it.

I think Lozzy was being genuinely curious rather than casting aspersions, and I'm pretty certain there would have been a stir if someone were to propose a blacks or asians only drinks at the EDT on the forum.

[KalamityKel]

Cazzyr don't b getting humpfy lozzyloz already expressed an interest out of curiousity as to the difference between each group so there really was no need to b throwing around the "ignorant" accusation.

I am curious too as to the difference and may need to make a note for the future (not in the way some may think tho)

[Scruffy Mummy]

Hey Cazz - hope you get something together! A friend of mine is a lesbian parent to a son who is now in university and she too found that it was great to have some lesbian parent friends - as well as lots of het parent friends as it helped hime know he wasn't the only one with two mums!

I think alot of people like Lollyloz aren't really homophobic - they just don't understand the particular needs of different communities. I recently went to see a play in the West End which was dealing with issues of sexuality and identity. I went with a bunch of lesbian and gay friends - and I invited a straight mum friend along. On the way back, she got really upset and said how out of it she felt, and uncomfortable and how she hadn't ever had a lesbian experience and felt like it was a different world. I was like, well, now you know what alot of gay people feel like! She's not homophobic - just heterosexist!! People like to slag off different communities getting together but that's often because when they go to groups and activities, they don't have to really deal with difference or different experiences.

And, maybe the Lougue isn't the best place to post this as people like to have a good ole debate/slag off/wind up in here anyway! Posting something in Wanted and Recommended might reach more people anyway.

[SeanMacGabhann]

oooh loz, looks like you've been patronised

What patronised means is........ (etc etc)

Tis true that manny "hetties" (grrrrr) are ignorant of gay/lesbian issues - but I imagine people want to erase that divide not perpetuate it - or am I naive?

[*Bob*]

What I find intriguing is (generally speaking) the lack of connection/empathy/support between gay men and lesbians..

[lozzyloz]

I can assure you I'm not homophobic and it was a genuine interest. I can also understand the prickly reaction. There are a lot of ignorant people (like me) out there.

I'm not asking you to defend or justify yourself. What I was trying to understand was whether it was an exclusive group since you can join a gay group but I assume a hetero wouldn't be welcome to your group. We can all look at ourselves and say well I belong to this group and not that group. Because of my background I often feel I don't belong to any group but then again I don't want to wear a badge saying I'm different. I like to meet people and get to know them regardless as opposed to exclusively because of culture, sexuality, religion and opinions, and wouldn't count them out because they're not like me (thankfully).

[Scruffy Mummy]

'I just wonder if by being exclusive does this feed peoples ignorance and set up divisions in society when we should be encouraging people to embrace our differences? Or should it be considered like a religion where people celebrate the same god in a different way and practice a similar moral code and then go out and kill each other?'

Well, I'm sorry if I came across as patronizing but I did feel the need to point out - in a very straightforward way - to answer lozzyloz's point above that she made in her initial post!!

As Cazz herself points out, she goes to lots of mainstream parent and baby activities so she is hardly segrating herself off from society!! She probably has to take on the role of educating curious straight people all the time and explaining the different issues or when it's the same so what's the problem with her having a group where she doesn't have to do this?

[atila the gooner]

I can understand why like minded people want to hang out together but how are we "hetties" meant to gain a greater under of the issues/problems faced by the gay community if they isolate and segregate themselves from "hetties". I'm just curious.

[Scruffy Mummy]

That is a good question Atila!! What I've done is make an effort to engage with issues and events and things that my lesbian and gay friends go to that are open to all.

One thing you could do is go to the Lesbian and Gay Film Festival at the NFT which is happening at the end of the month. Everyone is welcome - gay, straight, bi, whatever. They have some great films and fab documentaries. And you'll meet lots of lesbian and gay people in the bar to chat to

Here is the link! http://www.bfi.org.uk/llgff/

[SeanMacGabhann]

sorry SM - it was the line

"I think alot of people like Lollyloz aren't really homophobic" that sounded a bit off

I don't think there is any problem with having a seperate group either - but from the initial posts it did sound a bit "us" and "them" - people have expanded their initial posts tho so I doubt there is any issue left

(apart from me thinking lozz asked a fairly benign question and was trated a bit sharply IMO)

[annaj]

mockney piers Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Annaj pointed out that people do like to hang

> around with like minded types.

> I'm having an awful time getting my

> anglo-spano-caribbean-pedantic-geeky-a-little-bit-

> jewish-looking-but-not-jewish-not-that-theres-anyt

> hing-wrong-with-being-jewish swimming night off

> the ground at the dulwich leisure centre.

Well, if you would just be a little less pendantic about the exact ethnical ambiguity of your geeky swimming buddies, I'd be getting my costume.

Cazzyr, I'm a "hetty" (as in Wainthrope?) and not a mother, so I can't say I know how you feel or what you're experiencing, but I can imagine that you face a fair amount of prejudice and ignorance. Maybe that has left you feeling defensive, because your response to lozzyloz was a bit harsh. He worded his post very benignly and I didn't detect any hint of homophobia, just curiousity about this exclusive group and probably about the concept of exclusive groups generally.

Edited - because I realised part of it could be read the wrong way and didn't want any more misunderstanding!

[cazzyr]

Benign?

Likening an attempt to set up a gay/lesbain parent group to extrapolating ourselves from mainstream life as with suicide bombers?????????? He's mad. I quote him directly..."just wonder if by being exclusive does this feed peoples ignorance and set up divisions in society when we should be encouraging people to embrace our differences? Or should it be considered like a religion where people celebrate the same god in a different way and practice a similar moral code and then go out and kill each other?"

[paragon]

This is the kind of conversation that would be fine it is was in a pub (gay-friendly, of course) but gets blown out of all proportion because text is easily mis-construed.

I think you should have forum debating competitions.

Edited to add example.

"This house loves Foxtons and would like to see one on every street corner"

[KalamityKel]

Y are you making an issue out of nothing? :-| seriously if you take offense to something like that then I shall express my feelings of ur offenseive "hetty" comment too!

Really! stop it. No one was meaning to start off an argument.

[annaj]

cazzyr, the lines from lozzyloz's post that you've quoted are phrased as questions, which supports my inital assumption that he was considering the general question of exclusive groups and their effects. I see the purpose of and need for an exclusive support or social group in many settings, but I can also see that it could be veiwed as seperatist and not entirely positive. I certainly think it's a valid debate and not mad at all.

I also think paragon made a really good point about text being easy to misinterpret or take out of context, because it's presented without all the subtle extra cues of face-to-face conversation. It's happened before on here and I'm sure it will happen again. I don't think lozzyloz is homophobic and I don't think he meant to cause offense.

A couple of people now have objected to your use of the term "hetty" (not me I might add, I found it twee and a bit irritating, but not offensive) so you can see how easy it is to cause unintended offense.

[mockney piers]

If we're all sticking the boot in then I thought "Please this post is meant for gay and lesbian parents" was somewhat presumptuous. The lounge has few rules, you can't just go making your cake up as you go along and then ...err....eat it?

Perhaps this would indeed have been better placed in the wanted section.

Having said all that I hope you're not discouraged cazzyr, we've all in the past trodden on each others toes or been quick to take offence, usually through the aforementioned written word/tone problems.

It's actually a pretty nice, open-minded bunch on here.

[KalamityKel]

I'd like to add I was being pedantic ;-)