Padded Cell - screech and scream to your hearts content *contains rudeness*

[KalamityKel]

:-|

[HonaloochieB]

KalamityKel Wrote:

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> U can buy sliced corned beef ya know...

Sliced corn beef is for quitters KK. If everyone went down that route where would be the incentive for the likes of those gauchos at Fray Bentos to put the gear in a proper modern tin with a ring pull. The packet stuff doesn't have the taste or the keeping power of the tinned variety which can be stored up for the time when I may have to batten down the hatches in the event of civil unrest or extreme terrorist action. Besides the pre-sliced stuff removes my inalienable human right to choose my own meat width for a sandwich.

And that's a right I will only give up when you prise my corned beef and Branston sandwich from my cold, dead fingers.

[KalamityKel]

So ur initial complaint about the rubbishness of the ring pull was all for wot? :p

[*Bob*]

That sounds like my kind-of food, Honaloo.

Come over sometime - I'll put on a super spread. Princes tinned ham (I'll scrape the jelly off) and a can of mashed salmon - with a bit of vinegar in it.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Darling HonaloochieB

Don't you know that the modern cognoscenti eat Spam. Conventional tinopener is all that is required.

Excellent with gherkins for the refined palate.

[HonaloochieB]

KalamityKel Wrote:

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> So ur initial complaint about the rubbishness of

> the ring pull was all for wot? :p

My original complaint was about the key and welded on ribbon apparatus that the packers of the good beef see fit to continue using. I'm all for tradition but a modern up to date ring pull would be a boon to the busy survivalist.

Otherwise my whole post would have been some sort of exercise in pointlessness, wouldn't it?

[lozzyloz]

HB ignore the last comment. It was Spam.

[HonaloochieB]

*Bob* Wrote:

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> That sounds like my kind-of food, Honaloo.

>

> Come over sometime - I'll put on a super spread.

> Princes tinned ham (I'll scrape the jelly off) and

> a can of mashed salmon - with a bit of vinegar in

> it.

Now you're talking *Bob*. I genuinely enjoy a nice salmon vinegar cucumber with a smear of salad cream sandwich. As for the Princess ham, I'm a 'jelly on' man myself, but in the tradition of Jack Spratt and his missus it would obviously work out well for both of us.

[mockney piers]

I REALLY hope we're not still talking about oral sex here are we?

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Mockney, you're so square. Haven't you seen "nine and a half weeks?"

[HonaloochieB]

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

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> Darling HonaloochieB

>

> Don't you know that the modern cognoscenti eat

> Spam. Conventional tinopener is all that is

> required.

>

> Excellent with gherkins for the refined palate.

I'm afraid for me PGC that Spam has always been a taste I've not managed to acquire, though Christ knows my schools didn't stint in their efforts to indoctrinate me into it.

Though I may be persuaded to go down the gherkin route as you suggest.

As the saying goes, try everything once except incest and Morris dancing.

Thanks.

[*Bob*]

Certainly not, Mockney.

I'm not a fan myself, but I look forward to seeing Honaloochie's 'vinegar face' when the moment presents itself.

[HonaloochieB]

*Bob* Wrote:

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> Certainly not, Mockney.

> I'm not a fan myself, but I look forward to seeing

> Honaloochie's 'vinegar face' when the moment

> presents itself.

Ah, *Bob* about that invite round for a spread of ham and salmon, would you adam and eve it, I've just checked the old diary and I'm busy that day. In fact I see that I won't be available for the rest of the year, at the very least. My 'vinegar face' will have to remain a mystery to you for the foreseeable future I'm afraid.

Sorry and all that sort of rot.

[Keef]

HonaloochieB Wrote:

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> Sean Connery.

>

> Won an Oscar for his portrayal of a hard-bitten Irish cop in The Untouchables.

>

> Played it with a Scottish accent. Lazy f@cker.

That's not the half of it. Hunt for red october - Russian Submarine bloke - Scottish accent. Several bond films - English Spy - Scottish accent, Highlander - "Spanish Peacock" (although for some reason I think there was Egyptian in there too - Scottish accent!!!

It's like he's so cocky, he doesn't think he should even need to try!

[KalamityKel]

Lizzy for future reference you may find this useful/amusing... ;-)

HIS demands

A Man's Ego...

Hahahahaha tis a good chuckle site >:D Had a little "date" the other night with a guy I'd

> been seeing for quite a while, and it was to be

> the first time we were "getting intimiate",have to

> say it completely drives me barmy and makes me

> absolutely livid when (sorry for those with

> sensitivity issues and sexual prohibitions please

> look away now!) when a guy expects you to go down

> on him and then when you ask, (before things get

> really started), or gently hint that you hope that

> the favour will be returned (which you shouldn't

> have to anyway) you suddenly get a bewildered

> looking school boy standing there saying "but I

> don't do oral!", erm...what? then to exacerbate

> the situation comes back with "well aren't you

> going to finish me off then!", couldn't help it,

> bit down on him quite hardish and said, yeah,

> after you start me off!!! and muttered something

> about selfish son-of-a-bitch or sumthing or other

> and made my getaway. There now, all better now,

> though I doubt he is feeling atall well this

> morning.

[LizzygotDizzy]

Absolutely hilarious Kalamity, I particularly liked the "don't point and laugh at him" tip!

[HonaloochieB]

Keef Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> HonaloochieB Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > Sean Connery.

> >

> > Won an Oscar for his portrayal of a hard-bitten

> Irish cop in The Untouchables.

> >

> > Played it with a Scottish accent. Lazy f@cker.

>

>

> That's not the half of it. Hunt for red october -

> Russian Submarine bloke - Scottish accent. Several

> bond films - English Spy - Scottish accent,

> Highlander - "Spanish Peacock" (although for some

> reason I think there was Egyptian in there too -

> Scottish accent!!!

>

> It's like he's so cocky, he doesn't think he

> should even need to try!

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences - shower of useless bastards for giving him the award in the first place.

Tossers.

[HonaloochieB]

LizzygotDizzy Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Had a little "date" the other night with a guy I'd

> been seeing for quite a while, and it was to be

> the first time we were "getting intimiate",have to

> say it completely drives me barmy and makes me

> absolutely livid when (sorry for those with

> sensitivity issues and sexual prohibitions please

> look away now!) when a guy expects you to go down

> on him and then when you ask, (before things get

> really started), or gently hint that you hope that

> the favour will be returned (which you shouldn't

> have to anyway) you suddenly get a bewildered

> looking school boy standing there saying "but I

> don't do oral!", erm...what? then to exacerbate

> the situation comes back with "well aren't you

> going to finish me off then!", couldn't help it,

> bit down on him quite hardish and said, yeah,

> after you start me off!!! and muttered something

> about selfish son-of-a-bitch or sumthing or other

> and made my getaway. There now, all better now,

> though I doubt he is feeling atall well this

> morning.

What if?

This had been posted by a man. An alleged breach of sexual etiquette in the matter of oral sex had taken place and his response was to bite the 'offending' female's genital area to the extent that she would probably not be 'feeling at all well' the next day. At the very least I'm pretty sure that people on the forum would be lining up to punch his lights out, whilst offering support and sympathy to the victim. At most he'd find himself being questioned by the police for committing a serious sexual assault.

But that's all hypothetical really, because the odds are he wouldn't dream of posting his actions on a site like this.

[mightyroar]

it's all hypothetical because it's so unlikely.

[HonaloochieB]

mightyroar Wrote:

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> it's all hypothetical because it's so unlikely.

What's unlikely, MR? The original post, or my response?

[SteveT]

What kind of man is it that refuses to gnaw his way to a womans heart.

Not a masculine card carrying man as I believe a man should be.

Hardly a five star lover of the 21st century.

LizzyGD a proper man gives head until lockjaw sets in, anything less is considered by this man, to be short change.

[mightyroar]

sorry Honaloochie but I was referring to your response.

there's nothing unlikely about Lizzy's tale

[giggirl]

Keef Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> HonaloochieB Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > Sean Connery.

> >

> > Won an Oscar for his portrayal of a hard-bitten

> Irish cop in The Untouchables.

> >

> > Played it with a Scottish accent. Lazy f@cker.

>

>

> That's not the half of it. Hunt for red october -

> Russian Submarine bloke - Scottish accent. Several

> bond films - English Spy - Scottish accent,

> Highlander - "Spanish Peacock" (although for some

> reason I think there was Egyptian in there too -

> Scottish accent!!!

>

> It's like he's so cocky, he doesn't think he

> should even need to try!

I thought he lived in Spain. What exactly did he get knighted for? Anyone know?

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

For being gorgeous.

[KalamityKel]

oh gawd noooooooo! stop it! stop it! stop it!!!!! *cringes*