Quiet room...

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Steady Old Man, that creature isnt muzzled and could easily turn savage - see late notes on the "Dog Attack" thread - one wrong glance and the thing becomes a killer ... and the labrador could give you a nasty nuzzle as well*

*Tentatively feels DM's nose - cold and ... wet (yuk!)*

*Clearly she is out for the count, hearing champage being poured close by normally brings DM round from the deepest coma*

*Bends down and whispers into DM's shell-like - "Gary Barlow is nearby and is in need of a cup of tea and slice of cake" - stands back*

[Moos]

*darkness reigns*

*enters barefoot and clad in pyjamas, and waveringly holding aloft an improbable candle*

(In trembling voice) Puss, is that you making that strange scratching noise? I thought I heard you fighting with a fox earlier...and I saw a sinister figure outlined in the windowframe for a second, but decided it was probably just Mockney. Now I think I'll wander deeper into the darkness without telling anyone where I'm going...are those cellos playing?

*trips over limp body sprawled on the rug*

DM!? No!!!! Oh, the tragedy, what a fate! Has she had her last alcopop? Extraordinary, she has a smile on her face, perhaps she was welcoming her killer into the Quiet Room just as the blow fell!

*a shadowy figure on the sofa uncrosses its legs, stands up gracefully and stalks forward.*

(In relieved tone) You here? Thank goodness, I think someone may have killed Dulwichmum! What's that in your hand? But, but....

*turns to camera, and in perfectly pitched soprano honed by years of training*

SCREAAAAAM!!!

[dulwichmum]

"OHMYGOD! I have one of my heads..."

*Looks up wisfully from floor, clutching head shrouded in lush glossy dark hair...*

"Whatever has happened here?"

"Oh officer! You really are frightfully manly, I love it when a chap can sweep a woman up into his large and hairy arms. Let me see your hands sweetie, you have fingers just like William Rose sausages, yum!"

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Lawks! D-M we have a mystery on our hands. Forget your swoonings over hairy sausages, for we must search for Moos*

*I was in the anti-chamber sipping on camomile tea and nibbling on a Rich Tea, waiting for your to recover from your "swoon" when I heard a piercing and rather discordant screech come from this very room. Assuming that you were seeing the giant mauve axolotle called "Turpin" again - I dashed in*

*Now we find that DM is safe, save a hang-over and insipient nymphomania, and Moos has disappeared in her jym-jams*

*Moos-minor will be distraught and Mr Moos, being German, will be a little distracted; his Prussian dueling scars will have gone pink and he will be twiddling with that odd shaving brush thing in his hat*

*This is a case for ..... The Thin Man - for it is I, nearly, if I breath in and put my corset on*

[dulwichmum]

I think we should call in the CSI team. They really are incredibly academic and frightfully well built! (schwoon - please bear in mind it is after 6pm so the corks are off!)

[Moos]

This is no fun, no-one's dead at all! I was going to kill off the inhabitants of the Quiet Room one by one, before revealing the dreaded murderer to be ...urk... argh... gasp....

[Michael Palaeologus]

*I did wonder where you were going with this Moos - I mean you disappeared first and thus removed yourself from the potential plot*

*Now, stop messing about, you cant be dead, your chest is moving, I have observed it closely*

*Does Herr Moos have Duelling scars perchance?*

*Have a schnaps and a slice of Battenburg while you ponder the matter*

[Moos]

Mr. Moos is not a Prussian duellist, he's a perfectly ordinary (if remarkably handsome) 21st century Londoner who happens to have been born in a North German city, so don't you put your racist stereotypes on my man - ooh, Battenburg, LECKER.

*undermines well-meant finger-wagging lecture by scoffing inordinate amounts of cake*

[citizenED]

*sups brown ale and stares at Moos*

*she seems to be stuck in the time-warp that is virtual Cluedo on the QR Wii*

*poor lass, flailing around like that in those ridiculous whire gloves and spooky goggles*

*come hither dear ad have a dry sherry*

[Moos]

*gives up and sits down next to Citizen, accepts delightful glass of dry sherry, goes so well with cake*

Well, I tried - it would have been such fun.

P.S. Citizen - we weren't supposed to find this out for a while, but you did it!

[citizenED]

*Yep have to agree, a bit of small-time murdering is a larf once in a while*

*sorry to have spoiled your fun*

*Still, I'm glad you joined me - looking at my previous post my thoughts are pretty addled already*

*You might have to catch me if I fall off this bar stool.*

[Moos]

*Catches swooning Citizen in her strong arms*

Hmm, surely this should be the other way around?

[citizenED]

*not swooning, Moos - simply pi$$ed*

*Still, many thanks - just prop me back up and give me a slap*

*then I will buy you another*

[KalamityKel]

*sneaks in and out of room picking up the empty bottles and crisp packets*

Shhhhhh I was never here! ;-)

[Michael Palaeologus]

*I see the Char woman has been in, tsk - missed the dust on the stuffed donkey in the corner*

[dulwichmum]

Oh darling Michael, please help me to finish off the damp dusting?

I am in the humour to party!!!

[Moos]

*lifts feet to allow the vacuum cleaner to pass underneath*

*holds out largely empty glass*

[dulwichmum]

*Fills glass (although finds it difficult as wearing large yellow marigold gloves). Wafts about in new Allegra Hicks kaftan from Gill Holland dans le village. *

"God I am now even richer than I was before."

*Hands the entire bottle to Moos.*

[Moos]

Dulwichhhhmum, yourr the bescht.

*suddenly sobers up as fashion genius strikes her eye*

Did you just match your Marigolds to your Louboutins? We are not worthy!

*drains glass, brings label on bottle into focus*

What on earth are we drinking?

[dulwichmum]

Krug dahlin, it is afterall the onleeee liquid I bother with...

[KalamityKel]

Dear lord just wot is that smell!!!

*goes round opening a many windows as possible*

When was this place last aired!

[citizenED]

*careful Kel, i've been sitting here in the dark for a week now all on my own*

*enjoying the silence that is the Quiet Rooom*

*supping a beer or two (jeysus, are those really all my bottles?)*

*Just watch out for the "cultures" in the corners*

*if you listen carefully you can hear the muffled sounds of the Forum up above.....*

*still, if you must, open a blind or two*

*then come and have a drink*

[KalamityKel]

*opens windows whilst ensuring blinds are still down*

*the slight breeze makes for an eerie feeling of bats flying around*

*throws a thick woolen blanket over beer bottles to muffle sound of them falling over*

*pulls out rum bottle* :))

[macker]

mmm, rum

[KalamityKel]

*rubs sleepy eyes and wonders y the rum is always gone*

*realises she sounds very much like jack sparra this morn*