Quiet room...

[dulwichmum]

*Thinks to self - "You boys are so predictable! You like to dress like a ladies, play around with the hired help and then become incredibly particular when it comes to bar snacks..."*

[mockney piers]

*enters quiet room, removes Manolo Blahnicks and massages aching feet*

*hunts through presses for packet of ritz cheese crackers and Fortnum & Mason Gentlemans Relish*

*puts on some Debussy and gazes out of window at the broiling surf crashing on the jagged rocks*

I love autumn.

[Michael Palaeologus]

*You are looking lovely today Mockers, you do have the legs for stockings and Manolos. I always end up looking like Norah Batty*

*Would Ana fancy a game of Hungry Hippos DM?*

[dulwichmum]

Indeed she would, but she is busy polishing the coal.

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Would she like a hand with the nutty slack?*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*DM - are you really Belle de Jour?*

[dulwichmum]

Darling Michael,

How ever could you come out with such a thing?

I am a married lady after all...

Or am I?

...er hold on, I read her book and I really don't have the first clue what nipple clamps are for, and as for her entry on fisting... OHMYGOD - boil these people in oil ... Doh! You don't suppose I will end up mis-quoted again do you???

[Michael Palaeologus]

I fear you may be - these new local Reporters will be looking to cut their teeth on something.

Nipple clamps are used to tighten the things that distribute grease in the moving parts of mechanical things - thats all.

Still, some new ideas for you and James to explore once the kids are in bed and Ana is locked in her hutch for the night.

I have a new camera ....

[mockney piers]

I'm just going to embalm my feet in vinegar if thats ok

* splish*

mmmmmmmmm

[dulwichmum]

In the name of God ... Mr Mockney - is that some sort of vile perversion?

[Michael Palaeologus]

Thankfully its only his feet .. today...

and him betrothed to a good Irish-woman.

D-M, we must pray for him, rope your Mother in as well - its a big ask of the man upstairs.

[mockney piers]

Feet feeling much better now thanks.

Man upstairs has no interest me I'm afraid; I believe the term is 'heathen'.

[Keef]

*Wonders why these chips taste a bit odd... Must be something wrong with this vinegar*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Keef - isnt that a toe-nail? - that thing that looks like a batter-bit*

[dulwichmum]

In the name of God! Where did those chips come from?

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Deftly passes Keef a tomato to counterbalance the evil-chips*

*BUT WAIT .... look at that chip, the big one on the left. Is that not a picture of the blessed virgin on its upper side? Is she not weeping vinegar???????????*

*Falls to knees, crossing self manically*

[Keef]

*Wonders why Michael is acting strangly, and decides if he's just going to look at that chip and not eat it...*

[Ant]

*appears as if by magic from a single point in time and space*

*eats all the chips*

[citizenED]

*bastards! where have all those chips gone!*

*just needed a carb fest.*

*oh, well; I'll simply have to make do with this beer, then*

*pity*

[PeckhamRose]

Ooohhhhhhh is THAT what they're for?

I'll tell Himself. He has not been using them for the right job and quite frankly it's a pain...

Michael Palaeologus Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Nipple clamps are used to tighten the things that

> distribute grease in the moving parts of

> mechanical things - thats all.

[dulwichmum]

OHMYGOD!!!

PechamRose! Don't lets dwell on the nipple clamps... We could end up on the cover of the South London Press... again!

[Michael Palaeologus]

"DULWICHMUM IN AU-PAIR NIPPLE CLAMPING HORROR"

"I was trying to lubricate her moving parts" said the 50 something Mother of 12 as the Social took her kids into care.

Have you tried the nipple clamps that also give an electic charge? Get the under carriage moving they do.

[dulwichmum]

"For once Michael, I am speechless..."

*Takes big gun from handbag...*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Speechless? Amazing - thats an SLP headline in itself*

*Step away from the shooter DM - suicide is a mortal sin afterall*

[dulwichmum]

*Underneath big gun in handbag, finds small but dangerous dog, sharpening his teeth with a nail file*

*Places small dog on floor and says "Go get him Mr Batdog..."

"Covers eyes as Mr Palaeologus loses his undercariage!"