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No rotting corpses in here please. Terrible stink. Although there is a lovely open fire in the middle of the room if you want to cremate yourself. Saves us the trouble.

*Reaches for large balloon glass and pours self enormous brandy, takes a seat in large armchair by the fire and tosses a few logs on to get a good fire burning.*

Pours large port and brandy into balloon glass and profers it to KK. This really will settle your stomach if your feeling a bit Tom Dick. You must listen to Doctor Lush, it's for your own good I can assure you. Now get it down your Gregory and you'll be right as ninepence soon enough.
and the Withnail & I quotes. Yes, it must have been bad as all my lovely Chateau Marguax '61 has gone. Oh well there's always the '47. Good job I've hidden that though. Save for a rainy day. Oh shit! is it raining? All this brandy has give me a bit of a wobbly on. Must sit back down in my armchair. Grabs decanter pours another.

Oh Jesus! It?s like my birthday party all over again.


*Ducks behind the pastel-pink, armor-plated chaise lounge. (delivery from Argos last week. He didn?t just make ships you know)*


Sorry Jah but you know what it?s like. You get in, your pineapple costume has been ripped in five places and the ringmaster has had it away with your ornamental banana tree. AGAIN! It is a situation that can only be solved by drowning one?s sorrows in the most expensive alcohol one can steel.


*Spies a wayward bottle of Woodford Reserve and one of dulwichmum?s discarded feather boas under the chaise lounge*

*Soaks boa in whiskey and stuffs it in the neck of the bottle. Sets it alight and lobs makeshift Kentucky Cocktail in the general direction of his aggressor.*

*Ducks back down with fingers in ears, humming Little Deuce Coupe (amazingly managing the 3 way harmonies all on his own.)*

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