Quiet room...

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Hops into bed - lies back suggestively*

"Scrub away ladies, just, watch out for my piercings"

[KalamityKel]

ooooo peircings... I like those... *blushes*

[dulwichmum]

Oh Kalam, I had to buy this special steel wool mop head on the internet and I think that it will work so very well indeed. But lets begin with this here drain unblocking solution that arrived from Ocado just last night. I think that we could give Michael a lovely warm enema. We can use this here vacuum hose!

http://www.britsuperstore.com/acatalog/Mr_Muscle_Sink_Plughole_Unblocker_500ml.jpg

[dulwichmum]

I have this grass strimmer in my handbag, I will get on with Mr Karters eyebrows while you insert Michaels hose. He may need to be restrained though, it is rather large and sure to be uncomfortable...

[KalamityKel]

restraining? *thinks about how to do that...*

*comes up wiv solution*

*just sits on him* :))

[dulwichmum]

Gosh, that strimmer worked well. Now shall I wax Michael's back while you unblock his drains?

[KalamityKel]

plunger?

[dulwichmum]

Wonderful work. I think that I should like to tattoo my name on his bottom with this here enormous compass needle and the ink from this pen refill. Shall I write your name on there too? There is enough room for our middle names and everything...

"Beatrice Arabella Concepta Parry-Jones and Kalamity (I am simply gorgous) Kelly were here."

Ta dah!

[KalamityKel]

I wuvs ya sooooo much DM :))

[Michael Palaeologus]

Is there room for " ..... Good Time Girls of East Dulwich - call 07653 323476. False teeth optional".

[KalamityKel]

I prefer the whole "bad gal" thing really... ;-)

[dulwichmum]

I know what you mean Kalam, lets shop on the internet with his credit cards next!

[citizenED]

*sneaks a glance back at the stage*

*Can't recall exactly when it appeared but it does look very spangly and sparkly*

*and though I could hardly bring myself to look, that first act was......intriguing*

*in a quasi s & m kinda way*

*I'll sup my pint whilst I wait for the next one*

[dulwichmum]

Oh Kalam! I have ordered an entire new wardrobe from Net a Porter, an entire new make-up selection from HQ Hair, and a pair of roller skates, just for the hell of it! What have you bought?

Lovely CitizenED - would you like anything?

[dulwichmum]

I have found a site that sends a medic around to our home for a Botox party! What do you all think? Michael is paying!

[Michael Palaeologus]

Thats fine DM. That Credit Card is funded by an LDA grant OK'd by Ken Livingston himself.

Ooops..

[dulwichmum]

OHMYGOD! That really is dishonest then!

[Michael Palaeologus]

>:D

[citizenED]

*Thank you, DM - if you're offering get me something from Primark*

*Can always set it off with smart accessories from FCUK*

*You do Peckham, don't you?*

*Now where is the next act? I've nearly finished this blooming pint.*

[KalamityKel]

I've found a pair of pink slippers... any good to anyone?

[dulwichmum]

Wafts into Quiet Room looking simply fabulous, full length Allegra Hicks Kaftan clinging to perfectly toned fabulous figure as she walks, followed by au pair bearing bottles of Krug.

"Anyone for drinks?"

"Gosh isn't Dulwich the only place to live in London?"

[Keef]

*Slaps DM's perfectly toned buttock as she walks past, knowing that despite the glare, she is swooning inside*

*Takes glass from DM, and lift lid on large silver platter of cheeses, salamis, olives, and stuffed peppers*

*Stands by fireplace and pats labrador on the head, before taking a long pull on new pipe*

[dulwichmum]

"OHMYGOD Mr Keef!

You really are frightfully manly you know, you really are quite the daddy!"

*Swoon, CRASH*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Pissed again I see DM - fancy some of Keef's salami?*

*Watches black labrador lick DM's face - to little effect*

[citizenED]

*wanders in and stops dead in tracks*

*rubs eyes & turns tail and prepares to exit swiftly*

*Remembers advice on "dog attack" thread*

*can't see any water so pours two bottles of Krug over labrador*

*kicks the mutt up the backside*