Quiet room...

[citizenED]

*blushes to think that MP has admired googlies*

*jacks pitcher of Pimms and pours a large glass*

*rummages in bag for pencil and paper*

*sits on massive sofa in corner*

*licks tip of pencil and waits for something interesting to sketch*

[dulwichmum]

Arranges a 'still life' composition on chaise in front of CitizenEd - consisting of enormous handbag, Blackberry mobile phone, car keys from the Audi Q7 (I just love my car), bar of Fry's Chocolate Cream, bunch of grapes, and enormous naturally blonde au pair, draped in Batman duvet cover.

[citizenED]

*taxing subject matter, methinks*

*usually prefer more minimal(not to say less opulent)items*

*eg ashtray with smouldering Gitane*

*or pair of old boots*

*better get cracking - but first..liquid sustenance required!*

[dulwichmum]

Passes note to Ana insisting that she wear a pair of old boots...

[SeanMacGabhann]

* just a pair of boots DM? - can you take a pictured? *

anyway..

* crosses fingers for bagpuss tomorrow *

[dulwichmum]

As well as being fully clothed in a boiler suit (compulsary uniform for shapely au pair)and being draped in child's duvet cover - the draped effect can look great in a painting... clearly!

[Michael Palaeologus]

Where's my Spiderman duvet?

[dulwichmum]

Hands duvet to Mr Plopalotofgust - gives wide smile. Points to enormous oil painting on the wall.

Whispers "Isn't Ana stunning?"

Thinks to self - 'That girl looks pregnant.'

[citizenED]

*admires huge painting on wall*

*that girl clearly ate all the pies (either that or she's up the duff)*

*looks sadly at the paltry scribble on own art pad*

*contemplates the meaning of life*

*that'll be a tenner on Ryan's Lad in the 2.30 at Epsom, then*

[citizenED]

*cups hand to ear...........*

*Great! Room to self*

*Straddles bar and raids the chiller*

*A magnum of Bolly*

*That'll do nicely!*

[TillieTrotter]

*Ah Ed, you didnt notice me sitting in the naughty corner did you*

*fills long thin flute to the top and quaffs greedily*

[dulwichmum]

Sobs quietyly behind the Japanses screen - thinks - "hold on - I wonder if Michael Papadopalopogus is responsible for Ana's condition?"

Mmm

[Michael Palaeologus]

Ah well, we were both a little drunk and I was showing her my Estonian etchings and she felt the need to show me her impressive assets and in the name of East/West relations we, well, related.

It may not be mine as Ana is very friendly. If it is, I will happily share my Spiderman duvet and Mrs Dobbin with Ana.

Can a chap be farer than that?

[dulwichmum]

Thinks to self - well, all may not be lost afterall! Mmmm so it could be Michael or the children's swimming instructor.

Whispers quietly - "Michael dear heart, let me pour you a brandy..."

[Michael Palaeologus]

We may not know until the babe appears - Gingerspog and its mine.

[dulwichmum]

But dear darling man, what care you of the fathers identity???

Have another drink...

[Michael Palaeologus]

Hmmm.

Lets start dowry negotiations ...

Your opening offer DM?

[dulwichmum]

My offer???

Shame on you! She is a very attractive young lady. Count yourself lucky to be in negotiations at all. Be careful Mr Proctologist or you could find your son and heir being raised in a Lithuanian hamlet - only to seek you out and expose you on an episode of Jerry Springer some time in the future!

[citizenED]

*pulls up chair*

*opens huge carton of Popcorn*

*settles back to enjoy DM and MP argue it out*

*love a good Courtroom Drama*

[Michael Palaeologus]

According to you, DM, she is a very attractive PREGNANT young lady. Therefore more expensive to maintain.

There is no evidence that the child is mine and furthermore you are the one who wishes to throw her out on the street!

Oh I can just imagine how quickly the gutter press would grab hold of that one:

"Internationally famous multi-millionaire author and devoted Dulwich-Mother hurls gorgeous pregnant Lithuanian into the gutter - a distressed Michael Palaeologus tells the NOTW for a very reasonable sum"

So, your offer?

Hmm?

[Michael Palaeologus]

I am also sulking, by the way.

[dulwichmum]

Why are you sulking dear heart? You are the one who said right here on this forum - how very friendly you became with Ana! She was young and impressionable, and then you had the cheek to cast doubt on her good character - simply because she was indeed "friendly". Shame on you, taking advantage of this simple young girl...

A hundred quid and a case of Saint Veran and the deal is done?

[Michael Palaeologus]

You're on!

I am sulking because nobody will drink my wine in the wine tasting thread.

Meanies.

[dulwichmum]

OHMYGOD, I am so very sorry Michael dear one. It was nothing personal - I absolutely promise. I got very drunk two Thursdays ago and haven't touched a drop since. I am "on the wagon" - I really am afraid I am becoming far too fond of a tipple. If I had known that no-one was joining in lovely man, I would have broken my abstenance just for you - I am so very sorry.

I shall go and buy the white you recommend tomorrow after work and post my comments. Yes I may turn jaundiced and die young leaving my children orphans, but never let it be said that Dulwichmum did not stand by her chums.

DM

[Michael Palaeologus]

I didnt recommend a white wine DM - both were red.

Nobody reads my posts - sniff - cuddles Spiderman duvet.