Quiet room...

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Walks in wearing M&S matching bra and panties with woolly scarf and gloves - "Twiggy anyone?"*

[dulwichmum]

*Crawls out from under Keefs lazy boy chair... collapses on the floor (groan)*

[Keef]

*Wakes up wearing curly black wig and top hat, and wonders why Les Paul is sticking out of the speaker cabinet of beloved Marshall*

*Finds empty bottle of JD, and feels questions have been answered*

[dulwichmum]

*Wanders into quiet room with towel on head wearing big fluffy bathrobe*

"OHMYGOD! I have such a hangover. I drank so much I was hallucinating and I thought that I saw Michael Palaeologus wearing womens underwear!"

*Flops down into purple velvet armchair, pulls enormous acrylic bra out from beneath cushion.*

*Thinks to self - "this looks strangely familiar..."*

(IT'S NOT MINE, CLEARLY(before you even say it Michael...I NEVER WEAR MAN MADE FIBRES)

[Keef]

*Smiles at DM* Do you know me lady? We have shared special times, but I have... been changed *Looks out of window as is seeing some distant memory*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Not even in the 1950s DM?*

*Dives behind sofa*

[dulwichmum]

"I was not born until the extrememly late 1960's - how very dare you?"

[Michael Palaeologus]

*I am truly srorry DM. I can only think that I was confused by the nylon wig*

From behind sofa.

[dulwichmum]

"Clearly, now do come out and share this lemon and poppey seed muffin with me dear heart..."

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Noooooooooooooooooooo shan't, you will make me eat from the red and shiny side of the muffin' and that will be my undoin' andtheresnomistakin'.*

*Peeks round sofa to see Dulwichmum inexplicably italicised*

*Bounds from behind sofa, equally inexplicably dressed as a Victorian Cockney boy-chimney sweep. Rods and brushes beneath arms, face covered in soot, clutching own lapels, does cheery high stepping prancey-dance to the tea-pot. Helps self to a cup of Rosey- Lee and a slice of Plum Duff*

*So, DM what did you think of the Queens Speech? Hmm?*

*I am sure I saw you on the TV in the background at the House of Lords - dusting*

[dulwichmum]

*Congratulates Michael for the above line ... sheer genious!*

"Indeed I was not a cleaner in the background at the House of Lords, I was doing a cash job repairing some pointing on Donkey Alley at the time."

*Cunningly flips ruby encrusted gold ring open and slips some mysterious powder into Michaels drink, watches smirking as Michael finishes off his cup of Rosie Lee...*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Turns into Pumpkin*

*Oh Arse!*

[dulwichmum]

*Sniggers in the manner of Muttley on The Wacky Races*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Wiggles round in a pumpkiny way to watch telly. Its the Rememberance Service on Whitehall. Who's that, at the back, my, its Dulwichmum, doing us proud. Wait, "DM - you missed a leaf, over there, in the bit of gutter that you forgot to sweep"*

*Cant get the staff nowadays. Still, glad hallowen is behind us*

[dulwichmum]

*Sniggers in the corner while stirring large cauldron...*

"Pumpkins soup for tea my pretties."

[dulwichmum]

*Wafts into quiet room in stunning Alegra Hicks silk velvet kaftan. Admires perfect manicure and pedicure in light by the window. Perches on the arm of large velvet armchair, texts au pair to bring some lovely Starbucks coffee.*

"Will anyone join me for a latte?"

[Keef]

"I'll join you for a late one DM, but they haven't even called last orders yet"

*Cleans ears out*

*Pours large drink to rid head of Monday feeling*

[mockney piers]

* Nurses broken liver in one hand and part of missing thumb after an onion chopping incident in the other *

* Gently weeps *

[Brendan]

*Pops head around door.*

?Do I smell liver and onions??

[mockney piers]

"...and a nice chilled chianti fuffuffuffuffuff"

[dulwichmum]

"Here we are boys, have a nice latte."

"Oh dear, did I forget to call last orders? Never mind, I have an extra coffee for Michael, I will place it on the floor by my handbag out of the way"

"Now where is my tiny doggie?"...

[Michael Palaeologus]

"I'M STILL A BLOODY PUMPKIN!!"

[dulwichmum]

"I shall have to drink that coffee myself then!"

[Michael Palaeologus]

Lovely .

Can you please turn me back into my normal hideous gargoyle like self DM? I am sick of being a pumkin and my bum itches.

[dulwichmum]

"Oh dear! Michael you clearly have thread worms, please be sure to iron your bed linnen and get yourself a nail brush!"

Summons au pair from behind screen... Ana performs a cunning spell and ZAP!!!