Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Lately my work seems to be having a problem with email and a lot of spam seems to be getting through the filter. Yesterday I had one that had me in stitches, with the following headline...


Win ?500 vouchers to spend in Primark!

Even fashion editors in Milan are talking about this leading player in high street fashion.


>:D<

Link to comment
https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/3022-best-spam-emails-youve-had/
Share on other sites

::o I had that come throught the other day too!


I keep getting the usual viagra and penis extension type ones... "Be a dream of all beauties in the town!" "Get armed with huge love cannon" (no not the photocopiers or printers!) "make your love wand function better" "dance in the sheets all night long" the list goes on...


*sighs*

  • 2 weeks later...

This week I have been mostly reading


"Manhood Like a Whale"


Now, I know I didn't opt to take biology at school (preferred the physics) but


1. If it is a Sperm or blue whale, then based on what I have read (the Readers Digest guide to Wales and the Valleys !!) it's manhood is one 'eck of a lot bigger in feet and inches then I am tall. :-S

2. This would also cause a fatal reaction upon seeing a pretty girl, whale-sized manhood gets happy, man dies from lack of blood :-$

3. Won't you also continuously be 'tripping over yourself' ? ;-)


I wonder if anyone took this offer up, could they be done for breach of trades descriptions act ? (6)

Strangely after just posting I had my spam folder update email through...


"be lonely no more"


"Nights full of passion are near"


"perfect length and thickness"


I was beginning to get excited thinking perhaps I was on to something good you know like this was a sign or something, then...


"don't let her leave discontented"

and

"it takes a real man to fill me up"


Can you imagine my disappointment? *sighs* lol

KalamityKel Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> "Incredible hulk gets big when he is angry"

>

> "add 3-6 inches to your pecker"

>

> "shove it in her face today"

>

> Deary deary deary me!!!!



Perfectly logical email titles quoted above


the first one - For Marvel fans... it is obvious that Mr Banner splits his clothes when he gets angry and turns into the Hulk (although the mystry of where and how he always seems to have spare trousers with elasticated waist bands is still one that keeps me in awe)


The second one is a fact of evolution, a bigger wood pecker will be able to see of any rivals and in doing so be able to get the best foods, grow stronger and therefore ensure that his (or her) lineage is maintained at the expense of rival wood peckers


the third one, obviously is an email from SMA (the baby food product company) with instructions on the best practices for feeding your small child their compound forumla, and I guess it may also talk about the advantages of 'trains' over 'planes' as a feeding method (especially in light of 9/11 when a plane was used - hence the better educated now preferring to use the train over the plane as there is less social / jihad implications....)


all perfectly acceptable titles and it is all in your mind that they contain something else that they should not ... (I think)


:-S

Oh great, now in my mind there's a sort of Troy McClure style infomercial...


Hi, I'm Chuck Willcock and I'm here today to talk to you about the benefits of shoving it in your face...

...but don't just take my word for it. Here's Professor Toby Coxwell to tell us about the science...


etc.

KalamityKel Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Haha u made me chuckle! Yes when put that way

> then yes all perfectly innocent except when one

> considers the senders... dirtybigbadgirl,

> VIAGRAofficialsite and chuckwilcock... :-S



Sigh


that is so namist of you... Mr Dirybigbadgirl is very sensitive about his family name and constantly gets blocked by spam filters when sending out emails, he has (as I understand it) applied to changes his name by deed poll to "Mr clean-normal-nice-woman" but the process takes some time and may not stop his emails being considered as spam.


Chuck Wilcock lives in Virginia state and gets equally peveed about his name and spam email problems, he has publicaly said sorry concerning the fact that his email has been hijacked and would like to ensure that his wood pecker information is considered with great care in future.


as for Mrs Vi Agraoffi-Calsite a most unfortunate union of names when she marriaed Mr Calsite, and I am never sure if they did the double barrelled thing on purpose or not... sadly as she is Polish and came from a long line of Agraoffi's she didn't want to compramise or loose the family name... I guess they could ahve doen their names the other way around, but where would the fun have been in that...


Ant, your mind distrubs me greatly, why would Troy McClure do that on the simpsons, surely as it is a kids programme, broadcast before the watershed then it wouldn't appear in the show, rather I fear that Itchy and Scratchy will just maim, mutilate and kill each other again, providing the youth of today a nice sensible world to grow up in ...

Today's offering was


"Discover your new beginning in lovemaking"

(*subtitled - "This is the best solution supplement for your dating woes")


Curious... (not really)

Interested... (Depends)

Opened... (Not on your nelly)

Bounced... (As high as the sky)


Still at least this one seemed to have the ability to spell ;-)


I wonder if the subtitle is something to do with the ED singles night currently being organised... (6)

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • 1 space available due to one of my clients moving.  Message me for more informations  🙂  
    • Why is the name a big of a red flag? Blighty is a common name for the UK whatever people might think.
    • The only election which counts is the General Election.  There is still strong resentment for fourteen year's of Conservative rule. They squeezed the working class's way to hard, then they squeezed the middle class, but somehow the upper class never got touched, funny that.   There is also new resentment for Labour because of the utter balls up they've made of things since coming to power nine months ago. The majority of the population (or at least those with an ounce of common sense) want these clowns out of office ASAP because they see the damage they are doing to UK plc. They squeezed the pensioners, then the farmers and then business. They made and broke promise after promise, or just didn't tell the truth or say what they where going to do, otherwise known as merely lying to get elected. Inflation may be falling but the cost of things in the shops and utility bills keep on rising, the direct opposite of what they promised. They will never be trusted once they are ousted from power in about four and a half years time.   Everything they do and touch causes further harm, led by three stooges, Rayner, Reeves and balls'less Starmer, who couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag. He still thinks he's a solicitor at the DPP. Rather than spending week upon week getting involved in international politics he needs to be sorting out the UK's issues, sadly he's not up to the job and nor are his Cabinet.  Society needs a mix of people with different skills to prosper, not more and more graduates who can't get jobs in what they studied in.   Reform is the current anti establishment party, which will hopefully wither away back to where it came from.  The Liberals and Greens, well what can you say apart from using them as another alternative vote of dissatisfaction, but neither will come to power.  The country seriously needs stability and a Government that stands up for and represents it's people, not what MP's want but what the constituencies want and need.  Government needs to become far more open and transparent, it needs to be seen to be doing its job, doing what MP's are elected to do,  working for the people in the constituencies, getting back to basic principles and rebuilding the trust which has been lost by successive party's immaterial of them being, red, blue, light blue, yellow, green or some other colour.     
    • That’s very insulting! You are basically calling 17 million people that voted to leave the EU ‘thick’.        Brexit happened Sue.  Boring graphs!  Calling Nigel Farage a plastic patriot is also very insulting seeing as he and the Reform Party have had a landslide victory all over England.
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...