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Dont believe that Cactus Jack chancer! He's a rogue and a conman and he steals ice cream from small children. He asked me for a large deposit up front, which I was happy to provide. He however failed to deliver the goods, he kept reassuring me that this hadnt happened before and that he was normally very dependable in his delivery of customer satisfaction.


My arse! His attempts at satisfying my needs for a comfortable Fluffy orifice were laughable, it was loose and not fit for purpose and was prone to rattling when subject to a high wind. In the end I had the gap filled by a nice lady pipe fitter from Dunbar.


I fear for Fluffy, those Australian Parakeets are vicious little buggers and may wish to nobble him.

Moos Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> BN5, I am outraged at your comment. A

> baby-holly-cactus hybrid is the responsibility of

> both of its parents, not just its holly-mother.

> Next you'll be saying that the holly is a tart,

> while the cactus is a stud. Your double standards

> are a disgrace to liberal caring-sharing fluffy

> woolly East Dulwich. I propose an hour in the

> Goose Green stocks, and will be bringing a very

> ripe melon myself.



Hey, I don't make the rules: In this liberal society, if I had a cactus who came home and told me that he'd got a holly bush in trouble, I'd support him in taking on his responsibilities, and look to educate for the future. But we can't enforce human ideals on a cactus. In the wild, it's spike then move on. To tie a cactus down to the first holly bush he soils is to defy his natural instincts. That's just cruel.

I saw a cactus last night in Green and Blue and it near broke my heart. So young yet made up like a fishmonger's wife, it delivered a heartbreaking rendition of Where is Love...before tearfully struggling its way through a tap dance while singing You've got to Prick a pocket or two.

The judges - a man with piercing eyes and a touch of the John Barryman about him and a woman who reminded me of a small animal - cackled and cast the poor thing out into the mean street that is Lordship Lane.

A rose bush in a leotard was next up...

Michael Palaeologus Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> ...could those of you living in West East Dulwich keep your eyes peeled please?


"West East Dulwich" -- how very dare you?

It's south North Dulwich, as any ful knows.


You could try cross-posting on the westdulwichforum...

I wonder whether Fluffy has been abducted by Aliens? I am working from home today, so this morning I was lying on my sofa with a cup of tea watching Discovery Channel and there was a programme on about such things -it seemed very credible.


I do hope his prickly little nether parts arent being probed as I type...

  • 1 month later...

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