buggy etiquette

[bald marauder]

I think my last post on the fantasy LL thread was maybe a bit scary (me ranting about the need to show tolerance and empathy to those of us out and about in charge of small children).

So how about setting some mutually acceptable (to parents and non-parents alike) principles for the use of buggies in and around ED?

[dulwichmum]

Dear Mr Bald Marauder,

How about this?

Any parent/guardian entering any coffee/tea emporium on/off Lordship Lane with a small child/baby (singular or selection of) and pram, should immediately be issued with a large complimentary drink of choice (preferably laced with alcohol). All patrons of the said establishment (who have had a nights sleep), should stand immediately to ensure that a selection of seating is available for the said exhausted parent to make a choice of.

Does that seem fair to everyone on the forum?

[mightyroar]

Totally fair.

Perhaps all patrons who have had a nights sleep should offer to share their table with the children, leaving the parent/guardian to quaff the complimentary beverage in peace at a table alone with a newspaper.

[dulwichmum]

Great suggestion, I wish I had though of that myself.

[Paul Holdsworth]

Naaah! How about this?

Parent ensures dinky little buggy tray beneath darling is stocked with a wide, strong webbing ratchet strap. On arrival at coffee/tea emporium, parent secures child in buggy with said strap, leaving buggy OUTSIDE emporium. Parent then enters and fights for best seat/today's Guardian/staff's attention with the rest of us.

Should child's screams disturb the convivial atmosphere, parent should, WITHOUT being asked, either sit outside and soothe infant, or go outside, fold buggy, and return to finish beverage.

No?

[Kathryn]

Im not sure your really sharing the love there Paul

[dulwichmum]

We will just have to wait and see what happens to darling Paul when he becomes a daddy. James would come out with that sort of thing until we had the children!

Mr Holdsworth shall have the biggest, flashiest trendiest buggy he can buy, his partner shall have a home birth with an independent midwife, and he shall walk the length of Lordship Lane daily with junior strapped to his front in a Baby Bjorn carrier, while his partner walks beside him with an empty pram (the tray beneath briming with organic produce to be pureed later for baby Saskia/Hugo).

Paul shall talk at length to other dads at work about the difficulties of 'latching on' and the destructive influence on the environment of disposable nappies. He shall attend NCT classes and insist that regular NCT tea group meetings are hosted in his front room. He shall take up at least three seats in any coffee shop he visits avec enfant, one for the baby carrier, one for the nappy bag, and one for him and junior.

It comes to us all sweet cheeks, just wait your turn. You will see.

[beth]

ha, ha Dulwich mum! When I was pregnant, I would look at mums with their buggies in cafes and think how pathetic, I shall never be one of those selfish mums, I shall always park my buggie outside and carry my infant in my arms and quietly have a coffee without taking up so much room. Well, boy, did I get my come-up-pance!

Very quickly, after having the sprog, I realised the problem. A baby under 6 months old or so can't sit in a highchair - too small, not enough muscles to keep it from slipping forward etc. So, you go into a cafe to have lunch or coffee. It's difficult to eat with a squirming sprog in arms. Also if sprog is asleep, you are desparate to enjoy a coffee and paper - again, leaving the babe in the buggy is the best option.

I could go on and on but I'll leave it there - all I can say, is be smug about what you'd do as a parent before you've had kids at your peril - it'll just come straight back on you if you do have kiddies!

[dulwichmum]

Here, here!

[spymum]

When I was a strident City lass, I used to mentally swear at all the (now that I think about it, very tired looking) mummies that would bash their buggies straight into the back of my calves, (uining my expensive shiny tights thereby). Most of the time they never even noticed and I would mutter audible imprecations.

Two children later, I realise they were operating on auto-pilot, totally deprived of sleep, and should have been congratulated for successfully attempting a trip on the Tube, fully dressed and clothed, with all the attendent gubbins (plus baby)!

I apologise! (And this is said by a woman who walked down High Street Ken pushing a buggy with her blouse unbuttoned. But it was an ugly maternity bra, and not my favourite Aubade!)

spymum

(Blog: Posh Mum)

[Paul Holdsworth]

dulwichmum Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> We will just have to wait and see what happens to

> darling Paul when he becomes a daddy.

> It comes to us all sweet cheeks, just wait your

> turn. You will see.

Hmmm, I'm not sure about that, Ms Mum. I'm 47, in a LONG term relationship (two decades-plus) with a congenital infantophobe.

Mind you, I have six siblings, who between them have produced SEVENTEEN nephews and nieces just for me - think of the PRESENTS!

And of course, you knew my post was just a jape - I smile sweetly when a buggy trashes my Birkenstocks, and queue for the privilege of humping some ludicrously overpriced Hummer-esque buggy down the stairs at tube stations for a mum who thinks that's what I'm there for.

No, being child-free is fine by me - so long as I can play with other people's darlings when the fancy takes me.

[Kathryn]

There is deffinetly more love there this time and I'm imagining right now your thinking of some fabulous present to give to each of your sisters. Perhaps take the kids of them for a weekend and pay for them to go to some spa retreat.

[dulwichmum]

Darling Mr Holdsworth,

Some of the best parents around Dulwich are vintage parents! Why my own grandfather had his final son in his 60's. I am sure you will make a terrific daddy. Can I come and help you choose an appropriate parambulator? I just love shopping!

[Paul Holdsworth]

Woah! Hold on now! The oestrogen is swilling round my knees already!

Dearest, loved-Up Kathryn, good idea, but not well thought-through. Taking all 17 nephews and nieces for a weekend might stretch even Dulwich Mum's doubtlessly indefatigable maternal instincts to snapping point. Especially as the youngest is seven - and the oldest thirty...

Gorgeous Mrs. Mum, I really don't WANT to be a daddy, and the experience of watching my siblings raising their children - the tedium, the hard labour, the daily grind - confirmed me in that opinion. I LOVE children, I just don't want my own! But shopping with you for just about anything else? Yes please (my favourite shopping experience is midweek in Fenwick's with a woman of taste and discernment - that's you, isn't it?)

[dulwichmum]

Darling Mr Holdsworth,

Midweek Fenwick is my favourite form of shopping!!!(although I am a little partial to the House of Fraser across London Bridge - but there is no-where in there to get a glass of champagne and that just takes the good out of it)

How did you know? I love to try on hats and the underwear in there - well...what can I say? I should just invite Mr Batdog along - I have found another soul mate!

[Paul Holdsworth]

Mrs. Mum in hats and underwear? - wait, let me loosen my tie. And Mr. Dog standing by in case we need a hand with the baggage - where do I sign?

[bald marauder]

Incorrigible flirts, the pair of you!

And to think Mr Holdsworth started out in such a provocative manner - DM has anyone ever remained beyond the influence of your charms?

[dulwichmum]

Yes, indeed Mr Bald Marauder,

My husband is completely indifferent. He prefers rugby and a copy of the FT.

[bald marauder]

Whilst that may be a very apt comment for comic effect DM, I suspect it couldn't be farther from the truth.

BTW, don't worry about Mr Batdog - maybe he's out chasing foxes - I'm sure he'll surface soon.

Too cold to go outside and worry about foxes now, shall retire for night-time nappy change and last feed.

x

[dulwichmum]

Dear Mr Bald Marauder,

You impress me as the best type of daddy!

[spadetownboy]

never under-estimate the buggy brigade.my good friend who lives in whitstable and luckily for me has a big gaff,recently told me the story of a cafe type establishment in said same town who for some reason decided to post notices in the cafe asking patrons with children to basically keep them in check ie children should be seen and not heard,and those who did not comply would be asked to leave.it closed down within 3 months,lack of trade apparantly.

[spymum]

Ha Ha! Poetic justice! Buggy mums rule!

spymum

(Blog: Posh Mum)

[dulwichmum]

Us parents avec enfants are the lifeblood of the coffee drinking establishments in Dulwich...clearly!

[bald marauder]

Apparently, baby M can now sit up in her pushchair in Cafe Nero, quietly 'reading' (more like eating) her little fish book, and eventually falling contentedly asleep, while Mrs M enjoys a cappufrothosoyachino in peace.

(How come baby M never does that for ME?!)

[dulwichmum]

Because dear heart, Mrs M is not telling you the truth! Mothers do this type of thing in order to ensure that fathers feel inadequate - or is that just me? Ho hum!